Tzivia Anat: "After a Year of Lights, I Felt the Big 'Boom'"

Tzivia Anat Hirsch spent years searching for answers to her questions, both while studying in the US and performing on stages in Israel. Her transformation came within a year, during which she embraced religious life and built a home in Israel. "The big 'boom' happened right after my return to observance, and that's when the challenges began," she recounts.

(Photo: Shutterstock) Inset: Tzivia Anat(Photo: Shutterstock) Inset: Tzivia Anat
אא
#VALUE!

"A secular Tel Aviv child may appear 'normal' on the outside, but inside, her divine soul seeks closeness to the Creator." This is how Tzivia Anat Hirsch describes her childhood, nearly 30 years ago. "In those years, I knew nothing about tradition," she notes, "but I did know that I was deeply passionate about the performing arts - singing, drama, dance, and acting spoke to me more than anything else. When I was 13, I traveled with my parents on a mission to the US. This was a very significant turning point for me, as I was in adolescence, forming my personality, and all kinds of questions began to arise within me. I found myself studying in a foreign country, initially at a Jewish school, but later in a 'normal' school, with about 60% of the students being black. It was a real cultural shock for me. Even though we returned to Israel after two years and I continued on the normal path, I think the main questions began to resonate within me during those days abroad. I felt such a big difference between me and others, and I didn't know how to explain to myself what truly sets us apart as Jews and why I don't feel connected to it."

(Photo: Shutterstock)(Photo: Shutterstock)

"The Great Change Happened Within a Year"

Even as a teenager, Tzivia Anat continued to develop the stage hobbies she loved so much. "For years, I danced all sorts of dances, mainly classical and modern ballet, passed my matriculation exams successfully, and during my army service performed with a famous theater group. After completing the army, I had a big dream - to live in Tel Aviv and professionalize in the fields of performing arts. My parents weren't thrilled, but very quickly I found myself living in an apartment in Tel Aviv, with friends who were all artists. It was then, as a young woman of twenty-one, that I began to feel my need for spiritual search. It was something that came from within me. I think it had been brewing there for years, but then, in those days, it burst out."

On one of the days, when Tzivia Anat was busy searching for the truth and various probes, she came across a book on Judaism that captivated her, and as a result, decided to visit a center established on Shenkin Street in Tel Aviv, which offered a series of lessons in Judaism. "Very quickly I realized that I had found what I was looking for," she explains, "and the truth is, for me it was very surprising because although I knew I was searching for the truth, I did not imagine my spiritual journey would lead me to the black-clad observant Jews of Bnei Brak."

However, the surprising reality hit her full force. "The more classes I attended, the more I began to understand that Judaism is not just a recommendation but also requires and obligates me. That's how I began to observe Shabbat and adhere to other practices. I explained to my roommates that I was not going to become fanatic, and indeed, I was not yet stable and felt I'm neither here nor there. But after a period of indecision, I made a significant decision - to study at 'Neve Yerushalayim.'"

This move is what caused the primary change in her life. "Suddenly, I was with many girls who, like me, were going through a process of searching for the truth, strengthening together, attending lessons, trying to rise and discover more and more things about the world we didn't know. At some point, I moved to the Netiv Binah seminary, and during those days, a good friend suggested a match - a ba'al teshuva, who later became my husband. We met a few times and very quickly decided we wanted to finalize the match."

Where were your parents during all this time? How did they react to the changes you went through?

"For my parents, it was very hard," admits Tzivia Anat, "at first they were mainly frightened by the thought that there are people who want to marry off their daughter, and that I am about to be a poor woman with many children. At some point, they realized there was no choice, but it was still hard for them to accept reality. Hashem helped that after I formally introduced them to my husband, they were enchanted by his personality. They discovered a charming, considerate, and respectful person who always made them feel that their opinion mattered most to him and that the last thing he wanted was to harm them in any way. Slowly, they learned to accept us, with all the differences, and an understanding was formed between us."

(Photo: Shutterstock)(Photo: Shutterstock)

The Big 'Boom' Came Later

You describe a process that sounds simple. May I assume it was much more complex...

