"I Was Thrown From the Car 10 Meters Away, Only Asking, 'What About the Baby?'"
Esty Rubinstein endured three accidents, injuries, and recovery, then faced anxiety that kept her from driving. Seven years after finding a solution, she shares her chilling journey.
- מיכל אריאלי
- פורסם כ"א חשון התשפ"א

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(Photo illustration: shutterstock)
(Photo illustration: shutterstock)
Most of Esty Rubinstein's clients know her as the 'Iron Woman'; the one who expertly divides her day almost acrobatically between tasks as an independent interior designer and construction supervision. For much of her day, she stays in her office, while the rest of the time she's out, sometimes in rain and wind, overseeing a team of workers.
Esty's day is busily packed, yet few are aware that behind her vibrant and ambitious exterior hides someone whose life was saved twenty-four years ago in a very severe car accident.
"You probably want to hear about miraculous occurrences that left me unscathed," she tells me with a smile, "but no. There were indeed miracles, and the very fact that I'm here in the world is an enormous miracle. But unfortunately, I was not left unscathed, and later in life, I went through two more car accidents. I carry the trauma with me, but that's precisely why I agreed to share my story. I believe we must all remember to thank Hashem for the bad just as much as the good because ultimately, everything is for our benefit."
In One Moment, Everything Was Severed
Esty's challenges began shortly after her marriage at age 19 when she discovered her dream of holding her own baby was slipping away. "We waited nearly five years for the birth of our first son," she recalls. "They were years filled with treatments that cost us a fortune, alongside physical, mental, and financial hardships. We decided to do everything to have a child of our own, and after almost five years, we finally received the joyous news and began eagerly counting the days and weeks until the expected birth."
On the eve of Rosh Hashanah, while seven months pregnant with a precious child, Esty traveled with her husband by car. "We were supposed to visit my grandmother," she says, "but during the drive, another car hit us, causing us to veer off course. It was a very severe accident, and I was the most seriously injured. I was thrown ten meters from the car, suffered a concussion and unconsciousness, external and internal injuries, and many fractures."
The first memory she has after the accident was in the hospital, waking up in the trauma room. "I remember the first sentence I mumbled to the doctors was that I was pregnant and they should check on the baby. I'll never forget the moment they showed him on the screen, excitedly showing he had a heartbeat and was moving his arms and legs. Yes, he was alive, though he would undergo tests upon birth to ensure he wasn't harmed."
The days of hospitalization following the accident were just the beginning of a long recovery process that hasn't ended to this day. "Those weren't easy days at all," she recalls. "I was on bed rest due to the complicated situation and could barely do anything, but I continually thanked Hashem. It felt like Hashem, with one hand, threw the car off, but with the other merciful hand, He helped us cross the street and gave us life as a gift. The chilling aspect was that exactly ten days after my accident in the same spot, another accident occurred with fatalities. It highlighted the great danger we were in, or as the garage owner told my husband after seeing our vehicle, 'I don't understand how you survived such a hit.'"
Then, upon being discharged from the hospital, she discovered something alarming. "My father came to pick me up in his car, and when I got into the vehicle, I was overtaken by a panic attack, drenched in cold sweat, body trembling, with tears and hysterical crying. It turned out that the accident likely caused not only physical but also emotional damage. I felt incapable of traveling in a car and insisted on returning home using public transportation. Thus, pained and casted, I journeyed along. That's How we became aware of the existence of post-trauma, which often manifests in individuals after traumatic injuries.
"Eventually, I reached my parents' home and stayed there for about a month. After that, I was supposed to return to my home in Ashdod, and again I was unable to make the journey by car. I don't remember exactly how it went, but I clearly remember the terrible fear. I constantly felt that if I traveled by car, I might experience another accident and get hurt again."
Several months later, Esty was finally able to hold her firstborn son, earning her the precious title of 'Mom.' "After the birth, when people told me I'd received life as a gift, I showed them the baby's hospital bracelet and said, 'not just a gift, but a gift with a ribbon,'" she recalls.

