"I Asked My Mother: 'Are You Praying for Me?' and That Was Our Last Conversation"

Yoel Schwartz was just 16 years old when he learned that his mother, Ahuva Leva Schwartz, was killed in the horrific attack on Jerusalem's bus line 2.

"My mother truly lived up to her name; she was a woman whose entire essence was her heart," Yoel recounts. "She was always full of love and a desire to help others, volunteering regularly for the elderly in Jerusalem and caring for them with devotion. Notably, she was known for tending to her father, of blessed memory, who was ill, consistently bringing him food. Even on days when heavy snow blanketed Jerusalem, my mother didn't give up. She walked from our home on Shmuel HaNavi Street to my grandpa's place near the Mahane Yehuda market, with two umbrellas, trudging through the snow just to bring him food. She was a woman of immense dedication and, as I mentioned, had a giant heart."

"We Couldn’t Accept It"

When recalling the day of the attack, nearly 20 years ago, it is evident that it is difficult for Yoel to talk about. "I am the youngest in the family," he notes, "and at that time I was about to begin studying at the well-known 'Kochav MiYaakov Tchibin' yeshiva among the Hassidic community. A day before the start of the term, my mother felt a special urge to pray at the Western Wall and recite Psalms for my success in yeshiva. I was the last to speak with her on the phone. I called her at eight-thirty in the evening, while she was in the midst of prayer. I asked her: 'So, mom, are you praying for me?' She replied, 'Oh, yes,' as she could not speak much. By five past nine, I had already heard there was an attack, and when I tried calling her again, she didn’t answer."

Personally, Yoel notes that he found out about the attack when he was near his home. "I heard a huge explosion, and a neighbor remarked: 'There must have been a big accident.' I was with a friend, and we immediately recited a chapter of Psalms. Shortly after, we saw a ZAKA volunteer running towards us, shouting: 'There was an attack on line 2!' Neighbors turned on the radio, but news reports didn't yet mention anything. Later, there were reports that the attack was on line 45, as the line numbers had shifted due to the explosion. At that stage, it never crossed my mind that my mother was affected, but since I knew she was in the area, I tried calling her, and she didn't answer. I then returned home, and together with family members, we called every hospital, being transferred from center to center, with each saying she wasn’t there. Someone suggested calling the Jerusalem municipality, so I dialed 106, where they said if she wasn’t in any hospital, then we should prepare ourselves.”

Ahuva Leva Schwartz, may her memory be blessed

Did you already begin to understand at that point?

"Not at all; I couldn't fathom such a thought. Even when they called to ask what color clothing my mother was wearing, and I started to realize something terrible had happened, I still joked with one of my uncles, saying: 'You’ll see, mom will walk in any moment, and everything will be alright.' But very quickly, we understood the situation wasn’t good, and we panicked. I traveled with the family to Abu Kabir, where Prof. Yehuda Hiss awaited us and asked a few questions about the earring my mother wore. Later, we learned that my mother was very close to the terrorist and that as he boarded the bus, she was just stepping down the stairs. There wasn’t much left to identify except for the earring, and our only solace is that she died instantly and did not suffer."

"I Decided to Stand Up and Rise"

The period following the attack was not easy. Yoel stayed at home with his twin sister, while their older siblings were already married and had undergone years of difficulty and struggle. "I was very close and attached to my mother, and I miss her in everything," he shares candidly. "As we talk now, I see the image of my mother with her kind smile in front of me, and it really moves me, I miss her so much."

His voice chokes when he adds: "At that time, I truly felt that the end of the world had arrived, and I went through days of diving into the deepest sorrow and pain possible. But at some point, I realized there was no point in collapsing; it wouldn’t help anyone, especially not myself. I felt the option was to either crash or rise like a hero, and thank Hashem, I had enough strength to lift myself. Today, looking back, I can say it was this very experience that gave me the strength to view life from a more mature perspective, to manage my choices correctly, and to reach different insights about life. It's clear to me that where I am today is only because of the experience I went through. I don’t wish for anyone to undergo such an ordeal, but I am sure Hashem grants special strengths at such times, and He is the one who helped me utilize the strengths I was given."

When Yoel began considering his future career, he initially went into marketing, but quickly felt it wasn’t for him. "I was looking for a profession with heart and soul," he explains, "and it led me to study nursing to become a nurse. I worked in various hospital departments until I reached psychiatry, where I found a tremendous calling."

Why psychiatry specifically?

"My mother used to cite Rabbi Yerucham of Mir: 'There are no small or big deeds, only big or small people. Big people do everything greatly, while small people do everything small.' The idea is to take everything you do in life with greatness. When I felt connected to psychiatry, I realized I could make it something significant, put thought into it, and turn it into a tremendous mission."

Yoel also notes, "As is known, until recent years when there was some awakening in the field, mental health was considered the backyard of the Ministry of Health. There was a lot of shame and stigma surrounding it, and it pained me greatly. From my personal acquaintance with the subject, mental challenges affect even the best families; there is no connection to intelligence level or sector, it can happen to anyone.

Activity in one of the psychiatric departments

"In particular, I noticed that religious individuals struggling with mental health issues find it difficult because psychiatric hospitals don't always meet their needs. I had the opportunity to work in several such hospitals, and in all of them, until I came, there were no regular minyan prayers, and even if holidays were marked, it was never truly in a way that met the needs of someone who observes the commandments and wants to celebrate the holiday properly.

"Since I began working as a nurse in psychiatric departments, I've seen it as a great mission to provide patients with matzah for Pesach and delve into the nuances of: 'Do you prefer machine or hand matzah? How many kezayit do you need?' The same for the High Holidays, ensuring there is a minyan with a cantor and organized prayers, so they can pray, and in every other matter. There is no reason that, on top of their challenges, they should also have to be distant from observing tradition."

In Memory of Mother

"One day, I experienced an especially moving case," Yoel shares. "Doctors approached me, telling me they didn’t know what to do with a Hassidic man hospitalized in the department who needed to take medicine first thing in the morning with a meal but was avoiding breakfast. 'You’re Haredi,' they said to me, 'maybe you can have an influence.' That very day, I went to the man and asked him in Yiddish what was going on, and he replied, 'One must not eat before prayer in the morning.' At that moment, I contacted a rabbi from his Hassidic sect, who spoke with him and explained that the Rebbe had instructed that in certain situations, eating before prayer is a mitzvah; from that moment, everything was resolved. Incidentally, I discovered over time that even non-religious individuals connect very much to tradition, and in such places, they sometimes seek the opportunity to experience it. I am very happy to be part of this matter."

Sweet packages Yoel distributes to the patients

In the past year, Yoel decided, in addition to his work in nursing, to establish the 'Ahuvat Nefesh' organization, named after his mother, Ahuva Leva. "I visit most psychiatric hospitals with volunteers, entering the various departments intending to cheer them up, conduct activities, and provide everything the patients need," he says. "For example, in the past year, we distributed sufganiyot for Chanukah, brought fruit trays for Tu Bishvat, celebrated Purim with singers who lit up the departments, and now, ahead of Passover, we ensure everything needed is available. I also have many plans regarding summer activities, and I intend to expand the activities and support the patients' families in the future.

Gift packages Yoel distributes to the patients

"I truly feel," he adds emotionally, "that in all these activities, my mother is pushing me from behind. She may not be here, but it's clear to me that everything is under her influence and thanks to her. She always saw the heart, the inner self, and the soul of each person; it's only natural to continue working in the same field in memory of her soul."