Balancing Work, Kids, and Pesach Cleaning? Moms Share: "Here's How It's Done"

7:00 AM. The kids jump out of bed with an energy you don't usually see on school days (probably forgetting the late hour they went to bed), they wander around the house turning everything upside down, bickering and asking constantly when lunch will be ready ("You just finished breakfast!") and nagging to go out to play in the parking lot (which has become their second home these days).

You try to give them a daily routine, but you can't even find the paper on which you ceremoniously wrote the 'daily schedule' under piles of clothes and toys. The baby cries, the four-year-old teases him, the older one whimpers that "someone scribbled on her notebook" (as if it's going to be used anytime soon), and amid all this, the phone rings and the boss asks about the material you promised to deliver, and when you'll finish the urgent document.

If this scenario sounds familiar, you're likely one of the many women in Israel who juggle the role of being a mother and a full-time employee, now forced to manage both under one roof. If you thought you were busy and didn't have time to breathe, you're finding the load can indeed be heavier. And we haven't even mentioned the Pesach cleaning that must be done amidst the chaos.

Just before you throw up your hands in despair or declare total collapse, we spoke to women who claim they manage to maintain sanity, continue their regular work, manage the household with children, and even prepare for the holiday. Does it sound impossible? Here they are.

(Photo: shutterstock)

Take a Deep Breath

"On *Motzei Shabbat*, when we realized the pandemic was here to stay, I sat with my children and explained the situation in simple terms," recounts parent coach Tsira Deutsch about her preparation "war readiness" approach taken early on. "I told them I wondered how I could continue working from home because I can't give up my job. I have eight children of various ages, and I must say they were amazing when they rallied and took responsibility. The older girls decided to set up a kind of 'school' in the morning where each would teach a different subject: one volunteered to teach the laws of Pesach, the second math, and the third sports. The results were simply amazing. True, from time to time I had to leave the room and ask for 'quiet' because I couldn't concentrate, but I was definitely able to work."

Yunit Kornberg, a weight loss and healthy lifestyle coach, usually works from home and outside, with work taking a significant part of her life. When asked how she manages to work these days with kids constantly around, she falls silent for a moment. "Without *ayin hara*, I have six kids, and working with them is..." she pauses again, "I have no words to describe it," she finally says. "You could say it's not really work, but more of an endless struggle, in every sense. What I did last week, even before everyone was on official vacation, was to go to a store and buy a stock of crafts and creative materials, and even two board games for when we all have to stay home."

This preparation for a forecast that seemed ridiculous at the time but suddenly became a grim reality is what helps Yunit these days. "I try to at least maintain some routine for the kids. They get up, pray, eat, and then get to their crafts and games. I sit in the living room in front of the computer, and they surround me – playing, drawing, reading, and also arguing."

Can you really work in such conditions?

"Clearly not at the capacity I used to. The quick response I usually provide my clients has significantly decreased in recent days. What can you do when my availability is lower than usual? But I think the fact that it's a 'shared difficulty' helps us all, and people are understanding of delays or changes. On the other hand, I can tell you that among the things I offer my clients is constant guidance throughout the day, but yesterday something interesting happened – I was busy with the baby when one of my clients called. My 12-year-old daughter didn't panic; she took the phone and answered with great formality, listened to the client, and even recommended a product, which to my amazement was indeed correct and suitable. Honestly, I was in shock."

Attorney Margalit Boterman is also a mother of a large family. "For years, when the kids were little, I worked as an employee outside," she says, "and in the last two and a half years I've been working independently from home. This, of course, doesn't reduce the workload for even a moment, the work is intense and demands a lot from me."

Usually, she can work without interruptions since most of her children are older. "I have two older daughters – one in seminar and the other already working. After them, I have a line of boys and then a young girl in primary school," she explains. "Throughout the regular year, the boys are not home, and it's pretty empty. But this week, due to the coronavirus outbreak, they 'kicked' everyone out of the *yeshivas* abruptly, and I found myself in an unplanned situation where the house was suddenly full."

Margalit's task is of another kind: "As mentioned, I don't have young children who need their schedules filled with activities, but I do have *yeshiva* students who need food. I have to fill the freezer with meat, poultry, and cooked lunches. As a person working from home, I also face the regular dilemma of either using the opportunity to be with my boys or working. For instance, on the night they returned, I really wanted to sit with them and hear stories and experiences, but I had to submit an urgent document, so I closed myself in a room and worked. The children know mom is working, and they try not to disturb. In the afternoon, I try to find time to eat with everyone, but immediately after, I return to work. By the way, I also have my eldest daughter at home who has now also started working from home, so she too needs to close herself in her room for most hours of the day."

(Photo: shutterstock) Inset: Tsira Deutsch

Maintaining Sanity in an Insane Situation

For most of us, the good intentions last through the first hour or two of the day, then the big stress begins. The workload increases, the list of tasks grows, the kids are almost climbing the walls, and the understanding that this situation isn't ending soon isn't particularly encouraging.

How do you maintain your sanity?

