The Law Regarding Hitting Children

The Gemara in Moed Katan (17a) states that a maidservant in Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi's household saw a man hitting his grown son. She declared, "Let that man be excommunicated," because he was violating "Do not place a stumbling block before the blind." Rashi explains that since the son was not young, he may come to disrespect his father, thus causing him to stumble into transgression. The Gemara notes that the Sages did not take this excommunication lightly for three years.

The Rambam's words are well-known, stating that a person should not burden his children excessively, to avoid causing them to fail in honoring their parents. All the more so, he should not hit his children excessively, as this may lead them to transgress Torah prohibitions. The Shulchan Aruch rules accordingly, prohibiting a father from hitting his grown son, lest the son rebel against him and strike back, causing the father to violate "Do not place a stumbling block before the blind." It is obvious that this applies equally to sons and daughters.

The Rama writes that when referring to a "grown" son, this doesn't mean a thirteen-year-old, but rather one who is twenty-two, as at that age he is likely to rebel against his father. However, the Rama's words only apply to his generation, when children behaved with great submission to their parents. In our times however, when disrespect has increased, there is certainly a prohibition against hitting a son even at a younger age, as the Ritva wrote: "It appears that 'grown' does not mean literally grown, but depends on the child's nature - whether there is concern he might rebel either verbally or physically. Even if he hasn't reached bar mitzvah age, one shouldn't bring him to a situation where he might strike or curse his father; but rather, he should be educated with words." This is also the ruling of Rabbi Ovadia Yosef. The Rambam wrote that a teacher of young children may use a small strap to instill fear, but is not permitted to hit them cruelly, and therefore should not strike them with whips or sticks. Rabbi Ovadia Yosef wrote that this certainly applies to fathers as well, who must treat their children gently, as a father has compassion on his children.

It is worth noting that some contemporary scholars (such as the righteous Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe) believed that in our times, children should not be hit at all, as this creates an unhealthy relationship between children and their parents, with serious consequences for the children's entire lives. Experience has shown that parents who ,raised their children with strict discipline and without compromise generally saw sons and daughters who strayed from the path and rejected everything sacred and dear to their parents. This also result due to emotional distance between children and parents, and the lack of parental involvement in their children's lives. A child of our generation cannot identify with someone who educates them harshly. One who deals with his children moderately and gently, with patience and understanding, merits a more positive relationship with them, so that even as they mature, he can find ways to their hearts to influence them positively to grow in good qualities.

Parents must act wisely and carefully in educating their sons and daughters, and pray to Hashem to guide them on the right path, to merit seeing satisfaction from their children. A mother also has an obligation to plead before Hashem that they merit to raise their children with Torah and fear of Heaven, so that all who see them will recognize that they are blessed by Hashem.

Rulings of Rabbi Ovadia Yosef courtesy of "Daily Halacha" website

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