"Left Without a Husband, With Six Young Children, and Great Faith in My Heart"

Nothing in Anat Nagar's life, a mother of six, grandmother, sister, and personal coach, is taken for granted. Not her work, not her being an Orthodox woman, and especially not the great joy she radiates around her wherever she goes.

Anat was born in Moshav Tzalafon near Jerusalem. In the 1970s, as a child, she saw around her the second generation of Yemeni immigrants, many of whom did not continue to adhere to their parents' traditions and abandoned religious observance. "The atmosphere in the moshav was quite permissive," she describes, "It felt as though Judaism belonged only to our grandparents, and almost every child around me joined the army and continued to various places that were very far from Judaism. I could have easily deteriorated along with everyone else, but I don't know why — back then Hashem already watched over me, and I just had an internal pull towards Judaism. When my friends would go out to clubs and parties, I would travel to Bnei Brak, wander down Rabbi Akiva Street, marvel at the holiness there, and connect to it. Today, when I accompany not a few mothers whose children are straying from the way, I advise them: 'Just show them the good, the beauty of a life of Torah, let them feel it is worthwhile to observe mitzvot because they only stand to gain from it. Torah is not just a list of obligations, but it has so many beautiful and good things.'"

Alone in the World

At the next stage, Anat chose to specialize in nursing and even began working at Shaare Zedek Hospital. At the same time, she married her husband who came from a religious family. "We tried to strengthen ourselves together," she describes, "At that stage, we were both undefined, living in central Jerusalem at the time, unsure of our direction. We wanted to be part of the Haredi world but felt very distant from it, even fearing it."

When their eldest son was three, Anat and her husband sought a suitable educational framework for him. "I personally really wanted to send him to Talmud Torah, but I didn't even voice that desire. I knew that neither of us was from a classic Haredi family, so why would they accept our son to cheder? But then there was a remarkable stroke of divine assistance when our rabbi connected us to a well-known Talmud Torah in the Ramot D neighborhood, and to our surprise, we were accepted. This led to us moving to that neighborhood, and in no time we connected with the community and became a true and inseparable part of it and the Haredi world."

The following years are remembered by her as the best in her life. "My husband was a career officer in the IDF, and I worked as a nurse in the hematology department at Shaare Zedek. We had five more children, and overall, we had a calm and peaceful life. I couldn't wish for anything better."

Then, like in the darkest stories, one day when her husband came home, Anat noticed something seemed off. "To this day, I don’t know exactly what raised my suspicion. My husband laughed at me because he was feeling great at the time and was even stronger than many others his age. But I insisted, as a nurse who had encountered very troubling cases, something in my heart signaled me that it was serious, and I simply begged him to get checked."

But even she hadn't imagined that the findings would be so severe. "My husband underwent tests and within less than two weeks, we were informed that he had a malignant tumor," she recounts. At that moment, life turned upside down. "My husband was hospitalized at Shaare Zedek, where I worked, and he underwent a challenging series of treatments over about four months, then he went into surgery that was supposed to improve his condition. Unfortunately, he didn’t recover from it."

So, at the age of 40, just four months after the disease was diagnosed, Anat was left without her husband, with six children, the youngest of whom was 7, clearly understanding that her life would never return to what they used to be.

(Photo: shutterstock)

"Hashem Gave Me Special Strength"

Along with her husband's passing, Anat also experienced a kind of grappling with faith. "I've always believed in the Creator of the World," she emphasizes, "but it was always a faith from a place of gratitude and joy, as I truly had a wonderful life, and I felt how much I needed to give thanks. After my husband passed away, I suddenly began to understand that part of my mission as a Jewish woman is to learn to look inside myself and thank even for the hard things, for the trials, and for the terrible pain that pierces me all day because everything is from the Master of the World, and only he knows what is good for us."

During those days, she decided to leave her job at Shaare Zedek Hospital. "It was hard for me to keep going to the place where my husband was treated and died," she explains, "and it was also hard for me to continue meeting patients and families experiencing so much sorrow and pain. I was looking for another mission, which actually connected with the field of personal coaching, something I had started learning a few years earlier. Until then, I was involved in it on the side, but since my husband passed, it became the central focus of my life."

Anat also emphasizes that it was the fact that women came to her for coaching and strengthening their personalities that strengthened her during those days. "I felt all eyes were on me, and my clients wanted to see in real time how I managed to cope. I realized that this was the moment when I could help them more than ever, because it's the most tangible lesson that could be. Of course, it was never easy. There's nothing more painful than learning with your sons because their father is no longer there to do it, or hosting a Shabbat table alone, or later on – leading them to the chuppah without your husband, the person closest to you, being part of the emotional event."

"In addition, there was also the daily technical struggle because managing a home with six kids is a highly complex task. When I look back on my coping during those years, I am absolutely certain that Hashem gave me special strength to succeed and endure."

"True Success is Enjoying the Journey"

The personal coaching that became a central part of her life accompanies her to this day, along with the Torah lessons she regularly gives. "Today I know that a positive outlook is the basis for all our struggles in this world," Anat clarifies, "This is also the motto with which I accompany women. I explain to them that we all have the best reasons to blame everyone around us and sink into despair, because ultimately, none of us has it easy, and we all face trials. But what good will it do to behave that way? It won't lead us anywhere. That's why I developed a specific coaching method: 'The past is gone, the future is unknown, and the present is still here.' Just try to see what still exists, and rejoice in what we have."

"I currently give quite a few lectures and workshops on success and empowerment," Anat adds, "My keywords are 'change' and 'success'." With her rich medical background, Anat knows how to explain to the women she guides that just as in the medical world our DNA is concentrated in the bone marrow, and when you want to know from which genetic disease the patient suffers, they take the bone marrow and examine it, so too our spiritual component lies within the bones, and when we want to empower ourselves, we must look inside our essence – into the inner self. It is known that when Hashem created Adam and Eve, he used the phrase 'woman – bone of my bones.' This teaches us that the subject of female empowerment that so many talk about is not expressed in the ability 'to puff ourselves up,' but in the ability to return to that divine core element. In Chassidut, they speak a lot about our divine soul, because that's what a person is examined by. Our entire life is a long process of training, growth, and empowerment."

Who mainly are the women that come to be coached by you?

"Women of all types come to me, among them many single women, some of whom, thank God, have had the privilege to get engaged and establish homes after undergoing an extended process. There are also elderly women who come for coaching, and some who arrive with various crises or marital processes. The people of Israel go through a lot of struggles, and I feel privileged to be a good emissary and help women along the way."

As part of the guidance you provide, do you also share your personal story with the women?

"Sometimes I do share, mainly when I want to illustrate to them how small our capabilities are compared to the powers of the Master of the World. After all, my husband died at 45, without any pre-existing health conditions, without signs or symptoms, simply because that's what Hashem wanted. I emphasize to them that Hashem's will is stronger than any personal desire of ours, and yet, he is the one who grants strength, and therefore we have no one to rely on, but only on him. But there are also cases where I feel it's not right to add sorrow to the trainees, and then I don't share my story. Sharing only happens when I am sure it can help."

In conclusion, Anat emphasizes that the word she repeats most during the training sessions is "succeed". "The word 'succeed' is derived from the root צ.ל.ח (ts.l.ch)," she emphasizes, "This root also serves us for words expressing the ability to navigate the way to the destination. Sometimes women feel that if they tried and didn't succeed, it wasn’t worth it, but I always stress to them that success is not influenced by the outcome. The very fact that we tried and even enjoyed the journey, that is already the success, regardless of the result."