Blessed with Twins After 17 Years: 'You Don't Have to Appreciate the Light Just Because of the Darkness Along the Way'

Rachel Magen and her husband swung for seventeen years between despair and hope, disappointment and love, vision and loss, until the light burst upon them like a gigantic spotlight, dazzling but good, very good. 'There were moments when I said to myself – that’s it, up to here, I can’t take it anymore, I’m not a machine.’ But apparently, the desire for continuity of life, the wish to hold a child of my own and not someone else's, overcame everything else and it triumphed,' says Rachel Magen.

Photo: Magen Family

No More Waiting

She was single like all the girls, married like all her friends, and waited like all of humanity. She waited a year, and still no child, but who worries after a year? Two years passed, three years, and butterflies began to flutter in her stomach. Not real pressure, but a strong desire to become a mother in Israel. At that time, Rachel didn’t know that even Hashem wanted it, but just a bit differently.

When did you realize you were facing a problem?

"You never understand and don’t want to understand, but you turn to a doctor to make a desire that became a dream a reality, and that happened after five years. The doctors checked what the problem was, and told us everything was fine, no problem. This doesn’t calm; it worries more because if there's a problem - then there’s a solution. If there's no problem, then you don’t look for a solution, and the situation remains as it is, year after year, tear after tear, anxiety after anxiety, and it repeats again and again."

Did you approach organizations specializing in this?

"Initially, we approached the organization 'Bonei Olam,' which truly gave us all the heart and all the knowledge they had, including financial support for medical expenses. After that, we turned to Rabbi Moshe Schlesinger, chairman of the Pri Chaim organization, and he sent us to various kinds of doctors. From there, we started rolling from doctor to doctor, test to test, treatment to treatment, a nightmare that didn’t end."

After seventeen years of anticipation, Rachel Magen and her husband were blessed with twins - a small and cute daughter and son. During our conversation, the faint sounds of crying are heard repeatedly. I pause the conversation, not wanting to interrupt such sweet crying that hasn’t been heard within their home's walls for seventeen years.

Did you ever dream it would take seventeen years?

"You tell me seventeen years, and meanwhile, I pinch myself; what, seventeen years passed? It can’t be, it’s a long time, it seems like ten years passed, not more. Time flies."

They say everything, even bad, has a positive side. What good thing was there for you during this long period?

"During the time, my husband and I had many hours of leisure, building our relationship, traveling, and having experiences. If there are no children, let there be a supportive and strengthening partner, which is one of the main things that sustain couples dealing with such situations. It’s a must, and it’s necessary."

What was the biggest difficulty for you?

"I had many difficulties. Until the successful pregnancy, I went through four miscarriages, and each time it shattered me anew. There’s hope, it swells like a balloon, slowly, and then - a big boom, all illusions burst in my face. All the images of holding a small child, my child, suddenly shatter into my soul. And that repeatedly breaks, definitely. But it wasn’t my greatest challenge. I had a greater trial. It was during one of my miscarriages. Afterward, I was hospitalized in the women's ward at Ma’ayanei Hayeshua Hospital, and on a floor below me was my younger sister in the middle of giving birth to her fifth child. It’s clear I’m happy for her, but to see my mom torn to pieces is terrible and dreadful. On one floor she cries, and below she smiles. So is she happy or sad? I didn’t know. It was really Solomon’s judgment in its entirety."

What medical efforts did you make during the period?

"What didn’t we do? We went to all the doctors we were sent to, and what do you think? It costs a fortune. Each ten-minute meeting with a doctor cost us two thousand shekels right off the bat, like it grows on a tree. Every treatment that succeeded or didn’t cost us ten thousand shekels. People from outside see a couple without children and they think to themselves, 'What are they doing with their money? After all, they don’t have expenses on children.' But they don’t know that the expenses are to have children, and it’s much more expensive."

Were there moments of collapse?

"Yes. After the fourth and last miscarriage, I went to Rabbi Schlesinger again. I told him, 'Rabbi, enough! I can't anymore, what's to be?' The Rabbi thought and then sent me to Professor Krap, a world-renowned expert on miscarriages at Tel Hashomer Hospital, and this breaking point, this cry, is what led to salvation. I asked myself where the rabbi was until now, why didn’t he bring out Professor Krap for us until now, and only now remembered? But after seventeen years, I managed to understand that it’s not Rabbi Schlesinger managing things and not Professor Krap preventing the miscarriages, but the great and awesome Creator of the world, and He wanted me to have children only now, not a minute before."

