Honoring Parents and Beyond (Part 2)

When honoring parents involves financial expenses, our Sages had a discussion about who should cover the costs. Rav Yehuda taught that a child must pay from their own money, while Rav Nathan bar Oshaya said that parents should be honored using their own funds — with the child's main role being to physically help, like bringing food and drink. The final ruling follows Rav Nathan: expenses come from the parents’ money.
However, if parents don't have the means and the child does, the child is responsible for supporting them according to what they can afford. In fact, taking care of parents comes before helping any other poor people — even before helping one’s own adult children. While we usually don't force people to give charity, when it comes to parents, we do encourage and even compel children to fulfill this mitzvah.

When It Comes to Adoptive Parents
Someone who raises an orphan in their home is considered as if they gave birth to them — such a beautiful act! However, while the child owes them gratitude and respect, the full obligation of honoring them like biological parents doesn’t apply in the same way.

Honoring a Wicked Parent
What if a parent has acted wickedly? Some say that the child is not obligated to honor them. Others teach that the mitzvah still stands — we continue to honor and fear them, unless the parent hasn't repented after serious offenses like cursing or striking. Some explain that we honor them because people might not know about the parent's actions, or because the parent may have silently repented in their heart. But if a parent openly rejects Torah and acts to rebel against it, there is no longer an obligation to honor them.

Respecting Other Family Members
Honoring close family members goes beyond parents too. Here’s a warm guide to who else we show respect to:

Older Brother
One must honor an older brother — whether from the same father or mother — and this respect continues even after parents pass away (though some say it's only during their lifetime). If the older brother is wicked, the obligation doesn't apply. Even if the younger sibling is a Torah scholar and greater in wisdom, they still owe honor to their elder brother.

Grandparents
Honoring a grandfather (and according to many, a grandmother too) is a Torah obligation. Some hold that if a father passes away, the duty to honor the grandfather also ends, but others say the obligation continues no matter what.

Uncles
The Torah also teaches to honor both father's and mother's brothers — through words and actions. After the parents’ passing, this honor might only be rabbinic according to some opinions, and others question whether it applies at all.

In-laws
Honoring one's father-in-law and mother-in-law is part of Jewish tradition too. We see this in the Torah itself, when David respectfully called Saul "my father" and Moses warmly welcomed Jethro, his father-in-law. Some say this is a Torah obligation, others say it's rabbinic. Either way, it's important to treat in-laws with honor, especially as respected elders, even if not exactly as we honor our own parents.