In Just One Year, Sapir Marom Strengthened Her Faith, Got Married, and Healed: "In My Wildest Dreams, I Didn't Imagine It Would Be Like This"

When Sapir Marom (29) celebrated her birthday during the Tishrei holidays of 5780, nothing prepared her for what the year would bring. She began as a freshly observant woman, single, unemployed, and suffering from severe arthritis. This year, Baruch Hashem, she celebrated differently.

She grew up in Moshav Petachya in the lowlands of Israel in a secular household, but she says she was born into a journey of return. "Every stage I went through in my life, even if seemingly far from Hashem, led me to awaken and remember who I am and where I want to return," she explains. "I come from a secular traditional home, my mother was always deeply connected to Hashem, and the language of faith was always present in our home, but without much practice of mitzvot and halachot. Three years ago, a man I was dating introduced me to Rabbi Arik Nave, who teaches the inner dimension of Torah and Chassidut, and the connection was immediate. I eagerly absorbed the lessons, and my thirst for Torah and Hashem increased."

But Sapir went through many challenges along the way. During her military service, she developed an eating disorder and was treated almost daily at a day-care center. "It was a difficult time, but it marked the beginning of my internal self-examination," she explains. "I suffered from an eating disorder for two years, and towards the end of the treatment, I managed to save some money and traveled to India on a spontaneous trip."

In India, Sapir began to seek a spiritual experience, answers to questions like 'What are we doing here?' and 'Why are we here?'. "The automatic response of travelers in India is to seek meaning in Buddhism and Hinduism, in anything but our own roots. Baruch Hashem, I always felt a connection to Judaism, and the search for truth never ceased."

"I Began to Remember Where I Came From"

After returning from India, Sapir began her degree studies in psychology and education, and towards the end of her studies, she met the guy who introduced her to Judaism more deeply. "He was a secular returnee but still very connected to the inner Torah. He introduced me to Chassidut, Rabbi Nachman of Breslov, the inner Torah, and I began to remember where I came from because I hadn’t really been exposed to anything new."

How did you cope with the changes during that period?

"There are no words to describe it. I felt that finally, after so many years, the entire life journey, the search, the confusion, the sense of detachment—suddenly I felt at home, in the place from which I came. The questions only grew in that place, but I felt within a very supportive and protected framework."

When did the process of returning to observance actually begin?

"I think my return began while I was still in my mother’s womb. Every step that I took brought me to who I am today. The process formally began when I started studying with Rabbi Nave. I remember feeling a comfort there that I had never felt before. For two years I attended lessons as a secular person, continually feeling that I wanted to know more. In the weeks of the year 5779, I was still going to parties on holidays, and on my way I listened to a lesson by the Rabbi, who was talking about Matan Torah and the Ten Commandments. He of course spoke about keeping Shabbat, so I decided to observe Shabbat.

"With Shabbat, the path became much clearer. I naturally felt I no longer wanted to dress immodestly, that I wanted to bless over everything that entered my mouth, that I wanted to wash hands, and so forth.

"I know that the journey is long, but the journey is the essence, and the essence is the journey. I walk it with great joy, and I thank Hashem for the privilege to return and wish to return to Him in full repentance and joy."

Faith on a Wheelchair

Despite their separation, Sapir continued to attend lessons in the inner Torah, strengthening her mitzvot observance. "For some, this process could work negatively, which I understand, but for me, it was beneficial. Part of what the mitzvot do is they expand your vessel, so you are strong enough to contain it and pass it onward. If you remain exactly as you are and learn interesting spiritual knowledge, it can lead to breakdown. You draw in light but do nothing in the world of action to channel it forward. I met people who studied and did not want to make changes. Fortunately, my process was very internal, and the Rabbi helped me navigate it carefully, yielding blessed results."

