If Only I Had More: How to Be Happy and Joyful

Everyone believes that if they just had this or that, they would be happy. It seems reasonable! Let's examine this notion closely, and to be honest, you might be surprised.

Dear readers, you would agree with me that everyone has many plans and desires they wish to fulfill, and they are certain that once some or most of these are realized, they will be happy.

Now to percentages: A person might claim that they are 70% satisfied with life. If they had more money, they believe they would be completely happy at 100%. In other words, the gap is only 30% due to their financial situation. When this improves, the gap will close, and happiness will follow. Another example: current satisfaction is 50%. But if they lost 17 extra kilograms, they believe they would be happy. So, the gap between happiness and their current state depends on those extra kilograms, and a 50% gap would close to 100% (since that's what prevents happiness).

But is this really the case? Let's reveal the findings of a study conducted in the US. Thousands were asked about their life satisfaction, specifically how happy they are. Naturally, a wide range of fascinating answers emerged. Data showed some people were happier, some less so, and those not entirely happy cited missing things... a jeep for one, a house for another, paying off a mortgage, gaining social appreciation, or dreaming of job promotions.

What happened after 20 years?

Twenty years later, the same individuals were revisited to see their progress. Imagine what happens over twenty years! Some became wealthy; others lost their wealth. Some married, became famous, or advanced, while others encountered difficulties, illnesses, and more. Yet, the most astonishing finding revealed that those whose life satisfaction was 60% remained at the same joy level even after achieving their desired promotions.

Of course, some saw an increase in happiness from these changes, but it was a maximum of 10%. Conversely, individuals who rated their life satisfaction at 80% or 90% remained at the same happiness level despite facing difficulties. Again, change was a maximum of 10%.

Researchers concluded that what you have or lack doesn't determine your happiness. The true question is about your perspective on what you have and your life. One who isn't happy with closing a mortgage stays psychologically unchanged. A woman who doesn't appreciate herself and thinks a diet will change her mental state should remember: it won't change happiness as long as self-worth isn't recognized!

Was this a novel insight for Jewish thought? Not at all. Instead, it is an affirmation for those who adhere to the teachings of our sages and the Jewish view on joy. As our sages in Pirkei Avot taught us, a rich person is "one who is happy with their lot," and as found in Talmud, Rabbi Meir's statement, "Who is rich? One who finds contentment in their wealth," meaning your attitude towards what you have is what counts.

In lectures or workshops, I often explain the fifth blessing of the Sheva Brachot recited for a bride and groom: "Let these beloved friends rejoice as You gladdened Your creature in the Garden of Eden of old." Why were Adam and Eve so happy? Because they lacked comparison; they were the only man and woman in the world. Focusing on what one has yields peace and, consequently, joy.

Rabbi Avraham Ben Asulin is a rabbi and speaker for the Hidabroot channel, specializing in human psychology.