"I have to admit the first few days after the birth were extremely stressful. We had to subject the baby to a lot of tests to ensure he wasn't harmed. I remember slamming the room door loudly just to see if he'd get frightened and really hear. It wasn't easy, but thank Hashem, we were discharged home safely."
"Another Accident? It's Only a Matter of Time"
As time passed, Esty realized she needed to address her severe fear of riding in a car, but life was demanding. Raising the child while adapting to physical limitations and rehabilitation treatments required a lot from her. She hoped the fear would fade over time, but she didn't foresee what was to come.
"When the child was one year and ten months old, I was crossing the street with him," she recalls, "because one of the symptoms from the injury was the difficulty in turning my neck. I probably didn't look well enough, and a car that came while turning hit us hard."
Esty notes she remembers the moment when she realized the worst was happening and the strong embrace she gave her son to protect him from every direction. "In this accident, I took the heavy blow," she says. "This time the injury was relatively minor and consisted mainly of bruises, but the psychological damage was much worse. I felt I couldn't even look at roads and cars anymore. As if to add insult to injury, shortly after, I found myself involved in a third accident, where I was in a car with my entire family and someone hit us from behind."
"I remember," adds Esty, "after the first accident, every psychologist I met asked why I didn't get into a car immediately after being released from the hospital. The standing question was: 'Are you afraid you might have another accident?' and I replied, 'No, usually a person doesn't get hurt twice.' But suddenly, I realized I've been hit three times, and it feels like I'm exposed like a sitting duck, and the next time will catch me around the bend."
Since that day, nothing has returned to normal. The physical limitations weighed heavily on her, forcing, for example, the abandonment of playing the piano, which had been an inseparable part of her life. Swimming was also out of reach, and even house cleaning and maintenance became impossible.
Nights became filled with nightmares. "Usually, I'd wake up at the edge of a cliff, just before falling into a deep abyss," she describes. "I was a young woman, barely 25, when I sank into a world of fears and phobias. I tried to live a normal life and managed to some extent, yet alongside that, the nightmares never left. I remember being at home with two little kids, taking them to the grocery store for a moment, leaving clothes and diapers on the dresser, and checking there was food in the fridge, so if, heaven forbid, something happens to me, they'll have what they need. Even the closets at home were always neat and tidy, in case I got hurt in an accident, my family would have a neat home waiting for them. I know it's illogical, but in such situations, the brain goes into overdrive, steering us into distant directions with no real control."
"I am completely normal," she emphasizes, "the fears and nightmares I developed didn't prevent me from building a successful interior design career. When I struggled to sit for long periods, I developed the business towards construction supervision and consultation, the fields I'm in today. Perhaps even more so, I think the lack of concentration stemming from my injury, alongside the ability to jump from one thing to another, are the very things that help me in a job that demands so much. It wasn't that the fears struck me every day. Rather, I lived normally until I hit a roadblock where something reminded me of roads and accidents, causing me to suddenly break down in tears and shaking, along with physical symptoms beyond my control."
"I Decided to Get a License"
Seven years after the accidents she had experienced, Esty decided she had to care for her mental health. "With professional advice and understanding this was the only way to help me, I started taking driving lessons for the first time in my life," she reveals. "I discovered that sitting in the driver's seat, supposedly being in control on the road, actually made me feel good and allowed me to feel more at peace. Today, the kids are grown, and there are four drivers in the family, but everyone knows that whenever we travel together, I'm the only one driving. Even on long journeys, even if driving for hours, the wheel stays with me. Since then, thank Hashem, I've been in a calm state with optimistic feelings, it allows me to leave the house and provides a lifeline for me."

Esty pauses to emphasize that what she's experienced doesn't contradict her faith and trust in Hashem. "I'm aware that every bullet has a name, and I know that if, heaven forbid, it's decreed that something happens to me on the road, it would occur no matter the situation. But the fear I developed is not just of the accident itself but also from such a moment as seeing the road in a state of accident. To this day, I cannot allow myself to see accidents, and I'm willing to take detours and extend the route, just to avoid passing by a damaged car."
Esty wishes to close her story with optimism: "Hashem chose to lead me down a challenging path in life, but I'm grateful for every moment of trial. I know that because of the blows I've faced, I'm more resilient, closer to Him, and able to experience His presence every single day."
She also has a message for those in similar situations: "Take care of yourself and address your issues. Nowadays, there are so many good ways to cope, and there's no point in enduring prolonged suffering."
To the drivers on the roads, Esty appeals and requests: "Remember, in one moment of recklessness and distraction, you can abruptly change someone's life. Please, drive carefully, stay alert, and certainly do not touch your mobile phone while driving."