When Sapir started observing Shabbat, she lived in Pardes Hanna and worked as a preschool teacher. "I come from an entirely secular environment, I have no religious friends or relatives who observe, but for me, it was the most natural step," she says. During that period, she began suffering from a health condition that forced her to leave her job and move back with her parents. "I had an infection that caused me arthritis, and for three months it was hard even to walk. During the Tishrei holidays of last year, I was hospitalized and even in a wheelchair for a few days."

After hospitalization and receiving treatments, Sapir began to feel better, and since the Torah dance during Simchat Torah, she no longer felt pain and decided to change her career. "During the time I suffered from the inflammation, I couldn’t stand or use my hands. I was a preschool teacher and after leaving due to my health, I decided not to return to the profession and instead went back to work at the company where I had worked before. I felt we have opportunities to discover godliness everywhere. Sometimes in the helping professions, we feel the need to work in places we define as 'missions,' but our mission is everywhere. I can do acts of kindness and love wherever I am."

Sapir’s health improved, and her employment situation did too, but she still felt socially isolated. "Even though I swam in faith and the presence of Hashem was evident in my life, so I wasn’t truly lonely, yet I still felt alone socially."

A Surprise Wedding

Even in terms of relationships, Sapir was ready to give up. As a freshly observant woman, she knew she didn’t want to have a secular relationship but wasn’t ready for the traditional matchmaking. She met Tamir, her husband, quite by chance, and though he wasn’t a returnee, their connection was immediate.

Did you know at the time what you were looking for in a partner?

"Before Tamir, I met returnees and felt that’s what I wanted, someone on the same page as me with my customs and traditions. That’s what guided me. Tamir seemed far from that. I thought he was entirely secular, but the connection felt right. I decided to go with my heart and not be fixated on what should be because we really shared the same conversation, the language was the same. When we got to know each other deeply, I found out he puts on tefillin, and shortly after we met he started keeping Shabbat. Today, Baruch Hashem, he wears a kippah and tzitzit, I was probably just there to uncover his inner Jewish point that always existed."

Sapir and Tamir Marom

Tamir knew from the first day that Sapir was the one for him, but he waited three months to propose. Three months later, they had a corona wedding in her parents' backyard. "We were sure that everything would be over by August and hadn't planned on a limited wedding, but in hindsight, it was the best wedding I could have hoped for. We had 80 people in our yard, only those who love us and we love them, and we had a real opportunity to enjoy with everyone. It was true excitement."

No More Sadness

Today, Sapir and Tamir live in Moshav Gamzu as newlyweds, strengthening their observance day by day in a life of Torah and mitzvot. In the last Tishrei month, she celebrated her birthday in a completely different way than she had the previous year.

Did you imagine your year would look like this?

"I believed with all my heart I would meet my husband, but in my wildest dreams I didn’t imagine it would be like this. Even when I hoped, at some point I started to give up and said to myself, 'These are the lives.' Baruch Hashem, today, looking back, I am still filled with excitement that reality is unfolding in this way."

And what about the process of returning to observance? Only a year ago, you started keeping Shabbat, were there challenges?

"At first, I wanted to take on everything I could and be meticulous about everything. Then I realized it stressed me and I needed to choose what I was ready to take on and what not yet. The choice of Torah and Hashem is the most right and real thing I’ve ever experienced. Nothing will move me from there. Sometimes I get a little nostalgic for the past because it seemed easier then, but then I remember the emptiness I felt being with friends or going to parties, and I was still sad all the time without understanding why, because everything seemed good from the outside.

"Since returning to observance, I no longer have that sadness. Of course, there are other challenges, Baruch Hashem, trials, and very low places yet to descend to, but everything is wrapped in a very deep faith that gives purpose and meaning to everything I experience here on this journey."

What is the most important thing you would advise others who are strengthening their faith?

"The most important thing in the whole process is to feel the heart, to do it with true joy and love. Each soul has its own path and journey in this world. My return journey is only mine, tailored exactly for my measures. It’s important to remember that Hashem created each of us precisely and differently from one another, so that in the end, all the details we assemble will create a whole. I have no interest in comparing myself to anyone else. The process I am undergoing is internal, between me and Hashem."