Naomi Haimov: My Son Still Looks for His Father and Doesn't Understand Why He Doesn't Answer

It happened on the night of Simchat Torah. The couple, Aharon and Naomi Haimov, had returned from a festive meal at Naomi's relatives. Aharon was particularly tired after working nearly up to the holiday as a senior medic at MDA. "I saw he was still awake in bed and started talking to him. About how good we are together, how we strive to strengthen our relationship, how every moment is precious to us and we try to avoid silly arguments," recounts Naomi. "I told him how much I love him, and he shared how much he loves me back."

Only later did Naomi realize these precious and touching memories were among her last with her husband, who was murdered the next day. "The last moment I saw him was when he ran from the building towards the ambulance for the rescue call he received after we were together with the children in the shelter. In the moments I was scared on the couch at my parents' house, while he went out to save lives and didn’t answer his phone, I was already thinking of the worst, I thought that maybe this was a farewell, and tried to divert that thought. Today I understand that's truly what it was, and it was the best farewell we could have had."

Aharon and Naomi married about four and a half years ago and lived in Ofakim. They have two children: three-year-old Tehila and two-year-old Ari. Aharon is the son of Rabbi Yosef Haimov, leader of the Bukharian community in the city. Several years ago, Aharon decided to volunteer in the civilian service of MDA, and when he completed his service, he was offered a permanent position there. His manager deeply appreciated him and foresaw a great future for him in the field.

Naomi worked in an office role. "I'm a woman accustomed to home and work, nothing much more. The most normal life in the world, no adventures. That changed in a moment," she describes with a trembling voice and falls silent.

"When he volunteered at MDA, he only had morning shifts without nights or holidays. But when he officially started working at MDA, it was supposed to include nights, Shabbat, and holidays. On the first Shabbat, he told me in frustration that he couldn't work on Shabbat. He talked about it a lot. I advised him to talk about it with his manager, but he was apprehensive. I told him we believe provision is from Hashem, and Hashem has many ways and will look after us. He indeed went to talk to him. On the day of the funeral, his manager told me from his perspective that he saw someone telling the whole truth, unable to, causing him great distress, it was in his blood. As a result, he was allowed not to work on Shabbat and only be on call when there was no team and it was truly an emergency. That’s what happened that Shabbat, he was on emergency call, hence he was the first to respond in this case."

Did you have a bad feeling when he was called?

"No, but later, when I was at my mother's, we didn't know there were terrorists in the city. When I ran during a ceasefire between the alarms from my mother's house to mine with the children, and my brother, who's a soldier, turned on the phone and called him, and he didn’t answer, the line was busy—I immediately understood something happened to him. Because Aharon would answer me in any situation, even in the middle of CPR. He always wanted to be there for me and know everything was okay if I called. I had in my head that they were going to tell me the worst, and I tried to keep that worst away from me. Then, when they came to tell me, they asked to bring the kids into the room, I started screaming for them to leave, and I knew they were going to come. My siblings didn’t understand why I was yelling like that, but I got it all right away. It was terrible."

Later, Naomi began gathering the details about Aharon's death circumstances. "MDA collected all the materials and described to me what happened. He drove with the ambulance towards the third exit of Ofakim, from which the terrorists emerged, and they shot the ambulance on the driver's side. The bullet entered the side of the ambulance, straight into the driver's seat, and from there straight to the heart. Then the ambulance continued until it hit a wall. He was alone in the ambulance, and his death was immediate. Before that, he had accelerated at a crazy speed, probably realizing the situation, but it didn't work."

Aharon's father is the rabbi of the Bukharian community in the city, how is the family handling this?

"We have no choice but to accept it. But dealing with it is solely based on faith. We know he is in a high place, and he was killed for sanctifying Hashem’s name on the path of saving lives. This is really the half-consolation that gives us the strength to get up and continue forward. It doesn't negate the longing and pain, but it's what holds us, knowing that with the coming of the Mashiach, we will see him."

How do you explain to the children?

"When they came to tell me, the social worker who quickly arrived from welfare asked me if I wanted to tell the kids. It was a very difficult situation for me, and he tried to explain to our daughter Tehila, who is three. He asked her if she knew where daddy was, and she said he went to save people. Then he explained to her that something awful happened to him, and she said, 'It's okay, but he'll be back soon.' Then she came and tried to reassure me that he didn't go to Sderot, because she understood that I was worried about that. Then she suddenly told me that daddy is hurting but there's nobody to save him, and those were words that really pained me.

"Ever since, every day, we give a kiss to his picture and say 'Good morning' to him. We told her that daddy is in *shamayim*, learning Torah with the children, and with Hashem's will, when the Mashiach comes, he will return with him, and that's what she says. The little boy, Ari, two years old, only says 'Shamayim,' that daddy is in *shamayim*. One morning I took him to kindergarten, and he missed daddy. I explained to him that daddy hears him and he can talk to him, and he shouted: 'Daddy,' and waited for a response. Then he looked at me sad and disappointed, and said that daddy doesn't answer... it was heartbreaking."

How are you coping since Simchat Torah?

"The truth is, it's really in stages, I haven't returned to routine yet. I feel I need to give myself time. At the moment, I live at my parents' house, the children and I haven't returned to our home since Simchat Torah, it's still very difficult. I sometimes go in to get things I need, but it's really hard for me to be there. My parents' house is very small, so the kids and I live in one room that my brother gave up for us. It's very hard, but right now it’s the only option, it’s the daily support that I really need now.

"Beyond that, I suddenly have a lot of things to sort out that Aharon always took care of, like bills and banks. I'm slowly getting into them. Meanwhile, I try to give myself my moments and do what makes me feel good. There are moments on Shabbat that are very hard for me. We manage, but it's not simple."

Who was Aharon to you?

"One thing everyone said about him, which very much characterized him, is that it was always fun to talk to him because he gave a good feeling to everyone who spoke with him. Always with a smile on his face, always laughed. You could see that when people came to the shiva, on one side the most Haredi people, on the other side friends from MDA who aren't religious at all, young and old. But it didn't matter to him, for him a person was a person, religious or secular, young or old, everyone was his friend, and that's something I really take from him. He had a really good heart.

"Another thing I really loved about him was that he was a gentle person. At first, I was afraid for him joining MDA, and how he would handle it, but he simply acted to save lives and didn’t let his gentleness take over. I feel he was such a good person with a good heart, that it's no coincidence the bullet went straight to that heart, so he wouldn't suffer, he didn't deserve to suffer, he did good to people, and now he will go without suffering.

"He had so many aspirations. Lately, he would sit every day after work, and even during work hours when there was none, trying to study, complete his matriculation and advance, in order to get into a paramedic course. He was a senior medic, and it was right before the course. As his wife, I always tried to support him even when it was very difficult, I didn't let anything stop it for a moment; it was important to me he fulfilled his aspirations. Many times I told him I run my schedule according to his, trying to ease him as much as possible. It’s important for me that people know who he was, and that he went as a sacrifice for all of us so that we can continue to be here."

Naomi Haimov was a guest on Moran Kurs's show "Not Taken for Granted." The full interview will be published soon.