The Emotional Intelligence of the Torah: How Mitzvot Shape Joy, Heal Grief, and Build a Balanced Life

Much has been said, written, and proven about the impact of mitzvot (Torah commandments) on us as human beings. I’d like to share a remarkable insight I noticed while reading material on the human psyche. When you truly feel the uplifting influence of the mitzvot and experience their beauty, you naturally begin to notice an additional, deeper point — just as I did.

The mitzvah system is designed to positively shape a person on multiple levels. Here, we’ll focus on mitzvot that preserve and develop positive emotions in our lives, as well as those that guide us to cope in a healthy way with feelings of grief.

The Torah’s View on Nurturing Joy

Modern research shows that the surge of happiness people feel after a major financial windfall, such as winning a lottery, typically fades within a year (Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence, p. 242). Interestingly, the Torah commands that anyone who has just married, built a home, or planted a vineyard is exempt from communal obligations — and even from going to war — for an entire year.

Instead, they are told to focus on their joy, to nurture it, and to make the most of it for themselves and their loved ones during that year: “He shall be free for his home for one year, and shall make his wife whom he has taken happy; he shall not go out to the army, nor shall any matter be imposed upon him” (Deuteronomy 24:5; Mishneh Torah, Laws of Kings 7:10–11).

This ancient command aligns perfectly with what psychology tells us today: joy is precious, and it must be actively cultivated. The Torah’s approach shows just how much value is placed on a person’s happiness and emotional well-being.

The Torah’s Wisdom in Processing Grief

Similarly, studies show that people who have experienced serious accidents tend to return to emotional baseline about a year after the event (Goleman, ibid.). The Torah’s laws regarding mourning for a parent reflect a similar timeline: our Sages required a full year of mourning.

This mourning process is structured to gradually reduce the intensity of grief:

• Immediately after death until burial — No one offers comfort to the mourner (“One does not console a person while their dead lies before them”), as the loss has not yet been emotionally processed.

• First three days — A period of focused weeping and deep emotional processing.

• Up to seven days (Shivah) — A time for receiving comfort from visitors. The mitzvah of comforting mourners (nichum aveilim) plays a key role in emotional support during this stage.

• Thirty days (Shloshim) — Lighter mourning practices, such as refraining from haircuts.

• The remainder of the year — Only major celebrations are avoided.

This is not just ritual, but a psychologically sound, gradual process that prevents emotional suppression. Avoiding repression is vital because bottling up grief consumes enormous mental energy, can harm day-to-day productivity, and may even lead to emotional numbness. The Torah’s structure ensures that such a profound loss is not buried and left to cause long-term harm.

A System Designed for Emotional Balance

When we step back, we see the deep wisdom in how the Torah and our Sages cared for human emotions. They gave great attention to both joy and sorrow, guiding us toward a life that is balanced, emotionally healthy, and spiritually rich.

May we always serve with joy, and with an awareness of how valuable the mitzvot truly are for our hearts, minds, and lives.