Riniti from Milan: "The Streets Here are Empty, We're Reinventing Ourselves"

"At 37, I made the biggest transformation of my life when I returned to religious observance," says Riniti Dvorsky-Dor. She speaks to us from distant Milan, sitting by the window of her home, looking at the half-empty Italian street, a result of the Corona crisis that has not yet ended, helping her only son connect to Zoom as part of the remote learning implemented at the Jewish school these days.

She takes a deep breath and returns to her life story: "I came to Judaism in a miraculous way after working in photography for more than 30 years. Returning to religious observance was an amazing period in my life, where I was in a great state of enlightenment. However, not everything was easy, because for years I was used to prioritizing photography. I was in touch with the most prestigious newspapers, and I achieved great success in the field. But then I found my faith, and things changed because suddenly there were things much more important than a career."

One of the important things, according to Riniti, was the search for the right person with whom she could build a home and family. "At forty, another transformation occurred in my life when I turned from single to married," she continues. "My husband's story is also heavenly, truly beyond nature. He is also a baal teshuva, although Israeli, at that time he lived in Milan. So I simply packed myself up, left my parents and a successful career, and came to establish my home in Milan."

Unfulfillment with a Side of Hope

As mentioned, Riniti was 40 when she first came to Milan. "I felt I would surely be welcomed here with open arms," she says with a smile, "I thought I'd easily find job offers in the community and that the moment they saw my work, they'd be excited about it. But very quickly I realized it wasn’t like that at all. The community here is conservative and closed. It's hard for them to open up to new people, and if they have, for example, their own photographer, then they have been working with them for twenty years, so it was difficult for me to break into the photography field here. There were a few private clients but I couldn't replicate the success I had in the country."

How did you feel about that?

"It was very frustrating," she admits, "a terrible feeling of not fulfilling my potential." Yet, she says it didn’t end there because at that time, she also felt another urge for fulfillment. "More than anything, I wanted to be a mother," she says. "Although my age was no longer young, the desire pulsated in me strongly. Unfortunately, it did not happen easily, and eventually, we realized we were heading towards fertility treatments.

"It’s not easy to be in Milan and start fertility treatments," she says, "The doctors' opinions here are different from those in Israel, and when I asked to begin the process, we heard various approaches, which caused us to waste a lot of precious time. The journey we went through to have our son, who is now seven, lasted about five years and was not simple at all.

"And truly," Riniti is emotional, "we were privileged to see great miracles. These are things that cannot be explained, because not only did I give birth at 45, but the entire process was miraculous. We really saw with our own eyes how the prayers brought us the child."

Riniti's son as a baby

However, the prayers for offspring turned, several months after birth, into prayers for a complete recovery, as at nine months, it turned out the baby had a severe medical problem that even led to emergency surgery to save the child’s life. From that day, for two years, Riniti and her husband were packed with a suitcase by the door, making the rounds to the hospital repeatedly. Only later could it be summarized that their son had been taken out of danger.

"We Became the Point of Contact for Milan"

In all the processes Riniti went through, she also found herself dealing with a tough economic situation. "In those days, I wasn't working, and my husband wasn't earning. Living with an economic problem in Milan is not like living in Israel because most people here have a very high socioeconomic level and the cost of living is high.

"I felt I must make a change," she says, "and after the child started to recover, and we returned to routine, I concluded that I am moving forward and making a career change. On my 49th birthday, a day of introspection, I wandered around Milan and pondered in my heart about what had happened to me over the past few years. Moment by moment, I came to the conclusion that I probably experienced some difficulty, and it was clear to me I wanted to get out of it. I prayed to Hashem, asking Him to help me find the way and to reinvent myself.

"I must note," she adds, "that by nature, I am very curious and love to learn and grow. During all the years I was in Milan, I got to know almost every corner, including places even old residents do not know. I also love helping people, and suddenly I thought I could connect the two things. Who knows better than me how Israelis, Hebrew speakers who come to Italy, struggle to communicate? Who knows better than I do how much they need someone to guide and direct them? Throughout the years I've lived here, my husband and I have become regular contacts for Israelis who are unsure about travel routes or want to know where there is a minyan or a kosher restaurant, or even those who forgot their suitcases and are looking for someone to help them... Why shouldn't I turn this into a profession and start conducting guided tours?"

This understanding that she reached in an instant eventually turned into a project she manages with a strong hand. "I started organizing guided tours for Jews who speak Hebrew or English," she clarifies, "I tell them a lot about the Jewish community living in the area. Not everyone knows, but there are currently about 6000 Jews registered in Milan, of which around 2000 strictly observe mitzvahs and kashrut. Incidentally, when I arrived here 12 years ago, almost twice as many lived here, but due to economic difficulties, many Jews moved to Israel or went to the USA."

