Why Can’t a Kohen Marry a Divorced Woman? The Spiritual Reason Behind This Torah Law

Dina asks: "I would like to understand why a Kohen (a descendant of the priestly class) is forbidden to marry a divorced woman (Leviticus 21:7). What is considered 'wrong' with her? And why isn’t her personal situation taken into account? Thank you."

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Dear Dina,

Thank you for your thoughtful and sincere question.

To begin, it’s important to remember that the compassion you feel for divorced women—and for anyone who is vulnerable or struggling—originates from G-d Himself. He is the one who planted the trait of compassion in the human heart. Just consider: a cat who sees another injured cat on the road doesn’t feel compassion. It might not even look twice. Humans however are created in the image of G-d, and He instilled within us the capacity to care. The Jewish people were given an even deeper well of mercy, as the verse says: “He will give you compassion and be compassionate to you” (Deuteronomy 13:18).

Our sages taught: “There are three defining traits of the Jewish people: they are compassionate, humble, and generous” (Yevamot 79). These are reflections of G-d’s own attributes, as in “The Lord, the Lord, a compassionate and gracious G-d…” (Exodus 34:6). On that note, if we feel compassion for others, G-d—who is the very source of compassion—feels it infinitely more. This of course includes His compassion for divorced women.

The Torah itself says: “Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace” (Proverbs 3:17). Even when we don’t fully understand the reasoning behind a commandment, we can be sure that everything in the Torah comes from compassion, and is ultimately intended for our benefit, both in this world and the next. This is evident in the way the Torah speaks about G-d’s care for orphans, widows, and the poor:

• “You shall not afflict any widow or orphan. If you afflict them and they cry out to Me, I will surely hear their cry” (Exodus 22:21–22)

• “Do not close your hand to your needy brother…You shall surely open your hand to him” (Deuteronomy 15:7–8)

• “When you harvest your field and forget a sheaf, do not go back for it—it shall be for the stranger, the orphan, and the widow” (Deuteronomy 24:19)

We know that G-d deeply understands every person’s heart, and especially the hearts of those in vulnerable situations. Just like a painful medical procedure might be necessary to heal a person, there are commandments that may seem difficult on the surface but are intended to repair the soul and lead to lasting good.

Regarding your specific question, imagine if G-d Himself appeared to you and revealed that a certain man is not your destined soulmate and that marrying him would not end well. Would you still go through with it? After all, Judaism teaches that G-d is the one who makes soulmates. He creates one soul, splits it into two parts—one male and one female—and sends them into this world to reunite in the form of marriage. We pray that He will help us find our true partner so that we can build a happy life and fulfill our unique purpose. Surely, if G-d told you directly who your true match is—or isn’t—you would trust Him and act accordingly.

The Torah is not just a book of rules, but a guidebook from the Creator—a kind of spiritual "user manual" designed to help us live fulfilling lives. When we follow its instructions, we align ourselves with our deeper spiritual path. When we ignore them, we risk emotional and spiritual pain.

According to the Torah, G-d made a special promise to the priestly tribe (Kohanim) that their true soulmates, their divinely matched partners, would not be from among women who are divorced. This doesn’t mean there’s something “wrong” with divorced women—it simply means that their souls come from a different spiritual root. A marriage between a Kohen and a divorced woman would lack the deep, soul-level bond that a true soulmate connection requires. With time, that misalignment would become clear, sometimes painfully so.

That said, it's crucial to emphasize that there is absolutely nothing defective or unworthy about a divorced woman. Look at some of our greatest Biblical figures:

• Joshua married Rahab, who converted to Judaism.

• Boaz married Ruth the Moabite, a widowed foreigner.

• King David married Abigail, who was also a widow.

These men were spiritual giants, and they married women with complex personal histories who became righteous and beloved. There is no spiritual “stain” in being divorced or widowed. Rather, it shows us that every soul has its match, and that not all souls are destined to be joined together.

A divorced woman has already connected—on a soul level—with someone in marriage. That relationship later ended, but the process itself leaves a spiritual imprint. Divorce, from a Jewish perspective, is not a failure, but is often part of a soul’s correction or journey. It can reflect past-life tikkun (soul rectification), and it doesn't say anything negative about her worth or character. It simply means that she is not spiritually matched to someone from the Kohen lineage. Her true soulmate is still out there, but he will be from among the wider Jewish population, and not the priestly family.

This isn’t a punishment, and it certainly isn’t a moral judgment. It is simply a matter of spiritual alignment, like matching frequencies. G-d, in His kindness, sets these boundaries so that people won’t enter into mismatched relationships that could cause heartbreak or unfulfilled potential in this world and the next.

A divorced woman should continue searching with hope and confidence for her true soulmate among the Jewish people, because her perfect match does exist, and he is destined for her. With G-d's help, she will find him and they will build a joyful, meaningful life together.