Playback Actress: "Suddenly Mom Appeared with a Headscarf, I Was in Shock"

"Have you ever thought about what a young girl goes through when her family becomes religious?" Sagit Ben David challenges me with an unexpected question. Sagit, 44, a mother of ten, lives in Beitar Illit, and it's clear that this topic deeply concerns her.

"It's not just that I've accompanied many girls in such situations and lectured before them; this is simply the story I've experienced myself. I went through it 22 years ago, and the girls I meet today face even more complex situations. Their parents or one of them becomes religious, their younger siblings naturally join the parents, while they find themselves in a vague place—not old enough to act as they wish and not young enough to do whatever their parents say. It’s a place with many doubts and inner turmoil that is added to the stormy soul of adolescence."

On the Border of Bnei Brak

Sagit’s story begins on the Ramat Gan-Bnei Brak border. "As a child, we lived at the edge of Ramat Gan; we only had to cross the street to enter Birnbaum Street and experience the Haredi community up close. My parents, for convenience, sent my brother and me to a Haredi kindergarten, which was right next to our street. So already at the age of three, I was participating in Shabbat reception, praying with friends, and showing great interest in Jewish-related topics, even though our family was very lukewarm religiously."

She has an unforgettable memory of those days: "I remember myself as a little girl helping my mom clean the house and set the table for Shabbat. Then, after my mom lit the candles, I heard noise from my parents' room. I sneaked in quietly with my brother and saw the television on with a Shabbat timer, and my parents arguing whether it was permissible to turn it off. I think this example illustrates the kind of household we lived in, although I have to note it was a rare case."

"Later on," Sagit adds, "my parents sent me to national-religious schools, and again I encountered questions that bothered me, which I also directed at my mom: 'Why does the kindergarten teacher wear a head covering and you don't? Why does the teacher have a skirt and you have pants?'"

Did it bother you?

"Definitely. I was constantly comparing and checking why my teachers and kindergarten teachers looked different than my mom. My parents always joked that I was 'the family’s righteous one.'"

When Sagit was in seventh grade, there was a transformation. "My aunt went to a seminar for closeness to religion and returned with a headscarf. From that moment, she pressured my parents relentlessly, trying to get them to attend such a seminar as well. Eventually, she succeeded. My parents went to the seminar and took me with them. It was exactly at the time when I was deep into adolescence and felt like I ruled the world. I remember the days we spent at the seminar; my mom attended lectures, and I insisted I didn’t want to listen to the rabbis, and then one day, my mom appeared in the dining room with a headscarf! My older brother and I burst into laughter, claiming she 'looked worse than grandma.' That moment began a crisis. After years of being considered the 'righteous one,' I started distancing myself and doing everything out of spite. I didn’t like that mom was getting more religious, so I went in the opposite direction. I was already attached to all the beautiful, immodest clothes and didn’t want to part with them. I didn’t understand what was happening to my parents, why so many things that were once permissible were suddenly forbidden. Those were very confusing days, and I think it’s a feeling common among many girls whose families become religious."

Sagit points out that she's intentionally talking about girls and not boys because while boys don’t face the external issue as much, for girls, it manifests in clothing. "If your family becomes religious, and you remain in pants, you're essentially declaring that you behave differently, and it categorizes you."

"Tired of Being Between Worlds"

Throughout high school, Sagit remembers herself fluctuating between adhering to religious rules and the relationship with her mom who became ultra-Orthodox, and the desire to act as she wished. "There was also something else that occupied me during those years—the desire to become an actress. Unfortunately, there were no religious or ultra-Orthodox places where you could specialize in that area, and since mom didn’t allow me to study in secular establishments, I was frustrated about the subject. Eventually, I enrolled in a well-known acting school, which didn’t please mom."

When Sagit was 17, she went on pre-military service in one of the kibbutzim farthest from Judaism. "Mom had a hard time accepting the reality that her daughter was in such a place, but I didn’t give up. It was a kind of rebellion. Years later, mom told me she never stopped praying for me, and one day she even went to a great rabbi who assured her: 'Don't worry, she will return and bring others back.' Mom was so emotional; it’s lucky dad was with her to support her."

Sagit recounts her service in the kibbutz: "There were almost no believers there, even on Yom Kippur many didn’t fast. But just there, I began to feel the seeds of Judaism sprouting in me. Suddenly I looked around and questions began to bother me: 'How is it possible that they don’t believe? How do they publicly desecrate Shabbat and eat chametz on Passover?' I would cry day and night, feeling disconnected from the place. I spent my free time mainly reading psychology books. In one book, I read about a person who realized he only had six months to live, and he concluded that he wanted to make the best use of those six months. I took it in a different direction. I asked myself: 'If you had only six months to live, would you stay in this place, or go search for answers?' The answer was clear to me, and I quickly made a decision. The very next day, I packed a suitcase and returned home. It was clear to me that I was tired of being between worlds. I want to finally understand what my purpose is."

