Strengthening Thousands of Reserve-Duty Wives Through Writing and Connection

For weeks now, many women have been managing life alone at home while their husbands serve in reserve duty. They fear for their husbands’ safety, pray constantly, and hope for even a few precious “after” hours when their husbands can briefly come home. In the meantime, they shoulder everything — household, children, work, emotions.

Reserve-duty wives are carrying heavy loads, both technical and emotional. Couples therapist Yiska Shomer decided to step in and created a special WhatsApp group offering daily writing prompts meant to strengthen, encourage, and help women cope through this long and difficult period.

“They’re breaking into homes… and you’re leaving?”

Like many others on Simchat Torah morning, Yiska’s husband left home for reserve duty. “I found myself in those hours like all of Am Yisrael — shocked, pained, speechless, and yet proud to be part of something bigger happening to our nation,” she says.

“But soon after, other feelings joined in — feelings I almost hesitate to say aloud — anger, frustration, abandonment. Deep in my heart I felt: ‘They just infiltrated homes, and you’re going? Hello? Stay and protect us!’

In my mind I wanted to encourage him, to speak differently, but none of those thoughts came out. For years I’ve worked with self-awareness and emotional listening, but at that moment nothing was accessible. I tried to be present with my feelings, but I was completely overwhelmed.”

Those difficult emotions didn’t pass quickly.

A Need for Support Leads to Two Initiatives

“I felt my emotional energy slipping toward anger and fear. I couldn’t sleep, and I woke up glued to the news. It was too much — I needed help.”

From that realization, she took two steps:

1. She opened a morning focus group for her students — starting each day with prayer and inward listening.

2. She approached Tair Charif, a facilitator of emotional development through writing, and proposed they open a WhatsApp group where women could write letters to their husbands at the front — creating a different kind of energy between them.

“All of it was originally meant to save myself. I had no idea how many women would find this meaningful.” The group began operating a few days after the war started.

Daily Writing Prompts that Rebuild Connection

“Usually, we try to give space to the emotions that arise in the present moment,” says Yiska. “But the emotions were so heavy that sinking into them wouldn’t help. So we chose the opposite direction — to import the emotional states we want to reach.”

Each day, they send a simple writing invitation, designed to strengthen the woman and revive the healthy parts of the relationship:

• “I wanted to tell you that the thing that most strengthens me today is…”

• “I appreciate you for… and I appreciate myself for…”

• “Just before Shabbat, I bless you with… and I bless myself with…”

“These prompts are simple, but they activate our strongest internal resources.” The group, called “Letters to My Beloved,” now includes over a thousand women.

“Writing together pulls us out of the ‘city of victimhood,’” Yiska explains. “Women can build entire emotional cities of helplessness — and it’s justified, but it’s exhausting.

When a husband knows he has support behind him, it gives him strength. And these heartfelt words awaken strength inside us, too.”

What Reserve-Duty Wives Are Going Through

“All these women understand something historic is happening in Am Yisrael. Many feel it’s an honor to take part in this national mission. But that doesn’t erase the intense personal challenge.”

The challenges include:

• Loss of a sense of personal safety

• Sleepless nights

• Managing home and children alone

• Constant worry

• Emotional overwhelm

• Practical difficulties (car trouble, kids’ schedules, work obligations)

“One friend spent four hours at a car repair shop with six small kids,” she shares.

Support Comes from Unexpected Places

Yiska herself faced challenges.One day she received a call from a volunteer program called “Support From Home,” asking if she needed help as a reserve-duty wife.

“Just being seen brought me to tears,” she recalls. Although she initially declined, she later realized her 21-year-old daughter needed help moving apartments — and they had no one to assist. The volunteers arrived and handled everything, start to finish.

What Do the Men Say?

“Most husbands receive the letters with joy and emotion,” Yiska explains. “Eventually, my husband Yonatan even opened a men’s version of the group.”

Some men, however:

• Have no access to their phones

• Cannot emotionally engage

• Are too overwhelmed to respond

“That’s why we tell the women: Write without expecting reciprocity. For weeks, I only received an emoji from Yonatan. That was all he was capable of inside such intense activity.”

Still, the writing benefits the women deeply.

“One woman told me she’s learning how to express her emotions for the first time. Another said she never imagined war would give her and her husband the language of love they always longed for.”

Do Hard Emotions Have a Place?

“Of course. Women share their pain through the writing. But the tone is one of growth, not victimhood.”

She adds: “When my husband first left, I judged myself harshly. ‘You don’t have the right to feel pain — people are suffering much more.’
But through the group, I saw how many women feel exactly what I feel.

We are holding the emotional space our families will return to after the war. We must not collapse. We must carry the energy of love and rebuilding.”

Chazal said: “In the merit of righteous women, Israel was redeemed.” And Yiska reflects: “When women hold a frequency of love during chaos, that spirit sustains redemption.”

How Can a Woman Stay Strong When Her Husband Is Gone?

“On a personal level, I pull myself out of emotional darkness several times a day. We must learn to be the leaders of our own emotional worlds.”

This includes:

• Honoring difficult feelings

• Naming frustration and abandonment

• Not suppressing emotions

• Not sacrificing emotional health to constant action

• Identifying what we want to feel

• Bringing that energy into ourselves

• Guiding the tone of phone conversations

• Creating depth, not just logistics

“It’s about building leadership over your life,” she says.

Writing to the husband also opens new neural pathways: “A person can stay trapped in their own mental loop, but communication creates movement.”

Common Questions Women Ask

Women in the group ask heartbreaking and practical questions:

• How do we celebrate an anniversary when he’s away?

• How do we maintain intimacy over distance?

• What do we say when he loses a friend?

• How do we cope when he leaves for the army right after a fight?

They respond with practical tools:

• A guide for creating a virtual anniversary chuppah

• Videos on navigating intimacy during separation

• Emotional support techniques

The Challenge of the “After” Days

Even when the husband gets a rare 24-hour break, the challenges don’t end.

“When Yonatan came home for my birthday, I wanted to just enjoy him. But the house and business needed attention. So we set boundaries: first guidance from our rabbi and business coach, then emotional release, then reconnecting.”

Learning to manage these short hours without falling apart is a skill, she says.

“We Are Not Alone”

“What strengthened me most,” Yiska concludes, “was discovering that what I feel is shared by countless women.”

Women often tell themselves: “Who am I to complain? Others have it much worse.” “But connecting with others made me realize these emotions are part of our mission. We are the emotional frontline. Women are holding the home front with unbelievable strength.

To hold a frequency of love — even from afar, is a form of redemption. And how wonderful that we are doing it together.”