The Former Actress: "Returning to Faith Shook the Entire Household"

Eti Vanger finds it hard to count the times she performed on stage. Since childhood, drama has been a part of her life. Yet, despite a decade of speaking about her life on stage, she is always filled with excitement and joy—excitement from the moment and joy from achieving something vastly different than the dreams of her childhood.

A Girl of Competitions

"I come from the realms of dance, sports, and fitness," Eti shares. "As a child and teen, I was the type to come home, change into sports gear, and go for a long run in the city. My mom would call asking, 'Eti, when are you coming back?' I'd say, 'I'll be home in ten minutes.' Half an hour would pass, and I'd still not come home, finally arriving exhausted, bursting with sweat, collapsing on the couch, and once recovered, heading out for volleyball, then basketball, and repeating."

Aside from sports, Eti loved dance and acting. "I'd dance in front of the mirror, imagining fame and crowds chanting my name: 'Eti! Eti!' To achieve this dream, I learned all dance styles, performed, and excelled. I always aspired to progress, that was my interest."

However, upon joining the army, other interests arose. She met a friend from a large family involved in outreach. "My study partner," she calls her. "She was knowledgeable about Judaism, which I admired. She answered my many questions and taught me new things like hand washing and keeping Shabbat."

Once invited to her friend's home for Shabbat, Eti was shocked to see the table full of family and overflowing with guests. Next to her friend sat a woman undergoing conversion, seeking to learn more about Judaism. After Shabbat, Eti dared to ask this woman why she wanted to become Jewish. Her answer was astonishing: 'What’s allowed for you is forbidden for me; I want those allowances.' Eti didn’t quite grasp her meaning until her friend explained: 'She says you're allowed to keep Shabbat, while she, yet to finish conversion, is not.' This hit home for Eti. Suddenly she realized someone was yearning to do what she took for granted. Leaving that Shabbat, she knew she wanted a Shabbat table with sixteen children and a husband singing 'Eshet Chayil,' but the path to that was still unclear."

(Photo: Shutterstock)

Her connection with the study partner grew stronger. "We had deep discussions; sometimes we argued, sometimes shared excitement. She undeniably guided me toward returning to faith."

Another influential figure was her uncle, who also returned to faith and worked in outreach. "During my journey, I stayed with him for Shabbatot, joining groups of returning Jews around his table, discussing topics that intrigued me. Seeing the dignity and respect between him and his wife and their children's upbringing profoundly impacted me and led me to decide I wanted to become Charedi."

Returning Out of Love

A year and a half later, still serving in the army, the challenging day of the Gaza disengagement arrived. "The unit I served in was largely religious, and I witnessed many ethical debates among the soldiers. Before the eviction, a soldier stood and shared Torah thoughts, concluding: 'We must remember that behind every human command and requirement, there's a divine one, and we must keep Hashem's commandments first.' Several Torah emphases include 'love your neighbor as yourself' and 'do not stand over your neighbor's blood,' so he announced he'd refuse the order and asked, 'Are you with me?' Looking around, Eti saw almost everyone nodding courageously. This shook her to her core. While she'd heard many debates on the disengagement, this was the first time she understood that Jewish law must be taken into account above all else."

Eti insists she doesn’t connect with the stigma that returning Jews come from a bad place. "On the contrary, I come from a very good place—a healthy and cohesive family blessed by Hashem. I didn’t seek light from darkness because, thank God, I already had light. Even though nothing lacked in my life, I chose to return to faith completely out of love."

How did your parents react?

"Truthfully, my return to faith shook the entire household; my parents couldn't understand why or how it happened. We had been a traditionally observant family, making kiddush on Friday evenings and marking holidays, albeit not strictly observing them. Instead, we'd sit around the table and energetically sing Israeli songs, priding ourselves on being quality people. Perhaps this is why accepting my new path was so difficult for them."

On the day she finished her military service, Eti wore her most modest clothing and went to study at Neve Yerushalayim. "To be honest," she says, "as a sporty girl always in athletic wear, starting to wear skirts was challenging. I've heard women talk about the difficulty of covering their hair, but for me, it was even harder, yet I was determined. I knew I was going to succeed, and thank Hashem, I did."

During this time, she also received full support from her mother. "As long as I was unsure and my strengthening seemed like a passing whim, my mother took a somewhat strict stance and made that clear. But once she realized I was committed and this was final for me, she understood she had two options: to accept it or not. She chose to accept, despite feeling no connection to Judaism then. I admire her for that reaction. From that moment, everything became easier for me. Eventually, my parents and most of my siblings returned to faith."

(Photo: Shutterstock)

Strengthen from the Good

Several years later, at 24, Eti stood under the chuppah, marrying in the tradition of Moses and Israel. Today, she lives in Hadera with her husband and five children.

Like many returning to Judaism, initially, Eti believed she couldn't continue performing dance and acting after entering the Charedi sector and thought she had to leave it behind. "For two years, I didn't perform and only filled myself with spiritual content. After two years, feeling I’d built myself, I gradually returned to those activities, being aware of permissible boundaries. My sense is that in performing, I can achieve my capabilities in the best way possible, and today, combining my life story with acting and dance pieces feels like true self-fulfillment. Now I realize that my past enjoyment of performing wasn't true joy, but today I genuinely enjoy it."

What message would you share with others experiencing such a process?

"Perhaps surprisingly," she states, "my message isn't directed solely at 'official' returning Jews but at all of us. My belief is we are all actually returning in one way or another, whether in family, social, or personal circles. Every small strengthening we do, any closeness to Hashem, is a return and an achievement. Returning is a never-ending process, and as Jews, it’s our role to adhere constantly to the law, understanding our aspirations and what we wish to become. Let's not wait for hardships to spur us to do good, but rather strengthen from the goodness we have and thank the Creator."