Photo: Magen Family

What did you do spiritually?

"We did all the possible good deeds and prayers. Challah separations, chai rotel, amens meals, salvations, righteous people’s graves, acceptances, fasts, pleadings, receiving Shabbat ten minutes earlier and what not."

What did you feel? What spiritual merit benefited you in the end?

"It’s very interesting because in the last year I reached a breaking point and stopped with all the deeds, didn’t have strength for more, but I didn’t leave the Psalms, nor the Creator of the world. I would speak to Him like a child to a father in simple words, not high words. He doesn’t need the high words; He wants us to talk to Him as we are, and that’s what I did. Every good thing that happened – I said, 'Father, thank you.' I got up in the morning - I said 'Father, thank you.' I went to work - I said 'Father, thank you.' Returned from the grocery – I said 'Father, thank you.' Say thank you for everything, because all that we have, even if it’s not all that we want, is still very much. Parallel to prayers and thanks, I started volunteering for Ezer Mizion by caring for sick children in hospitals, and there I understood I could contribute a lot to Hashem's children. No one asks for money there, they only want your hands, your warmth, your touch, yourself. Then, within a year, I was granted salvation."

Photo: Magen Family

'People Crossed the Street'

How did your surroundings treat you before the children were born?

"It isn’t pleasant to say, but they need to repent. There were all kinds of women, some were nicer and some less so. There were friends for whom I was like air, didn’t even say hello, and now suddenly they stop next to me, as if they know me from a new intersection. What happened? Someone who gives birth after seventeen years, did the horns she had before fall off or break? Things got to the point where there were those who, upon seeing me, would cross the street. Instead of encouraging, strengthening, saying a good word, they’d run away. But I’m not angry, I understand their backbone is too weak to know how to react in such situations, so they buried their heads in the sand like an ostrich, and I became nonexistent."

What's it like to hold two babies that are yours?

"The truth is, I still haven’t digested it. It seems like a dream. I turn my head to see it’s real, that it’s mine. When I go to pick them up from the caregiver, I ask her, 'Tell me, is this mine? Are you sure?' I remember the first time I took them out of the daycare. I was particularly moved, cried endlessly, couldn’t believe this is mine. All these years I was used to taking out other people’s children, and now I take out my own."

Photo: Magen Family

What is it like caring for two children?

"At first, it's very hard, but once you get used to it, everything flows. I don’t even understand how it's possible with just one child, it’s very hard, but when you get used to it, it becomes easier. Same with two. But I won’t tell you there aren’t stressful times. Especially when both decide to cry together and my husband isn’t home, I don’t know who to attend to first. In the end, I pick them both up together, and then I can’t feed anyone because I’m unable. Screaming starts, and no one is willing to wait; frankly - happy troubles. But even amidst the screaming house I opened, I never lay the baby in bed with a bottle and a diaper wrapped around them. I didn’t wait seventeen years for this. I always pick them up and feed them, and if both are hungry, I pick up both. How exactly - I don’t know, but when you want something - you succeed."

In conclusion, what message do you want to convey to couples currently facing similar challenges to yours?

"I want to tell all childless couples, know that even though you don’t see the light, it exists. Therefore, you must always be happy, because today we have a solution for ninety-five percent of problems. Don’t decide on your own you’re in the other five percent. Because if you fall into sadness, it definitely won’t help, neither for daily life nor for fertility. Be strong."

Magen emphasizes that these words were spoken to strengthen all couples waiting for their gifts and above all - to thank the Creator of the world for His great miracles.

The story of the Magen family is part of a series of articles in the 'From Darkness to Light' project for the festival of Chanukah. Know others who came from darkness to light? Feel free to write to us at support@htv.co.il​

Chaya Shadmi: 'I Was in Shock, Nothing Prepared Me for Such a Scenario'

"When the Baby Was Born and Didn’t Breathe, I Cried ‘Master of the World, Help Me’"

From Distress I Cried Out to Hashem: "Save My Eyes, and I Will Protect Them"