Yunit Kornberg admits that at this stage we're only at the beginning, and she herself doesn't know how long her sanity will hold. "But there's one thing I've been strict on from now on – a regular nighttime walk with my husband, to breathe fresh air and stretch muscles and bones. It gives me strength and fills me for the next day."

Margalit: "My great fortune is being able to work in noise, and when I need to, I can 'disconnect from everything' and immerse myself in work. I know this is a true advantage, and so at times like these, when the children are home, I sometimes find myself moving to work in the living room with all the noise, vacating my regular workspace for my husband, who finds it difficult to concentrate when everyone is around.

"I encourage myself by believing there is something important about children seeing a working mother under any circumstances. It conveys the message that while there is time we all enjoy, there is also a time when each of us has our responsibilities, no matter what field, and we must fulfill them."

And Tsira recounts: "These days, I keep getting calls from parents I guide, who are genuinely sounding in distress, seriously fearing they will lose their sanity, as they can't 'entertain' the kids for such long hours. I explain to them what I felt as a child during the Gulf War. I was in sixth grade, an older sister to a line of younger siblings, and we never thought our parents had to keep us entertained. Thanks to this, we managed to keep ourselves busy with full and varied activities for the long hours we were in the sealed room. I fully believe this is how it should be now too, and once we act this way, the kids will surprise us because they are much more creative than we imagine. We just need to expect it from them."

Are you saying all this only because we're at the start of this journey? Maybe in a week or two, your opinion will change?

"Perhaps, but I believe with full faith that once we expect good things, they will come with Hashem's help. Of course, I don't pin all my security on the kids, but first and foremost on the Creator of the Universe, and also on myself. I'm not alarmed by what's happening here. I know I'm the mother of my children, I'm the one who decided to bring them into the world, and I'm confident that with Hashem's help, I'll find the best way to be with them and work as much as possible. Even if I'm not perfect or calm, it's still okay. It's also okay to release and know how to keep your head down until it passes, and with Hashem's help, it will happen."

Tsira also notes that her way of working these days has changed completely, and she is coming to terms with this reality. "Until now, I worked both from home and outside. I would go out to give lectures and meet couples in my home, usually in the evenings. Now I'm forced to give up a big part of my work. But I'm teaching myself that this is the current reality and I must learn to rejoice in it and understand it.

"I can really see how Hashem prepares the cure before the blow," she adds, "because in recent months, I've been working on an online workshop, something I barely knew how to do with computers and how to conduct discussions and consultations through them in the past. Now, it's almost the only way left for me to communicate with the couples I guide. Although it's not suitable for everyone, for some, it is indeed a solution."

(Photo: shutterstock) Inset: Yunit Kornberg

Preparing for Pesach in Peace

Working full-time is hard, being with the kids simultaneously is nearly impossible, but when you remember the Pesach cleaning, the task seems almost insurmountable.

What are you truly doing to succeed in the holiday cleaning?

Yunit responds honestly: "We haven't started thinking about Pesach yet. I believe that next week I'll start getting the kids and myself involved in the communal work, but the truth is I'm not so stressed. We've gained a different focus on life, so with regards to Pesach cleaning too, I know that whatever we manage - we'll manage, and what doesn't, will wait for next year with Hashem's help."

For Margalit, it's exactly the opposite. "My boys help me every year to prepare for Pesach, and this year I got an extra two weeks as a gift. I think we'll start Pesach cleaning earlier and finish earlier with Hashem's help. We'll even have time left to look for a beautiful Paschal lamb; please God, we should merit."

"Of course, I never planned Erev Pesach like this," admits Tsira, "and the truth is my older daughters, who remember the cleanings from previous years, constantly complain: 'How will we manage to clean for Pesach when the little ones are all the time at home?' I found myself explaining to them what I tell parents who consult with me – 'We can see every crisis or difficulty as an opportunity'. In other words: We have to be ready for Pesach, especially since I usually host my parents and other family members each year, so typically a week and a half before Pesach I already start cooking. It's clear to me that this year's pace will be different, but with Hashem's help we'll manage to improvise – clean together with the little ones, discover talents, and try to make the most of it. I believe it's all in the head, and if we act with the feeling that our children aren't 'stressful' or 'a heavy burden', then it will be so."

And finally, can you share a tip for other mothers who have to juggle home, work, and kids these days?

Margalit: "Sit with the kids and talk to them about the times ahead. Make it clear that everyone can take on tasks according to their abilities, and as partners in the home, it's important that we all bear the burden. Once I pass the responsibility to the kids, I assume they are the ones who need to perform the tasks, and I don't even try to enforce them. With all this, you need to know there will be things we will have to overlook, and that's okay too. As my father always says: 'Bless Hashem that there's a mess of children, what do you want, an organized home?'"

Yunit: "I can recommend the tip I've adopted for myself years ago: I go to bed relatively early, even if I haven't finished everything I planned, and get up early, to start the day with a clean, fresh head, and accomplish at least some tasks before the kids even wake up."

And Tsira sincerely advises: "Try to rejoice in the gifts you've received and believe that you didn't just receive these kids and your specific work from Hashem. If He gave you such abundance, it means you are capable of accepting it and dealing with the challenges."