My Close Father: Praying to You, Believing in You

In the previous article, we observed how Hashem reveals Himself to people in various ways; sometimes appearing more as a king, at other times more as a father or a close friend. We must now explore the best way to relate to Hashem to strengthen our faith and avoid failing in it.

Let’s begin with the question: Who is Hashem truly, beyond all His various conduct?

As stated in the Book of Isaiah (Chapter 55, Verse 8): "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares Hashem. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."

The Torah teaches that Hashem is beyond any form or image we can conceive, thus it is forbidden to try to depict or sculpt "His image."

Hashem is so sublime, as explained by Rambam, that even when we say Hashem is one, the word "one" falls short of describing His true oneness because, in human language, "one" always describes one out of many or one that can be divided. Hashem is absolutely one in a way that cannot be described in words, nor comprehended by human mind or imagination. We use "one" to know He is not two, as this is the closest word in our language to describe His oneness (Moreh Nevuchim Part I, Chapter 58). Yet, our language and thoughts are still as distant as heaven from earth from what Hashem truly is, even when we say Hashem is one, our understanding is far from grasping it.

In ancient times, idolaters imagined the greatest god as the sun, or a large figure sitting on a cloud. Without telescopes, they could count no more than 4000 stars in the sky. In recent centuries, as we discovered a vast universe, there are no more idolaters in the modern world because it is no longer imaginable to view the Creator as a figure or a star when we know there are billions of stars, some larger than our entire solar system.

Today, even a simple farmer can understand that the Creator of this universe is beyond imagination, that Hashem is infinite and indescribable. Hashem created such a vast universe to help us comprehend how far beyond human intellect He is, as described by the prophet Isaiah (Chapter 40, Verse 25): "To whom will you compare Me? Or who is My equal? says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes and see who created these, He who brings out the starry host one by one, calls them each by name." From observing the number and size of stars, a person can grasp how wondrous and incredible the Creator of the Universe is.

What the world only discovered recently, the Torah asserted thousands of years ago, that Hashem is in heaven and on earth, beyond investigation or end. The sages also astonishingly knew thousands of years ago that there are billions upon billions of stars in space (Berakhot 32b), contrary to what astronomers of ancient times estimated. The sages’ perspective always recognized Hashem as the Creator beyond estimation and measure, "performing great wonders beyond number" (Job Chapter 5, Verse 9).

For this reason, the sages forbid adding praises to Hashem beyond those we have in our traditional prayers, as the praises have no end. Whoever tries to add actually detracts. It's akin to a farmer entering the tremendous palace of the world's richest king adorned in gold and pearls, and, amazed by its grandeur, tells the king: "How remarkable and unique is the handle of the guest room!" Or imagine a farmer approaching the world’s most famous mathematician and exclaims: "How amazing that you know the multiplication table, I am also really impressed by your wisdom in addition and subtraction...". Thus appears one who adds praises beyond what the sages established in prayer, diminishing before the Master of the Universe (see Berakhot 33a). In this way, the sages taught us how great and mighty Hashem is, distant from all comprehension.

If Hashem is distant from every human concept, how can we pray to Him and feel Him as a close father?

Those not versed in learning Rambam's "Moreh Nevuchim" may feel distanced from Hashem when reading about how exalted and incomprehensible He is, even compared to the human words we use to describe Him. If Hashem is so great and high compared to us, how can we engage with Him in our language and speech?

Even the greatest, richest, wisest, and strongest father loves his child more than anything else in the world. The child may be small and weak, but the father engages at his child's level, smiles at him, laughs with him in his childish laughter, gives him a candy, and cares for him according to his needs. The father desires a relationship with his child and seeks closeness, even though the child barely knows how to speak and is far from comprehending his father's world of concepts. The Torah portrays Hashem as our Father, so that we understand that despite the immense distance between the created and the Creator, Hashem takes a personal interest in us and wishes for our good like a father.

The sages guided us to approach Hashem gradually, not all at once, "from not for its own sake to for its own sake." Trying to educate a small child that Hashem is merely a mighty king and creator of the universe and all within will not give him the tools needed to love Hashem and joyfully fulfill His commandments. Conversely, a mature teenager who views Hashem only as a close friend and personal psychologist may lose connection with the Creator when faced with challenges and trials that Hashem places in his life for his benefit. Thus, what is the correct way to serve Hashem?

The answer is found in the sages’ expression: Avinu Malkeinu (Our Father, Our King). During the Ten Days of Repentance, and at various points in daily prayer, we refer to Hashem both as a king and a judge, and as a compassionate father. These are the two known attributes of Hashem's conduct in His world: the attribute of justice and the attribute of mercy. The wise believer knows how to balance his faith between these two attributes, relating to Hashem as the most important king and yet as the most loving and close Father.

The question then arises: How exactly do we do this? How do we find the fine line between viewing Hashem as the Great King (attribute of awe) and viewing Him as a loving and close Father (attribute of love)?

