"Barry Asks Me: 'Why Can't I Be a Regular Kid?"

When Barry Meltzer was two years old, he woke up one morning with a big smile, his golden curls glowing. Without much thought, his mother called out to him: 'Good morning, sunshine boy,' and since then, that name became his second identity. He even introduced himself as: 'Barry Sunshine Meltzer.'

Neither Barry nor his mother imagined at the time that there would come a day when 'Sunshine Boy' would become the name of a special book they would publish about Barry. How could they have imagined? At that time, they were just beginning their journey into the world of allergies. They were just starting the journey.

The Mission of a Lifetime

"The truth is, we discovered Barry's allergy to certain foods when he was a small infant starting his first tastes," says Chen, Barry's mother. "Since Barry was diagnosed at four and a half months with atopic dermatitis, the pediatrician warned us that children with such a diagnosis have a high likelihood of developing food allergies, and he prepared me: 'When you give him his first food samples, do it with maximum caution.' And indeed, that's what happened. At five and a half months, I gave Barry a taste of tahini, and he immediately started to break out around his mouth. Since we were prepared for it, we gave him Fenistil drops right away, which prevented severe reactions like those other children experience when their parents are not prepared."

Chen notes that they took Barry for diagnosis, and soon received the first diagnosis: an allergy to sesame and peanuts. Thanks to this diagnosis, he was also granted two hours of assistance at the daycare. "On one hand, it seems like nothing compared to a whole day," she notes, "but ultimately it was what saved us, because for a long period Barry suffered at the daycare from various symptoms that we didn't attribute to allergies at all, and he would also vomit and break out frequently. One day, the assistant told me she noticed that these side effects always appeared on the same day. We decided to check the menu the children were eating on that day and realized it was legumes. This way, we discovered Barry's allergy also to peas and lentils."

The newly discovered allergy turned the situation upside down, significantly increasing the problem. "Because sesame and peanuts are recognized allergens, it's relatively easy to explain to people that Barry needs to avoid Bamba, hummus, and tahini. But peas? It sounds like something that's hardly present in any product, and that's the big mistake. Peas are found in almost every food product, but since there is no allergen labeling law in the country, we have to scrutinize every list of ingredients, and even then, we can't always know what exactly the product contains. Sometimes the labels are wrong, there are also imported products with stickers that don't match the local language, and there's no oversight on the matter."

So how can you really know and be cautious?

"Fortunately, there's the Yahel Association for food allergies, which includes a large community of parents of allergic children, through which we learn about many products that are prohibited for Barry without us knowing about it, consult when we have questions, and also receive recipes from parents who share the same struggle. These are things that must be constantly monitored because often the ingredients of the products change, and sometimes problematic allergens get mixed in by mistake. Like last year, there was a big recall on honey, as it turned out there were large quantities of honey in the market that could contain milk. From a kosher standpoint, there's no problem, since the milk is nullified in sixty and the honey is considered parve, but for children who are sensitive to milk, this can be very dangerous. The same goes for other products considered parve, but produced on a dairy production line. Some children are very sensitive to such things. Not long ago there was a girl allergic to milk who ate a parve ice pop and ended up in a serious condition."

"On the other hand, there are companies that are so afraid of lawsuits that they write on the packaging that the product might contain all possible allergens, even though it's clear it doesn't. The main thing is that no one will complain, and that's also problematic because sometimes you find yourself buying salt or sugar and discover a list of eight allergens behind them."

The Considerate Cake

Chen learned over time to cope with the challenge of buying products, but as Barry grew, she discovered that dealing with society was no less complex. "It starts already in kindergarten, when kids bring sandwiches with peanut butter or tahini, which can endanger Barry a lot. Although we make sure to inform the parents, sometimes they simply forget or don't understand how dangerous it can be. There was also a case where the contractors who came to do the gardening in the kindergarten yard left peanuts outside. Fortunately, the assistant discovered it. But during the after-school hours, Barry was not eligible for an assistant, which worried us greatly. I know from personal experience that many parents of allergic children don't send their kids to extended care because they are afraid. There are also many private kindergartens that flatly refuse to accept children with allergies because they are very concerned about it."

