"When the Baby Was Born and Didn't Breathe, I Cried 'Master of the Universe, Help Me'"

A decade ago, during Chanukah, our personal miracle occurred. We were preparing for the birth of our firstborn, and after a difficult labor that lasted 23 hours, the baby was brought into the world, but one thing was missing – the sound of crying. Immediately after birth, he was taken from me by the dedicated doctors, and by the grace of Heaven, he regained his breath in a few minutes. For me, it was clear that a great miracle had happened, fitting for the festival of Chanukah, but for my husband – at that moment, a long process of return to faith began, which was just waiting for the right time to arrive. It took me a bit longer, but for Eldad, my husband, it was a significant moment in his new life, both as a new father and as someone returning to faith.

"I Knew There Had to Be Something More to Life"

Eldad David Peryant (38) grew up in Moshav Ramat Naftali in the Upper Galilee, to a Moroccan mother and a Tunisian father, the youngest of four siblings. He describes the home he grew up in as "traditional," although today, that term seems less fitting to him. "We kept kosher, did Kiddush on Shabbat, and observed holiday symbols, but we didn't go to synagogue or keep Shabbat," he explains. "On the contrary, I avoided the synagogue because it was always filled with arguments, which really deterred me."

What could people be arguing about in the synagogue?

"There was a lot of disrespect, people would rebuke each other. Even rebuking should be done properly, and sometimes it developed into verbal violence. Now I understand that shouting and disrespecting someone in the name of religion is completely wrong, but back then I thought that's how it was, so I didn't even try to go."

In second grade, when most children were learning about Creation, Eldad began asking questions. "I asked questions that were very unusual for a 7-year-old. We were learning about the creation of the world, but I wanted to know what was there before it. No one could answer me, but I didn't stop asking. One day, my parents took me to visit a family whose son had returned to faith and was studying to become a rabbi."

And did he provide you with answers?

"He gave me very high-level answers that I couldn’t grasp. I'm not really sure there's a way to explain this to a 7-year-old. Nevertheless, the answer is very deep, but I needed to know what happened before Creation, how suddenly reality appeared. I heard various things like there was an explosion, but it didn't sound logical to me. How was there an explosion, and humans were created? I knew there had to be something more, and the only person who could answer my questions was a man with a hat. It was precisely his more mysterious answers that I accepted more, and I understood there’s a planner of the world, someone who took, built, and arranged everything. Something much more logical than a random occurrence that happened so precisely."

In his teenage years, Eldad started searching for spirituality. "Trips to India were very popular then," he recounts. "I knew I needed some spirituality in my life, and a friend and I started doing meditations with someone in the moshav, which later turned out to be introspection and retreat work. I went through a very long process of self-discovery, and all the philosophy that guided us was a Jewish approach. Back then, we didn’t know that; we thought it was more 'shanti' of the East."

Why would a 15-year-old be searching for spirituality at all?

"I can't really explain it. It always attracted me. It didn’t make sense to me that this was all there is to life; I knew there had to be something more. Somehow we ended up there, but at the end of the day, someone led me there. I learned a worldview of faith, and this whole process strengthened my belief that there is a Creator and that there is a remarkable order to the world."

Years passed, and 12 years ago, Eldad and I got married. We lived as seculars, but Eldad knew that at some point, his return to faith process would begin. "I knew it was the direction, but I was afraid. I wasn't sure it was the right time, and I had misconceptions about religious people. The symbols of religion, the kippah and tzitzit, didn't attract me. I wanted to feel the closeness of Hashem, to reach the feelings I had once. It says in 'The Path of the Just' to 'delight in the radiance of the Shechinah.' That is the purpose of man in my eyes, to reach spiritual delight. When you start the return process, you’re given a sort of gift, and you feel elevated. Later it is taken from you, and you have to work very hard to achieve those feelings again."

"I Received a Gift and Felt Ungrateful"

During Chanukah, 10 years ago, I entered the delivery room, and we were waiting for the birth of our first son. It was there that the turning point in Eldad's life happened. "Oron was born via vacuum extraction after a difficult 23-hour labor. I remember that the moment he emerged into the world, you asked me why he wasn't crying. I don’t know where I got the nerve, but I said everything would be okay. Now I realize it was arrogance on my part to promise that everything would be okay. I went along with the doctors and understood that the baby was born with respiratory distress. For several minutes he was in trauma and wasn’t breathing, due to something that got stuck in his throat during birth. He was on ventilation, and I felt I had to go outside because I was in a great turmoil."

Eldad stepped out of the hospital and didn’t know whom to turn to. "I looked right, left, then raised my head upwards and said 'Master of the Universe, please help me.' I simply spoke to Him in tears, cried out to Him for help. A few minutes later, I went up to the intensive care unit, and the doctors told me the baby had started breathing again, but he was still hooked to machines for safety."

We named that baby Oron, and this month he celebrates his 10th birthday. With the help of Hashem, no neurological damage was caused by the birth, and true to his name, he is a small-great light. At that time, Eldad met a colleague at work who had left religion. One day, he told him about the miracle that happened to us, and that colleague asked him, "So how have you not awakened yet?" Eldad recounts, "This thing gnawed at me, although I thought to myself how a person who left religion dared ask me this. During that week at work, they taught me how to put on tefillin, and that colleague who had left religion resumed putting on tefillin himself. It was amazing."

Is that what started your return to faith process?

"First of all, I realized I received a gift and that I needed to thank the Creator. I felt I would be ungrateful if I didn’t do so. I was still afraid to take the step, but I started putting on tefillin and decided to buy tzitzit. I was embarrassed to wear a kippah, so I kept it in my pocket all the time, and when I needed to bless, I took it out. Eventually, I got tired of taking in and out the kippah, so I began wearing a kippah regularly. The return to faith process was gradual. I started going to synagogue, then keeping Shabbat. Each time, I took on something small. It’s like taking a full glass of water and trying to transfer it to another glass. If you do it all at once, it will spill. If you do it gradually, it will transfer properly. I couldn’t enter a completely different reality all at once; it wouldn’t have been right."

Do you feel there are things you would have done differently at the beginning?

"I think there are no mistakes. I went through, and I’m still going through the process to this day. We end the morning prayer with the verse: ‘Its ways are ways of pleasantness, and all its paths are peace,’ and that’s the thing that speaks to me the most. To do everything with pleasantness and peace."

The story of Eldad and Shiri Peryant is part of a series in the 'From Darkness to Light' project for the Chanukah holiday. Do you know other people who went from darkness to light? You're welcome to write to us at support@htv.co.il​

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