"Since the Murder of Yehuda at the Party in Re'im, I've Learned to Be Grateful"

As the Simchat Torah holiday ended, Naama Feivelson and Michal Becker heard with sorrow about the terrible disaster that had occurred in the south. They had no inkling that Yehuda, their dear and beloved brother, was also there. Five days later, they faced the worst: Yehuda had been shot and killed by terrorists, along with a friend.

"We didn't know he was going to the party," Michal says. "He traveled for a brit in the north on Thursday, and at that time had not planned to go to the party. He made the decision at the last minute, so we had no idea he was there at all. It was only after the holiday that our older brother, Uriya, found out through someone who was there and knew him. All our searches for him were in vain, and he did not answer his phone. We endured a very tough week until we heard the worst."

Yehuda was 24 when he was murdered. He was the fifth of seven children, described as a particularly beloved brother. He grew up in a Haredi family; his parents became religious before he was born and divorced years ago. Both now live in Beitar Illit. Naama is five years older than him, and Michal is two years younger. When they speak about him, the quivering voice and the shock that hasn't yet given way to real recognition of his absence and acceptance of his death cannot be overlooked.

Yehuda and his sister Michal

Even as a teenager, Yehuda's sisters described him as a very genuine person, committed to his personal and independent inner search. "As a teenager, Yehuda studied in a small yeshiva but struggled to survive in the framework and eventually left," Naama describes. "After leaving the yeshiva, he connected to a youth advancement program, completed some kind of computer course, and for a time worked in the Ministry of Interior in a decent position with a respectable salary anyone would want. He loved life, was energetic, loved to run and jump, talk to people. At some point, he felt unfulfilled in his role and decided to leave despite the comfort. He always aspired for independence, leaving the cycle of pursuing income as an employee. Eventually, he started his own security camera installation business, recently living with our father in Beit Shemesh. They had a very special bond."

Simultaneously, Yehuda was always engaged in his spiritual development as well. "Even after leaving the yeshiva, he did not sever his connection with Hashem," says Naama. "He always wore a kippah and had faith. Every Shabbat, he loved studying sections of the Torah, singing Shabbat songs, and learning words of Torah. Sometimes when observance becomes challenging and there's an inner dissonance, people seek external justification for unanswered questions, but he wasn't like that. Yehuda was very genuine and always stayed connected."

Yehuda ז''ל

"Since His Murder, I've Learned to Be Grateful"

As mentioned, the news of his death came only five days after the party. During these days, the family went through deep turmoil, swinging between hope that he was alive and hints leading to a completely different story. "On Monday of that week, we received a recording from a girl who was with him in the car, survived, and reached the 'Shaare Zedek' hospital. We wanted to talk to her and ask about him immediately, but she suffered from PTSD symptoms, found it hard to talk, and it was difficult to get information from her. Eventually, Yehuda's friends managed to release a recording where she described that Yehuda was driving a friend's car, with the three of them inside. At some point, shots were fired at them, and Yehuda was the first hit. She saw he wasn't moving but didn't know if he was dead. Later, the second friend was also shot. She hid behind and covered herself with a sweater. She eventually escaped through the window, was kidnapped, and managed to escape."

"Later, we were notified by the police that there was a phone signal triangulation showing he was some distance from the car. We had hope he managed to escape and was perhaps hiding. We tried to do whatever we could to find him. My father even went down to the field and searched among the bushes, walking around and calling his name at the top of his lungs."

"At one point, we received a call from some hospital saying there was a guy resembling his picture. My father and Shlomo, one of the brothers, went to try to identify if it was him, and it turned out it wasn't. On Wednesday, a social worker spoke with us, having talked to the same girl, and added clear details about him being shot in the chest area and not moving for two hours, and we started to understand... On Thursday, they already sent us a clear message that he was murdered. It took time, as there were sadly hundreds of bodies to identify."

What is your last memory of Yehuda?

"On the Tuesday of Chol Hamoed Sukkot, we celebrated a brit for a new baby girl in the family," Michal recounts, "I hardly managed to talk to him; he had just returned from Uman. He described having a significant spiritual experience there, talked about Rabbi Nachman and the parable of the 'Indik' (the turkey), and tried to influence my partner toward spirituality and depth. He had this spiritual calmness. It's amazing how I was supposedly more religious than him, yet he had this constant passion to talk about spiritual things."

