My Friend Became Religious and Struggles to Find a Job. How Can We Help?

Yaakov asks: "I have a friend who is strengthening his faith but struggles to earn a livelihood and find work, despite praying daily and spending much on tithes and blessings for prosperity. This leads him to doubt his faith, as he thinks he would do better if he hadn't strengthened his belief, especially since there are people who don't observe Torah and mitzvot and yet lack nothing economically. I would appreciate finding an answer for him."

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Hello and blessings Yaakov, and thank you for your question,

I understand the difficulties your friend is facing, and one should not judge a person in their time of suffering. The sages said in the Gemara (Niddah 16b): "The angel responsible for pregnancy is called 'Night', and he takes a drop and places it before Hashem and says, 'Master of the Universe, what will become of this drop? Will it be strong or weak, wise or foolish, rich or poor? But whether it will be righteous or wicked he does not say."

From this we learn that even before every person descends to this world, it is decreed in the heavens what their individual trials and challenges will be in life, whether they will be rich or poor, face difficulties in livelihood, what illnesses or pains may befall them, and so forth. Every person has their own unique account, determining their life's events.

Once, a man of 50, who was childless, called me to ask in pain why he was not blessed with children despite becoming religious and trying everything. He shared doubts stemming from his personal pain, similar to your friend, noting those who have not returned to faith yet easily brought children into the world.

After offering words of strength and comfort, I quoted him the words of the Gemara and explained why he should not regret his devotion, as every person has their own heavenly account, making it impossible to compare individuals. This means that even had he not become religious, he would still lack children due to his specific decree, which might serve as atonement for past actions from previous lifetimes, with a purpose and trial hidden from him in this world. And if he had not become religious, not only would he be in the same situation, but he would also miss out on his spiritual purpose in life and live in greater sorrow. This discussion greatly calmed his spirit, as for the first time in his life, he stopped comparing himself to others, understanding that each person has their own account. Although we do not know what led to a specific decree for a person, one must understand that those who are decreed hardships in livelihood or health (and often, the heavens decide on livelihood challenges instead of health issues) are meant for their ultimate benefit.

Of course, it is important to add that even if an individual faces severe heavenly decrees in such matters, which we do not know the reason for, they must not despair and should continue praying and trying their best, as the sages said, "Even if a sharp sword rests on a person's neck, they should not refrain from mercy (prayer)." Because even hard decrees can be overturned.

It is also crucial to inform your friend that even a poor person is obligated to give charity according to their ability. However, in difficult and problematic situations—such as when in debt or without a steady income—they should consult a rabbi on how to act according to halacha so as not to waste money on non-essentials, especially with expensive amulets and blessings of this type, which require extreme caution to avoid false promises.

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Everyone receives their unique tools:

Rabbi Zamir Cohen shlit"a additionally explains in his lectures that the reason one person is decreed to be rich and another poor is because every person needs their unique tools for their personal correction. It is akin to a tank soldier in war who would request a tank, and not be willing to receive a plane even if it is much more costly, because according to his personal talent and the needs of war, he is required to use a tank. Similarly, a person descending to this world receives the exact tools and talents for their personal life's trials to strengthen and correct their soul according to their unique path. And as is told, before descending to this world, the soul sees all that it is destined for and says "I desire," understanding these are the best tools for itself. The sages said that in the end of days, we will also bless the bad with the blessing "the good and the beneficent," as then we will understand the immense benefit in all our trials and sorrows in life, just as a patient understands the need for surgery, and an athlete understands the need for difficult training.

It is also essential to always remember and remind ourselves that true wealth lies in keeping the Torah and mitzvot, and standing firm in the test of faith, for this world is secondary and temporary, serving only as a corridor to the world to come. Would one prefer great wealth in life if it lacks faith and Torah? What joy would they have in all their riches, with no true purpose to live for? It is like a body without a soul. Surely, you've heard of wealthy, successful, and famous individuals who returned to faith, realizing that even at the height of material success, there was not the spiritual fulfilment their soul truly sought. Therefore, your friend surely should not regret anything, for the Torah he is privileged to keep in his life has immeasurable value and worth.

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Transforming suffering into a holy sacrifice before Hashem.

In Rabbi Aharon Levi's intriguing lecture ("The Secret of Supreme Justice"), he explained that before Rabbi Akiva descended to this world, it was decreed he would die at the hands of the Romans. Yet, because he became religious, his death was in sanctifying the name in the most renowned way in Jewish history, thereby ascending to a heavenly level achieved by few. As told in the Gemara (Brachot 61b), in that generation, the Romans issued a prohibition against teaching Torah, and a student named Papus stopped studying Torah to avoid risking his life, while Rabbi Akiva continued to learn and teach Torah to communities in Israel. Eventually, both were caught by the Romans for different offenses, Papus on a false business accusation, and Rabbi Akiva for teaching Torah, with both sentenced to death. Papus said to Rabbi Akiva: "Blessed are you for being caught for Torah matters, and woe to me for being caught over trivialities." They knew that death had already been decreed in the heavens, and the only thing within their control was their actions. As the sages said, "Everything is in the hands of heaven except the fear of heaven." No matter the situation we find ourselves in, we always have the choice to believe and trust in Hashem and do good, or choose evil, heaven forbid. Whether to accept suffering with faith and trust, or to accept suffering with anger and complaints, heaven forbid.

Ultimately, we see that we all descend with our quota of suffering in this world, each person with their personal struggles. Yet, there are those who suffer without elevating themselves, and those who transform their suffering into a ladder to sanctity and immense, eternal spiritual abundance by standing firm in their life's test of faith and trusting in Hashem, who loves them and acts for their benefit. And that is what one should focus on during the recitation of Shema: "You shall love Hashem, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul (even if He takes your life), and all your means (all you possess)." We have the ability to offer our suffering as a sacrifice before Hashem, and gain endless love. Nevertheless, we should always continue to pray and hope for visible goodness in this world, for no prayer ever returns empty.

Special thanks to Rabbi Zamir Cohen shlit"a for assisting me in writing this response.