Michal Asulin: "Hodaya was killed for Kiddush Hashem, this strengthens us"

"Hodaya was 14 and a half, an innocent girl who never harmed a fly. She finished her studies at the ulpana and simply wanted to return home," describes Michal Asulin, mother of Hodaya Nechama Asulin, about the day of the attack in which her daughter was murdered, over ten years ago.

It happened two days after the Purim holiday. The terrorist Hossam Ali Hassan al-Kawasme placed a bag with an explosive device near a public phone at the station near the Binyanei HaUma. The device exploded, causing the death of a British tourist and injuring 68 civilians. Hodaya was among the injured and later it was found that she was the most critically injured among them all. For about seven years she was unconscious, part of that time hospitalized in various hospitals, and part of that time staying at her parents' home in Mevo Horon, where her family dedicated themselves to her around the clock, doing everything possible to give her warmth, love, and a real feeling of home.

When Hodaya was 21, her condition worsened and after a period of decline, she returned her soul to its Maker. "Hodaya was killed for Kiddush Hashem," Michal explains, "and honestly, that is the only thing that comforts me – it's not that she died a mysterious or dubious death, rather she was harmed solely because she was Jewish, that was the only reason."

Choosing Life

It's not easy for Michal to have our conversation precisely on Memorial Day. "It is a difficult day for us," she explains, "but like many bereaved families, it is not the only day of remembrance we experience throughout the year. As parents, we feel that every event related to our daughter is a kind of memorial day, including good days and Friday nights. However, the official Memorial Day inevitably places us in front of the memories and pain. There is no escaping it, that is the feeling.

"On the other hand," she adds, "Memorial Day also gives us a chance to see all the solidarity, warmth, and love from the people of Israel, which are things that so comfort and encourage us. Personally, it moves me anew each year to see how on Memorial Day everyone wants to hear about the fallen, even if they were killed 30 or 40 years ago. Everyone wants to share in the family's pain.

"This is expressed even in small things. This morning, for instance, I woke up and when I looked at my mobile device, I saw my daughter's name in a long line of statuses that people chose to post, telling her story, showing that they care and think about us. That moved me very much."

Do you think it is easier to cope with what happened because you are believers?

"Certainly, there is no doubt that the faith strengthens us and keeps us sane. I recently encountered a beautiful concept in a class given in the memory of the fallen. It was discussed how Memorial Day sometimes seems like a day in which we can seemingly bring our loved ones back to life, but clearly, that's not true. The only thing we can do is continue their light. There is a well-known phrase: 'In their death they commanded us life,' and I think that's exactly where our role is expressed. In every program or broadcast we hear on this day, there are families who describe the fallen family member, all speaking of a special joy for life, kindness, and how he could have been an example to many others. Our role is to take that unique light into our lives and choose the continuity of life."

How can this be done in practice? How do you rise up and return to life after such a tragedy?

Michal claims that one who helped them in this was the organization 'One Family', which supports families affected by terror. "I met Mindy Levinger, one of the most active members of the organization, on that first night in intensive care, right after the terrorist attack. It was a very difficult night, and the doctors told us that Hodaya might not survive it. Suddenly Mindy appeared, introduced herself, and asked what she can do for us. Out of pain, I replied to her: 'Can you give me back my child? I want nothing else.' Mindy was amazing; she just hugged me, and that was it, but since that day our connection never ceased. Only after Hodaya Nechama passed away did I realize how much we needed that connection, especially for the children. Because initially, the children outwardly seemed as if everything was fine. It was clear that they had gone through a challenging period, but at first, they showed almost full adaptation. Slowly, we began noticing side effects and coping. At this stage, we relied heavily on 'One Family', and I soon discovered that a child doesn’t necessarily need to sit in front of a psychologist and talk about a lost family member. Sometimes it’s enough to let them jump in streams of water or participate in hikes, with workshops in between to process the pain or give it expression, and that’s exactly what the organization does."

And what do you as parents explain to the children about what happened?

"Before we explain to the children, we first try to explain it to ourselves, and it's not always easy because there is no clear explanation here. The only thing that consoles us is the knowledge that we are all led by the compassionate hands of Hashem, He is the one who manages the world and chose to have us go through what we did. Also knowing that Hodaya was killed for Kiddush Hashem strengthens us very much. There's no doubt it's a great merit."

