"I Have No Secret, Only Divine Assistance"; The Matchmaker of Hundreds of Russian Couples Revealed

Decades of involvement in matchmaking taught Rebbetzin Rivka Gadlewitz how to play the role of the interviewer. She regularly converses with young men and women to learn about their lives and aspirations. Then, she attempts to match them with what she believes is the most suitable proposal, often seeing the blessing of Hashem in her efforts.

Perhaps this is why she feels a bit strange when I ask her to be the interviewee this time—sharing about her life and the incredible achievement of leading hundreds of couples, most from Russia, back to religious life.

"My personal story is similar to that of many Russian immigrants," she says. "As a child, I grew up in Russia, and in the '90s, when I was already married with three children, I moved to Israel, like a million other immigrants who came during that time."

Unlike other immigrants, she constantly saw the mission of caring for Russian girls who came to Israel, sometimes without family members. For years, she worked as a teacher at the 'Beit Ulpana' boarding school for Russian girls, becoming a housemother and later the director.

"We Always Had Questions"

"As a child, I always knew about my Jewish identity," shares Rebbetzin Gadlewitz. "However, my home did not observe mitzvot. It was impossible and frowned upon in Moscow at the time. As a teenager, I enrolled in university to study Russian language instruction, where I also met my husband — Rabbi Levi, who studied the same subject as me."

Looking back, she remarks that perhaps the match between her and her husband led her to pursue matchmaking. "It was a match made in heaven, as they say, since both of us lived in Moscow then, studied the same profession at the same university, and were both Jewish. Later, we even discovered we were born at the same time in the same hospital."

Rebbetzin recalls coming home as a student and her mother asking, "Why don't you seriously think about marriage?" "My reaction was always: 'Mom, there's only one guy smarter than me, but he's tall and not suitable for me.' Of course, that was my husband, who is still smarter and taller than me, but as you can see, we bridged the gaps."

They married and had three children, which was considered a large family by Russian standards, and worked in teaching literature in Russian. About ten years after their marriage, the Iron Curtain fell, introducing literature in many languages and religions into Russia, leading them to re-embrace Judaism and take the initial steps in returning to their roots. "We always had questions, and once we found the answers, there was no doubt about their truth," she explains. "We began observing Shabbat and completed the Pidyon HaBen ceremony for our eldest son, which we did not celebrate at the time because we simply didn't know it was required."

Rebbetzin and her husband

"Only Divine Assistance, No Other Explanation"

They arrived in Israel as observant Jews. Their children entered immediately into religious schools, Rabbi Gadlewitz became responsible for the Russian department at Aish HaTorah Yeshiva, and his wife began working at the Beit Ulpana. She held this role for 27 years, until the previous year.

"My whole life was at the girls' educational institution; it is a part of me," she recounts. "But alongside the educational work, I quickly discovered I must become a matchmaker, as it was the need of the hour. Some of the girls who studied with us were students aged 18 to 35. They strengthened significantly during their studies and wanted to establish Torah homes with religious husbands. Their situation was very sensitive, and I had to find suitable matches for them."

Rebbetzin shares with excitement that during some years, all the girls in certain grade levels returned to religious observance, despite entering the boarding school with little to no knowledge about Judaism. "The amazing thing is that I was blessed, with incredible divine assistance, to marry them to yeshiva boys," she says. "When I talk about it, I don't stop getting emotional, because those who know the Russian background understand how uncommon and non-obvious it is."

How did you really do it?

"Divine assistance," she replies in two words. "I genuinely have no other explanation."

An example of that divine assistance is evident from her first match: "We were living in the Ramat neighborhood, in an old apartment that constantly suffered from dampness and leaks. At some point, we felt we couldn't stay there any longer, so we decided to move for five months to another building until the problem was fixed. This way, we found ourselves in a temporary apartment in Ramat D, and discovered that a nice Russian family lived opposite us—elderly parents with three grown children around age 20 and three younger ones born in the land.

"Over time, we got to know them and found they lived in a city 12 hours' drive from Moscow. The more we talked with them, we realized how special the family was, and then the idea was born—to suggest their son to one of the girls from the boarding school. Thank God, the match happened, and the couple has been married for decades, with a blessed family of children and grandchildren. We returned to our old apartment after the leak was fixed, and to this day, I am overwhelmed with emotion at how Hashem guided this match, which couldn't have happened any other way."

In the early years after immigration, new immigrants faced economic hardships. How is it possible to marry off in such a situation?

"I can answer with one response—when we arrived in Israel, we met our cousin, who had many daughters without bad luck, and he waited a long time to find matches for them. I asked him how he would marry them all, and his answer was—'I don’t know how to say, but every match is a miracle, and I believe it will happen.' Thank God, today all his daughters are married, and I realized over time how each match is indeed a miracle. If Hashem wills it, it simply happens, and I see it up close repeatedly."