"I have all kinds of small, cute memories from Sukkot," Naama adds, "but one significantly meaningful meeting was on Erev Yom Kippur. I was at my father's house, cooking a pre-fast meal. He came to eat, and we talked. He always praised the food, shared words of Torah about discovering how the evil inclination appears in different disguises trying to lead him astray. He really inspired me, and I thought to myself how special he was."

Is there anything about him that you take to heart from him?

"He was very friendly and sociable," Michal describes, "a friend to everyone, loved meeting friends. Parties expressed his connection to meeting people, love, warmth, and relationships. He had a joy of life and intensity. His friends call him the 'Lion of Light,' and he always likened himself to a lion, feeling full of strength.

(Photo: Chaim Goldberg / Flash 90)

"Overall, he was a character who gave a lot of inspiration to others, life tips, he was very positive. He received fines and tickets more than others in the family and would always say thank you, passing that attitude on to others. He always said it's not about 'why this is happening to me,' but rather 'how I lift myself out of it.' He had great gratitude and a love of the people of Israel. On our last trip together, I noticed how he loved talking to everyone he met, from the guard to the cashier, always saw the person in them and connected with everyone, even small children. He always listened to them at their level and loved them boundlessly."

Naama adds an important layer: "Posts and magnets of 'Mizmor LeTodah' were released in his memory, because he would say 'Mizmor LeTodah' ten and even fifteen times a day, being thankful for the smallest things. That was exceptional. There's a famous video clip of him with some friends at scenic spots, where he's excitedly shouting to Hashem, 'thank you for the abundance.' My daughter, who's 8, only yesterday remembered and talked about how Yehuda would get so excited and shout about the abundance. His ability to see the good in everything was incredible. To focus on the good, to be moved by it, not to take it for granted, and to seek it in every situation, to believe it is always there. I constantly draw from his gratitude, as his name suggested."

"Honestly, I once thought gratitude wasn't real, but since his murder, it accompanies me as a significant message. I think Yehuda wasn't just some naive person saying thank you for everything, but he had something innerly connected to this gratitude towards Hashem, without doubts. It was real, even when he got stuck at 2 AM in the pouring rain with the car, came out, and shouted 'thank you, Hashem, for the abundance.' I strive to learn from him, to connect to this place, to remember one can be thankful for every situation."

Is there anything you didn't know about him that you discovered only after his death?

"Absolutely, and it was deeply moving," Naama shares. "One of the days in the shiva, a Haredi avrech came in, crying. He told us his name is Yonatan and that he was Yehuda's study partner (chavruta) for five years and sat with us for several hours, sharing. He told us about their acquaintanceship, which was very interesting and coincidental, about an amazing friendship and meetings almost daily, and about Yehuda's great love and connection to Torah study. They studied together the tractate Bava Kama, mostly at this avrech's home in Geula, without us ever knowing or hearing about him before."

"He related how once they traveled to a spring together, and upon arriving, Yonatan realized it wasn't for him as there were boys and girls. Yehuda didn't give up, found a different spot and suggested they sit and study the Talmud. Everyone passing by looked in shock: out of nowhere sat a Haredi avrech and a tanned guy in a tank top, engrossed in study, oblivious to their surroundings and who was watching. It was a great sanctification of Hashem's name. Yonatan was initially embarrassed, but Yehuda pushed to continue, fully absorbed in learning. This event repeated in other places they met, like at the Western Wall plaza and in the Mahane Yehuda Market. We didn't know this side of him well, and it was very touching. Later, we heard about it from someone else too. It's crazy how you should never judge anyone, and how it's impossible to even understand what being a Jew is..."

Finally, as I try to understand how someone says goodbye to a beloved brother who was such a unique personality and taken so suddenly, they both pause for a moment and sigh. "It's difficult; each of us in the family has our own struggles and where this meets us," Naama says. "My father finds it harder; he was very close to Yehuda. What consoles us greatly is the sanctification of Hashem’s name that hasn’t ceased even after his death. For instance, a video of him was distributed worldwide, showing him singing 'Elokai Neshamah' from his heart. Two young men came to my father with a huge stack of letters from Jews around the world, many not religious at all, who wanted to express their feelings about this video. They all described how it brought them closer to themselves and Hashem, saying he made a great mission out of his death. It’s unimaginable."

Naama Feivelson and Michal Becker were interviewed for the program "Not Taken for Granted" by Moran Kors. The full interview will be published soon.