A Child of the People of Israel

Michal pauses for a moment, takes a deep breath, and recollects the end of the first Shabbat following the attack. "Hodaya was lying in intensive care then, and a great rabbi told me, 'Michal, you conceived and gave birth to the child, but she is not your private child, she is a child of the entire nation of Israel.' At that time, I did not understand what he meant – after all, she is my child whom I raised, how can she become a soul of the entire nation of Israel? But over the years, when I saw how she touched the hearts of so many people, and there were many who came and wanted to give their heart and soul as much as possible, I began to understand his words.

"Because it was simply amazing - throughout the period that Hodaya was severely injured, the entire nation of Israel mobilized, no matter where they were in the country or world, to pray for 'Hodaya Nechama bat Michal' – a child they never met, and I know many continued to whisper her name in prayer long after she passed away. So many challah separations were done for her, including a global challah separation event with countless women participating. I remember that on one of her birthdays, her friends decided to distribute candies in various places in Jerusalem, and people from all walks of the Israeli spectrum – both secular and Chassidim from Mea Shearim stopped and blessed 'Shehakol nihyeh bidvaro' (everything came into being by His word), with the faith that everything happens by the Almighty's command. They prayed and shed a tear, all for her.

"Many times during that period, I paused and tried to understand – what is happening here? Because before our eyes, grand things were unfolding. My answer is that we don't truly understand what Hashem wanted to say to us and why what happened, happened, but it's clear that there was a purpose here to gather many prayers. Hashem undoubtedly uses the many prayers that were made during that time to advance the complete redemption and the salvation of Israel.

"One day," Michal continues, "a certain rebbetzin approached me and said something that touched my heart so deeply: 'Mashiach is drawing near, and to bring redemption, many prayers are needed. It is hard to gather people to pray for Mashiach, so Hashem sent an unconscious child to awaken us and be a part of us. Thus there are prayers for her, but in the larger scope, these are certainly prayers for the redemption and salvation of the people of Israel."

"Not once during this period did I stop and try to understand – what is happening here? Grand things are unfolding before our eyes. My answer is that we don't truly understand what Hashem wants to tell us and why this happened, but it's clear there was a purpose here to gather many prayers. Hashem surely uses the vast amount of prayers during that period to advance the complete redemption and salvation of Israel.

"One day," Michal continues, "a certain rebbetzin approached me and said something that touched my heart so deeply: 'The Mashiach is drawing near, and to bring redemption, many prayers are needed. It is hard to gather people to pray for the Mashiach, so Hashem sent an unconscious child to awaken us and be part of us. Thus there are prayers for her, but overall it is undoubtedly prayers for the redemption and salvation of Israel."

"Learning from My Daughter"

"Personally," continues Michal, "when I go to the cemetery each year, I glance out of the corner of my eye at the words we chose to inscribe on Hodaya Nechama's tombstone, and I say to myself: 'This is my daughter, but instead of a mother teaching her daughter how to behave in life, I am the one learning from her for life."

And she elaborates: "I try to take from her the devotion to life, the joy that burst out of her in every situation, and the special kindness she possessed, without thinking about what she would receive in return or why she should even be happy. I admit that I'm not always able to implement these things fully. It requires work on one's character, but I feel it is my responsibility because in the end, Hodaya did not leave any tangible legacy - we have no children or grandchildren born from her, but she left behind a spiritual legacy, thanks to her traits and the simplicity of a 14 and a half-year-old girl.

"Even from the seven years when she was injured, I can take important things for life. I strive to learn from her how, despite the pain, she fought for every breath, how she clung with her very being and did not give up. Even in the last days, when she was already in intensive care, the doctors called me and said, 'This is the end, say your goodbyes.' But I asked them: 'What are you talking about? Hodaya is moving her eyes, she is looking at me, she hears me and responds to my caress and kiss. How can you say she is not with us?'"

Is there anything you'd like us to take upon ourselves in memory of Hodaya Nechama?

"It is known that the main thing we need in this world is kindness, and sometimes Hashem places people in situations of illness or lack, to increase kindness in the world. Our Hodaya Nechama had a lot of kindness. Not just physical, but also spiritual, like being attentive to a friend and a smile for someone who needed it. One of her friends told us that on the day of the attack she said to her, 'Hodaya, I'm so hungry,' and without thinking much, Hodaya took a few coins from her purse and bought her a chocolate bar. Without expecting anything in return or anyone to see. That is what characterized her. I think if people take upon themselves, particularly on a day like this, to increase kindness in the world, pay attention to people who are usually invisible, or do something good with someone, it will surely elevate their souls and in memory of all the fallen and for the salvation of the entire people of Israel."