Ziva Meir and Efrat Barzel: "Thanking Hashem for Our Collaborative Match"

"Why does my child argue about everything?"; "How can I get my kids to go to bed on time?"; "What can be done to make them do homework without procrastination?" It seems there isn’t a parent who doesn’t encounter such questions or ones similar to them.

"Raising children is a task like any other, and it’s well known that more than we raise our children, they raise us," says Efrat Barzel with a smile. She is an emotional advisor who co-hosts the new Hidabroot channel program 'Making Order' with parent coach Ziva Meir. The aim of the program is to present parents’ questions each week and provide comprehensive answers.

The World Changes, Needs Change

How did this program begin? Tell us a bit from behind the scenes

Ziva and Efrat exchange smiles. "The truth is, it came to me rather suddenly," Ziva admits. "I received a proposal from the channel to participate in such a program, and then I asked who the interviewer would be. They told me I could choose, so I picked Efrat, with whom I have a good acquaintance spanning several years. In fact, it was only after we started filming together that I realized how successful this match was, as a good program requires more than just a well-skilled parenting expert, but also a flow and suitability in hosting. I thank Hashem for this match that has led to so many good energies in the program."

Efrat adds, "I received the offer to be part of the program almost suddenly, and I was very happy that Ziva invited me. In my eyes, Ziva is a great woman, and generally, parenting coaching is so important. The educational challenges we face today are enormous, and as the world changes at a fast pace, so do the parenting challenges. Just because we managed to handle a child's issues yesterday does not mean we'll succeed tomorrow. All the changes of the era, mainly due to technological advancements, create so much power dynamics between parents and children, leading to a lot of confusion.

"I find myself sitting in my clinic as an emotional counselor, hearing from various kinds of parents — religious, secular, knitted kippot, from all segments of the population — raising so many questions and wonders. Suddenly, in my own quiet, I understand how much the scope of questions, problems, and desires are equal across the board. We all want to be better people, better parents, and it’s definitely something we need to learn and invest in."

"It Hurts Me That People Don’t Seek Help"

Your program is supposed to consist of questions directed by viewers... Does that mean you sit down at the start of every show not knowing where it will flow?

"We choose questions a little beforehand," Ziva clarifies, "and strive for them to be significant and able to assist as many viewing parents as possible. Of course, I know in advance what I ultimately wish to convey, since it’s all clear to me. It's not just a coffee chat. However, what’s true is that Efrat doesn’t know exactly where things will lead. In my view, that’s part of the beauty of the conversation, as Efrat essentially represents the audience, the parents. For that matter, even in my joint radio program with Beni Yedidya, I don’t tell him beforehand what I’m going to discuss. Even if he asks to know, I avoid revealing, because I think that is what makes the program most spontaneous."

Efrat, do you always agree with Ziva’s responses and her approach?

Efrat nods vigorously. "The thing I appreciate about Ziva, and perhaps the reason for our good connection, is her flexibility and her avoidance of strict adherence to one method. Everything she says is always wrapped in a Jewish perspective. This is why I connect with the subjects. I think that despite the respect for methods like Adler, Sheffer, CBT, and countless others, the Torah has far more experience and offers the heart of a Jewish mother, which brings the real solutions. Ziva provides the right combination of education and Judaism along with rich life experience. These aspects are more important than anything else."

What type of questions can we direct to the program?

"Any question related to parenting and family life," instructs Ziva. "Ultimately, we as parents always remain ourselves, regardless of whether the challenge arises when putting a child to bed or when a child is doing homework. In the end, I am the parent, and the ball always returns to my hands. My goal in the program is to teach us how to be parents, and once we know our role, it will naturally spill over into many other aspects of our parenting."

From your experience, Ziva, what worries parents the most?

"In the past, the primary questions that led people to seek advice were about fights among children and sibling jealousy. In recent years, the trend has shifted, and the main questions are under the title ‘the kids don’t listen to me.’ Parents feel their word doesn’t count at home. They hear a lot of ‘I don’t want to’ from the kids and perceive a lack of assistance and lack of compliance from them. I think this is what I encounter the most."

Do you have a small tip on this topic? Something that could help us all?

"The general answer regarding parental authority is that a parent needs to strengthen themselves internally and not be swayed by a child’s behavior and words. A parent needs to work on not being intimidated, and that’s where most of the work lies. It will reflect on the child, and in the end, we will see a change in them too."

Ziva wishes to emphasize another point: "I’ve noticed that most parents’ questions focus on younger children and not on teenagers. I’m not sure if it’s because when kids reach that age, parents are disheartened and don’t believe change is possible, or they are embarrassed to seek help, or for other reasons. But reality shows there is less consultation, and it’s such a shame because there they could really benefit. It pains me that it doesn’t happen."

"May We Merit to Help"

Your show only lasts an hour. How can you address a range of questions in such a short time? Each of these matters are reasons parents attend a series of sessions...

Efrat emphasizes, "The program isn’t a replacement for direct discussions, counseling, or treatment a family, couple, or parent may need to undergo, but it’s a source for gathering information. Watching the program, regardless of whether the question precisely hits your problem, you hear interesting opinions and important suggestions, so these things surely impact you. I think any parent who watches the program will benefit, and these points will assist them; they will also echo in their minds for the future.”

"The truth is, I previously did not believe in a virtual program that simultaneously communicates with a large and unknown audience," Ziva admits. "This is why for years I only worked in personal consulting and private workshops. My great surprise came from an online initiative called 'Ima Meir' that I launched in recent years. These are essentially parent coaching workshops that simultaneously reach hundreds of parents viewing them on the screen. I don’t personally know these families, but each week they receive a shorter lesson than what the program on Hidabroot offers, and the reactions are amazing. Just tonight, I received a letter from someone saying that although we don’t know each other personally, thanks to this initiative, their home has undergone a tremendous transformation, and they’re so grateful for it. Such responses always move me. It proves to me that people can work on themselves even if they don't attend private one-on-one consulting.

"By the way, before embarking on the larger 'Ima Meir' initiative, I also had smaller trials, the first of which was with Chabad emissaries residing all across the globe. They formed a group where we met virtually once a week, and I ran a parenting coaching workshop. Even there, not knowing them personally, things worked beautifully. This proves to me that such an approach can definitely work, although, of course, it cannot replace a real meeting, nor can we offer as comprehensive a response as in a personal interaction. But when such an option isn’t available, a program like this can definitely provide a significant contribution."

As parents, we encounter questions and dilemmas almost every day, but we usually manage to resolve them ourselves or with the help of experienced family and friends. In what situations would you say it's important to seek structured counseling and professional guidance?

"I definitely think that at first, parents should try consulting themselves and their surroundings; this can sometimes bring significant blessings. But when there comes a moment when, despite repeated attempts, you feel stuck, get angry, frustrated, or feel helpless — in such situations, it’s important to seek counseling. I always tell parents: 'Don’t wait to consult a professional until you have difficulty. It’s indeed nice to learn theories, but the moment when it truly matters is when you face difficulty. At that moment, you need to roll up your sleeves and start working.'"

To conclude, what do you wish for yourselves on the occasion of the new program?

Ziva: "That we bring as much benefit, blessings, and joy to as many homes and families in Israel as possible."

Efrat: "Nearly twenty years ago, Rebbetzin Kanievsky wished me the merit to sanctify Hashem’s name and help others through my profession. I wish for ourselves the sincerest prayer from the bottom of my heart — that we really help."

Watch the first episode of "Making Order"