"The truth is, the process of returning to observance was smooth and straightforward for me," she honestly replies, "from the day I started listening to classes until I got married, less than a year had passed, and during this entire period it was completely clear to me where I was heading and what the next steps I had to take were. I actually enjoyed the process; the Shabbats with the girls in the seminary uplifted me, getting to know my husband, the wedding, everything was very special and empowering; I truly experienced a year of lights. It's not that there were no challenges, such as with the change of clothing and covering my hair, but after a short time, I got used to it and did not feel there was a significant sacrifice here. The moment I felt the big 'boom' was when my eldest daughter was born a year after the wedding. Suddenly I found myself with a full, real commitment to being a mother continuously, which is not simple at all."

Most women in the world experience the transition to motherhood and manage to cope. How do you explain that this specifically challenged you?

"I think the thing that made it difficult for me was the drastic change in plans - if I had stayed in my previous state, it is likely that I would not have married and had children before the age of thirty, when I'd have a clear profession and a stable job. Here I found myself a year after the wedding, not yet 22, holding my firstborn daughter, without any profession. Additionally, we lived in Safed during those days, without family in the area. My husband studied in a kollel, we didn't know anyone and received no guidance. I felt like life was falling on me with a big 'boom' and I was not at all prepared for it."

Tzivia Anat notes that in those days the only thing that strengthened her was faith. "I believed these are the things I need to go through in life, and that Hashem, who accompanied me and led me until now, would continue to accompany me further. Today, more than 20 years later, I can pass a message to anyone returning to observance, it is important to know that the process you will experience will never be identical to others. Because everyone goes through things differently, and encounters different difficulties. Some struggle at the beginning, and some like me discover the difficulty at more advanced stages. It is important for each person to progress at their own pace and in their own way, with strong faith in the righteousness of the way."

Even after her oldest daughter grew slightly and her second son was born, Tzivia Anat still did not feel she had reached her rest. "I became a more experienced mother, but I was required to deal with a serious illness that affected my son and numerous hospitalizations. There were very difficult moments, I sometimes felt I was almost collapsing, but even here faith continued to hold me. I felt throughout the road a very strong connection to Hashem. My faith never weakened due to the difficulties; rather, I felt blessed. Not a day went by that I didn't thank Hashem for becoming married and starting a family, for my amazing children, and for being close to Judaism. I also constantly had awareness that I have to handle a trial, but I understood that this is what Hashem demands of me right now and this is my responsibility."

Today, when she strengthens other women, Tzivia Anat repeatedly emphasizes to them that it is important to remember that in the service of Hashem there are very joyful and empowering moments, but there are also moments of trials and difficulties. "Our role is even in moments of hardship, to take happiness and faith from the good days, understand that we are dealing with a trial and it will pass, and if it’s hard - then we gird ourselves, tighten belts and lower our head, always remembering - that everything is for the best."

What about the dream of performing that has always accompanied you? Are you fulfilling it?

"In the first years after marriage, I did not fulfill it at all, because my feeling was that it was impossible and not suitable for a religious woman. In those days, performances by religious female singers in front of women were not recognized, so there was no room for discussion at all. Only years later did I gradually return to my beloved fields, and today I engage in it often. I go out for performances, share my story of returning to observance, and connect women to joy and faith. I feel these performances cause mutual contribution because we all benefit from it – I get strengthened by the women around me and they are strengthened by me. In my eyes, it's a perfect match."

Purple redemption of the elegant village: Save baby life with the AMA Department of the Discuss Organization

Call now: 073-222-1212

תגיות:spiritual journey faith Jewish observance

Articles you might missed

Lecture lectures
Shopped Revival

מסע אל האמת - הרב זמיר כהן

60לרכישה

מוצרים נוספים

מגילת רות אופקי אבות - הרב זמיר כהן

המלך דוד - הרב אליהו עמר

סטרוס נירוסטה זכוכית

מעמד לבקבוק יין

אלי לומד על החגים - שבועות

ספר תורה אשכנזי לילדים

To all products

*In accurate expression search should be used in quotas. For example: "Family Pure", "Rabbi Zamir Cohen" and so on