Shabbat Alone in the Hotel

Sagit’s return to religion process actually began the day she returned home, but it was slow and gradual. "Since my mom loved listening to Torah lectures and would play them at high volume, I got to hear them along with her," she recounts. "One thing I heard that especially strengthened me was from one of the rabbinical women, who mentioned that to get closer to Hashem, you don’t need to do something huge; it’s enough to open a crack as small as the tip of a needle. That spoke to me a lot. I decided to choose something small—I would begin to observe Shabbat. "But just a bit," she emphasizes, "I decided not to turn on the light on Shabbat or ignite fire, but beyond that, I didn’t really observe it. I also had an interesting habit—to read Shir HaShirim every Friday night. It’s not that I understood much, but I read word for word."

At that stage, she deferred her military service. "I saw an advertisement from Club-Hotel, stating they were looking for actors, and I decided to apply. I was the first to be accepted. I don’t know if I was actually talented, or it was the evil inclination trying to confuse me. Either way, I soon found myself with a group of actors and actresses, arriving at the hotel and hearing with great excitement that we were about to live together in the hotel, like a family, and perform at all events. At the end of the introductory speech, the organizer asked if anyone wanted to share something special about themselves. I raised my hand and announced: 'I wanted to share that I’m returning to religion.' Everyone burst into laughter, because the last thing I looked like at that time was someone returning to religion, but I insisted, saying: 'Yes, I observe Shabbat.' At that moment, the manager became serious and informed me: 'You’ll have a problem working with us since most work is on Shabbat.' I wasn’t intimidated and told him I indeed won’t work on Shabbat, but I’m okay performing without desecrating the Shabbat."

And that’s indeed what happened?

"Yes, it was very important to me to perform, so I continued to do so even on Shabbat, but I invested enormous energies to avoid situations where I had to press the tape player’s on button. Every Shabbat, I would go up and down the stairs from the tenth floor, where my room was, to the performance floor. Then I would remember I forgot something in my room, and I’d have to go back up again. I felt like I was really sacrificing for keeping Shabbat. Only Hashem was privy to the difficulties and how I did everything to hold onto my decision."

Then the turning point occurred. "One day, the organizer announced that we were going the upcoming Shabbat for a peak day of performances—at Hamat Gader. I told my friends I wouldn't be attending that performance because I wasn’t going to travel on Shabbat. They warned me: 'You’ll get fired,' but I was adamant. I stayed in the hotel alone that Shabbat, in a small room, even the Arab housekeepers had gone to Hamat Gader. I felt so alone, and then, just after lighting candles, I discovered 'Shir HaShirim' in my bag. I took it out and started reading with excitement. Suddenly I noticed tears streaming down my face. I didn’t know why I was crying; there was no one around me, and then I understood—I was crying to Hashem. It was a moment of light and holiness; I felt that Hashem was coming down and being with me. A week later, they told me I was fired, but I didn’t regret it for a moment. In fact, I organized a farewell party and felt a great joy. In my heart, I knew I didn’t want to continue in that job, and the best thing for me was to return home with new insights."

Living the Dream

Sagit emphasizes the return process continued progressively, happening stage by stage. "At first, I understood what I hadn’t known before—keeping Shabbat isn’t just about not pressing a switch or not driving, but much more. I began keeping Shabbat properly and also attended lectures and classes by rabbinical women. Hashem continued guiding me, and after a long period of moving from one lecture to another, I studied for a year and a half at Neve Jerusalem and later at Midreshet Sala."

Today, years after the transformation she experienced, she returns to those places, only in her other capacity—as a lecturer and actress. "I perform for women and girls in confusing times of their lives," she emphasizes. "Sometimes there are girls who come to consult with me privately, and I make a great effort to show them Judaism's beauty in a way corresponding to their age. I think that in the large process where whole families draw closer to religion, these girls, at such a critical age, are sometimes forgotten. In my performances, one of which is intended exactly for such girls and is called 'Between the Chairs,' I share my personal story. Additionally, I also conduct playback shows for women and girls, where one can share what's on their heart. I very much enjoy making the audience laugh, but I mainly love to touch and strengthen them."

Would you say you ultimately fulfilled your dream of becoming an actress...

"I fulfilled my acting dream, but with sanctity and purity," Sagit emphasizes. "I also fulfilled the dream of returning home, to my parents, and the dream of getting closer to Hashem. Now I continue to dream of getting even closer because the return process never truly ends."

Contact Sagit: Sagiti1234bd@gmail.com