Does Barry himself understand the meaning of the allergy?

"Barry is a smart child; he knows that products containing allergens may endanger him and cause him side effects. It gets to the point where if he sees a child with Bamba at the park, he'll take a step back on his own accord. But still, he finds himself in many situations where he is very frustrated, especially in social situations where everyone is given sweets or snacks, and he's the only one who can't have any. This mostly happens when he is invited to birthday parties and events, where he finds himself in a big problem, and sometimes he can't taste anything."

And how do you deal with it?

"Specifically regarding the birthday cake, I make sure to bring with us a 'considerate cake' I bake for Barry without the problematic allergens, and since I was a chef in my past, I do it easily and with little effort. Barry knows he gets his cake and has gotten used to it. About two years ago, we had an interesting incident at a birthday party when I arrived with a cupcake, and he quietly told me: 'Mom, I don't want to eat the cake you brought me; I'll eat it at home.' I initially thought he was embarrassed, but then he added: 'I don't want anyone to be jealous of me.' Only then did I realize I might be doing something right by bringing him the cakes and making him feel special, not out of place. Of course, I solved the problem easily by promising him that from now on I would bring him not just one cupcake but four, and he would share the cakes among the other kids, and indeed everyone fights over those cakes."

But there are also cases where even the greatest creativity doesn't help. "We arrived at an event where there was a production company that brought in a lot of very fancy and appetizing foods. The mother, on the other hand, showed great consideration by checking which ingredients were dangerous for Barry and updating the production company. But they forgot, and that morning I was required to stand in the kitchen and prepare Belgian waffles, pancakes, and whatever I could. I didn't want Barry to feel he was missing out, and I also spoke with the producer to hear what they planned to prepare. Despite all efforts, I couldn't prepare everything, and many of the foods served there Barry couldn't even taste."

The Story of Barry

As time passed, Chen concluded that the only way to raise awareness about the issue was by writing a children's book that would reflect the reality of children who are food allergic. Not from a pitying or victimizing angle, but one that simply highlights the phenomenon.

"In addition to being a chef in the past, I worked for years in a bookstore and also have a bachelor's degree in Hebrew literature," Chen explains, "From my familiarity with children's books, I know that a good book can always provide an answer, and children absorb messages excellently through the pages of a book; they truly identify with the characters and understand what they're going through. Initially, I looked for an existing book, but unfortunately, I couldn't find one. Since the books that had been published until then from a warning perspective: 'Don't touch, it's dangerous,' essentially didn't provide a solution at all.

"I decided that if there was no such book, I would write it. So I took on the task of writing a story about a 'Sunshine Boy' who couldn't eat everything but still found solutions and ideas. Since it was crucial for me that the book be professional, I consulted with teachers and parent guides I knew, and enlisted their help to fine-tune the messages, decide what the kid should say, what the adult should say, and also figure out how to present the message in a way that wouldn't frighten, while still being professional. I also consulted with the Yahel Association because it was important to me that the book not only serve allergic children and their families but reach everyone. Because in my opinion, this is the only way to raise awareness to food allergies, and once awareness is there, the child will no longer feel different or marginalized, which unfortunately happens quite often to older children. My hope is that the message of the book will resonate further and make the situation natural."

To complete the experience, Chen also included with each book a set of games and a recipe for a 'considerate cake' containing no dangerous allergens, as well as an official explanation sheet from the Yahel Association.

What does Barry say about the book written about him?

"He loves it and is very connected to the book. Sometimes he even comes with me to storytelling hours where we narrate the story together. It's undoubtedly his story, and he's very proud to be the hero of it. A hero in every sense of the word."