Where do the local Jews come from?

"Most of them arrived here from countries like Lebanon or Iran decades ago, but there are also those who have been here for generations, since the 16th century. Additionally, there are many students who study medicine or fashion here."

Do you have a school for the Jewish community's children?

"Certainly, there are several Jewish schools – one governmental, the second is Chabad, and the third belongs to the Lebanese community, which is relatively small. It's important to emphasize that in each school, there is a rabbi, so even in the institution considered governmental, there is supervision regarding religious standards."

It’s not just schools. Riniti points out that in Milan, one can also find bakeries and kosher mehadrin restaurants. "It is so different than what was known here in the past," she emphasizes, "60 years ago, people milked cows here because there was no other way to get milk, and even when I arrived, there were basic kosher products missing. Every time I flew from Israel, I would fill suitcases with food. Today the situation is completely different."

Riniti notes that in those days when she started the tours, she truly reinvented herself, and due to the great need, she even brought her husband to work with her jointly. "Today, when I look back, I know how important it was for me, because one of the most dangerous things for unemployed people is psychological and mental damage. Even now, when I know a wide range of people and am often consulted on various topics, I suggest everyone stop from time to time to check themselves to ensure what they are doing in their life is suitable and if they are in the place they wish to be. If not, it’s possible to change and simply reinvent."

"In Just One Moment, the Streets Were Empty"

However, the moment Corona began, Riniti received a major blow. "Suddenly everything closed down," she describes, "and it happened right when we were at our peak. For those who don't know, Milan is considered part of Northern Italy and was among the places with the most infections. The feeling in the streets here was just like a war. The first week was complete shock, the second week was a state of astonishment, and by the third week we started to laugh out of frustration."

Her son now

Was there fear?

"There was fear, of course. We obviously did not dare leave the house. Every day we heard new records of patients and the infected. Sadly, some we know well from the Jewish community. The fear was so terrible that I didn't allow my husband to go out shopping at all since he was already over 60. Even when they offered a high payment for deliveries, we gave up on it even though our financial situation wasn't easy. I wouldn't allow him to risk himself."

Along with the lockdown and the many casualties, Riniti notes a particularly moving detail: "In our community, there is a very large Jewish nursing home, and while nursing homes around the country had many victims and infections, we had maybe two or three at most who were infected, and no one died. This is only because the management of the nursing home immediately understood the situation and closed its gates long before the government ordered it."

Now the situation in Milan is much better, and Riniti notes that the total lockdown began to gradually open about two weeks ago. "We are already going out and about in the streets," she says, "and last week the skies even opened, and tourism from within Europe started. But I can say that tourists are still very much missing here, which leads to a complete collapse of businesses."

(Illustration photo: shutterstock)

What do you and your husband do meanwhile since there's no demand for tours?

"My husband, an Air Force historian, is using this time to write his 11th book, which is likely to be published soon. I looked for a new path that could suit me, and I found a group of Hebrew-speaking guides from around the world. We connected, organized joint meetings via Zoom, and supported one another, understanding that we are all in the same boat. One of the group members, a guide named Karni Tomer from Singapore, suggested I initiate a lecture where I would tell my life story. At first, it seemed a bit strange to me to turn my private story into public knowledge, but then something interesting happened – someone who had previously participated in my tour in Milan approached me and suggested doing a 'Corona Segula.' She proposed paying in advance for a tour for five people, believing that soon the Creator will rescue us from this difficult situation and allow us all to return to normal lives. I was very touched, but I felt uncomfortable taking money when I wasn't providing any compensation, so then I remembered the proposal to give a lecture, and I decided to try it. So that woman was among the first to participate in the lecture and heard not only my personal story but also all that I have to offer to people who want to grow, especially from a crisis. I couldn't believe how much it took off, and since then I have repeated the lecture again and again, each time with larger and more diverse forums.

"It's not that I'm going to change professions," she emphasizes, "but in the meantime, until the world returns to sanity, I find myself in a place where I share, advise, and try to help. What will happen next? That I cannot predict, but I learned firsthand how Hashem always takes care of us and manages everything, so why should I fear?"

And what about returning to Israel? Perhaps this is your chance?

"The truth is that it’s a fair question," Riniti acknowledges. "I started thinking about it during the Corona period, but then it wasn't relevant because there were no flights anyway. Even now, I'm not free to explore it because I'm busy thinking about when I can meet my parents in Israel and my brother who lives in Australia. But perhaps there will come a day when we see ourselves back in Israel. It isn’t out of the question, and as Corona has taught us all – we can't plan anything."

Contact Riniti: rinatidor@gmail.com