Wedding the Rebbetzin Gadlewitz helped facilitate

"Not Only Similar Origins"

Since then, and over the past decades, Rebbetzin Gadlewitz has dedicated all her time to seeking matches for her former students, current students, and also young men and women who are not of Russian origin, who request her help in finding suitable matches.

She shares one particularly moving story: "There was a very special young man for whom I tried to find a match for a long time. I tried and tried, but heaven prevented it from happening. Until one day a girl from Ukraine came to study with us, who was drawn to Judaism and received permission from her parents to visit the country for just two months. After that, they made it clear that she would have to return to Ukraine to pursue a master's degree, as from their perspective, there was no way to give up on her education. I met the girl in the country, and she pleaded for a match. She explained to me that she wanted to establish a kosher Jewish home, and she was clear that if her parents saw she was engaged and about to be married, they would allow her to stay here and use it as a good reason to leave the university.

"During the conversation with the girl, I was impressed that she was someone very special," Rebbetzin clarifies, "and I already planned to suggest her to the young man we were searching for a match for. They met for one date, and the girl returned satisfied, but the boy told me it didn't seem right to him. I asked him to try, for me, and promised him that if he didn’t want to meet again, I wouldn't pressure him anymore. He agreed, and they did meet once more. At the end of that meeting, the boy called me and announced: 'I don't want another meeting.' I understood and wanted to end the call, but then he added: 'I don't want another meeting because I've made up my mind. As far as I’m concerned, we can move on to marriage.' Thus, this remarkable match was made, just one of many matches I've been blessed to make".

Event where Rebbetzin hosted couples she matched

Do you make sure to suggest matches of similar origin?

"Not necessarily," she surprises. "Although, theoretically, one might think that if the mentality is similar, the match is bound to succeed, it is not necessarily the case. Just recently, I had the privilege of matching a Russian young man with an Israeli girl of Yemeni descent. By the way, he is 1.83 meters tall, and she is 1.55. This didn't bother them at all, and they are so happy.

Rebbetzin Gadlewitz maintains close contact with many of the girls she matched, especially those from the early years of the boarding school. "We feel like a family, and today, when they are already marrying off their children, they call me with every proposal they receive to see if I know them and what I think."

"We Rubbed Our Eyes, Overwhelmed with Emotion"

Rebbetzin Gadlewitz doesn't just match young men and women, but also adults, both from Israel and abroad. "During the COVID period, I succeeded with the help of Hashem, in matching nine couples who reached marriage and four others who are currently between engagement and the wedding. This includes younger men, but also middle-aged and even a match where the groom is 60 and the bride is 53".

According to her, matches these days are not simple. "Due to COVID, they can't meet as usual, and unfortunately, they can't marry as usual either. The entire matchmaking process, which is characterized by many questions and dilemmas, becomes much more challenging. But thank God, the good news continues to arrive, and I am delighted each time anew. The fact that I have made dozens of matches at no point diminishes the immense joy I have with each additional match."

She also observes an interesting trend in recent years: "In the past, it was less common in the ultra-Orthodox community to marry Israelis with Russian-origin families. Israelis wanted Israelis and insisted on it. In recent years, I see quite the opposite trend - there are outstanding young men of Russian origin, sons of families who returned to religious life, studying in the top yeshivas of the ultra-Orthodox community and becoming very sought after. They receive excellent proposals. I am truly happy to see it this way because I know the people involved closely and know that everyone benefits from it.

"I am personally very pleased with this trend. Thank God, over the years, my lists have filled with names, and so I have a wide variety from which to match. A friend brings a friend, they call me at all hours of the day, and I see it completely as a great privilege.

"People ask me what my secret is," she adds, "but truly, I have no secret. I simply try to inquire about every boy or girl who turns to me and, of course, also interview them myself to learn more about them. I never rely on rumors or inquiries done by others. For a time, I also served as a matchmaker through the 'Toldot Yeshurun' organization—a large organization founded by Rabbi Yitzchak Zilber, of blessed memory. I managed a program there that dealt with matchmaking and the Jewish family, and thank Hashem, we were able to help establish many homes."

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Rebbetzin does not allow herself to end our call before she shares: "About two years ago, we organized a very large Shabbat with 400 participants, all former students, almost all from my matches. I sat there like a mother delighted by her children and didn’t stop getting emotional—it was young men and women who arrived in Israel alone or with a tiny family, and here they managed to establish blessed generations, with many children, some even with grandchildren. My husband and I stood there and just rubbed our eyes, feeling such a great privilege to be partners in establishing so many homes and didn’t cease to give thanks."