I’ve been blessed to meet a number of Torah scholars who maintained their faith even when facing severe trials. How did they accomplish this? Unlike many young people who view Hashem as a "small father," these scholars regarded Hashem as a "great father." Let's clarify the difference: Many young people today, especially those becoming more observant, view Hashem in the manner a sixteen-year-old might view his slightly elder father. The teenager expects understanding from his father and anticipates assistance at a level he can comprehend, as the communication between a father and a sixteen-year-old allows them to speak somewhat eye to eye. This describes the perspective of many young people, who approach Hashem as teenagers before a not-ancient father, maintaining not much of a distance. This approach treats Hashem as a "small father," meaning a father at a level they understand, expected to communicate in terms they comprehend.

In contrast, viewing Hashem as a "great father" equates to the relationship between an infant and his father. Here lies the key difference in perspective. Undoubtedly, the father loves and understands his infant son and is enormously interested in him, yet he is not concerned by the baby’s cries and screams when it is time to change a diaper or when the pacifier is dirty and needs washing.

Hashem is not only a father, He is also a healer of all flesh. We should regard our sufferings as necessary surgeries, intended to heal and correct our souls' defects, whether in this incarnation or others. Unlike a youth anticipating close communication from his young father, the infant doesn’t expect for a moment that he can understand his mature father. Understanding their standing before the Creator, they will not complain or get angry, as an infant doesn't complain before his father who knows what's best for him. The righteous among them will even thank for the suffering, as an uninformed patient thanks his operating doctor, having no understanding of medical science.

This "great father" view undoubtedly reveals far more humility than the childish view of a "small father." The believers place themselves in Hashem’s hands with complete trust, as an infant in a cradle trusts his father and mother. This perception of Hashem as a healer and mature father caring for his infant children greatly aids in coping with the often difficult reality in our world. It's much more sensible to pray and plead deeply to a great father, who might listen to his infant son’s cries and decide to give him a candy (or adjust the medical treatment to lessen his pain). A father always does what’s best for his infant child, even if the child desperately wants the candy or pacifier that fell on the floor. This means a suffering person can cry to the heavens that he doesn’t want to live, and that the entire world is worth nothing in his eyes, yet before his Heavenly Father, his cries are no different from the tears of a baby crying to the heavens for a candy, finding the world worthless without it. One cannot heed the cries of the patient when surgery is necessary to save his life, and ultimately the patient will express gratitude. This is what the sages promised us, that in the World to Come we will all thank Hashem and say over the sufferings "the One Who is good and benefits" when we understand the great good they brought.

This approach, taught by the sages, enables us to face the world much more successfully, allowing us to continue praying to Hashem with tears and supplications, even when reality contradicts the personal love we so desire to receive. A "small father" would need to speak our language and assist according to our understanding, but a great father doesn’t always have to give us what we want, because he knows what's better for us than we do. This doesn’t mean Hashem is distant from us; on the contrary, parents are very close to their infant children, they listen to their cries, are greatly interested in them, and do all they can to attend to their needs and improve their situation, but they always know what’s best for them – and will do what’s needed even if it causes pain and tears.

Here lies the faith and the delicate bond between awe and love, between the attribute of justice and the attribute of mercy. The choice to believe that Hashem knows what is best for us and is still very close to us even when we expect different guidance.

Note that from this outlook of viewing Hashem as a "great father," we have essentially combined all the perspectives described in the previous article: On one hand, Hashem is a lofty and exalted King, because He indeed is a "great and important father," yet at the same time He is very loving and compassionate, as He is, known to us, a father who cares deeply for his child’s most personal needs. Additionally, He also resembles a father-friend because He always listens to the infant’s needs and is interested in his small child’s beloved requests.

This is also why we pray to Hashem with all our heart, for a father hears the cries of his small child and listens to his pleas, and often can ease the situation. Just as a baby often cries to catch his mother's attention, our prayers bring us closer to the Creator and evoke heavenly compassion for us.

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As we've seen, we should stop viewing Hashem as a "small father" at our level, and acknowledge that despite all the logic and reason granted to us, we still stand before the Lord of the Universe as small children. There's no doubt that someone who views Hashem as a great father is closer to the truth, thus, his faith will be stronger and his life better, for he is truly closer to Hashem as He truly is.

Here we encounter an interesting point: The more a person is arrogant before Hashem, thinking he can understand his "small father" – the more he will suffer in life; yet the more a person is humble before Hashem, trusting his great father who knows better than he does – his life will be easier and better. This is the true humility required of those who trust in Hashem, viewing themselves as small children before the Creator of the Universe, not as big teenagers. This is explicitly stated in the Torah: "You are children of Hashem your God" (Deuteronomy 14:1). The Torah similarly describes suffering: "And know in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so Hashem your God disciplines you" (Deuteronomy 8:5). The sufferings are meant to educate us and correct our souls.

This is the way the Torah guides us to cope with reality, with trust in Hashem in every situation: "Walk wholeheartedly with Hashem your God" (Deuteronomy 18:13), as Rashi explains: "Walk with Him wholeheartedly and anticipate Him, and do not investigate the future, but whatever happens to you accept with wholeheartedness, and then you will be with Him and belong to His portion."

With Hashem’s help, may we attain humility, and from it, also true and complete faith in the kindness and goodness of the Creator.