"A Thousand for Me, and a Thousand to Pay Someone to Fly Instead of Me": A Glimpse into Jewish Humor

Two beggars sat near a Catholic church in Ireland. "Give money to a poor Jew..." requested the first. "Give money to a poor Christian..." mumbled the second. Passersby showered coins on the second while the first's cup remained empty. One of the Christians approached the first beggar and said: "There is no point in sitting here; no one here will give charity to a Jew. Go and sit by your synagogue..." The Jew looked at the second beggar with an amused expression and said, "You hear that, Moishe? He's teaching us how to do business!"

In this joke, Jews are portrayed as cunning and crafty. Does it sound antisemitic? Not when the joke teller is Jewish.

Many jokes about Jewish cunning, Jewish nerve, Jewish foolishness, etc., which would sound harsh from a non-Jew, bring a smile to Jewish faces when told by one of us.

Many have tried to define "Jewish humor," but its precise definition has yet to be recorded.

Generally, one could say that its primary characteristic is that if you told these jokes about two Swiss, Turks, French, or any other nation - they would seem forced. It would be clear that their natural setting is with Jews because the joke emanates the Jewish way of life.

In this article, we will present jokes with that elusive scent.

A common feature is the sharp mind used to calculations (thanks to thousands of years of study):

A Russian Jew from Odessa received a permit to visit Moscow. He boarded the train and sat beside a young man. The Jew looked at the young man and thought: This young man doesn't look like a farmer. If he's not a farmer, he likely comes from our district. If he's from this district, he must be Jewish since, as everyone knows, it's a Jewish area. On the other hand, if he's Jewish, where could he be going? I'm the only one in the district who got permission to enter Moscow... Wait – close to Moscow is a small village called Samowet, and for that, no special permission is needed. But why would he go to Samowet? He's probably going to visit one of the Jewish families there. There are only two Jewish families in Samowet - the Oyshtains and the Steinbergs. The Oyshtains are not a likable family, so he must be going to visit the Steinbergs. But why is he going? The Steinbergs have only daughters; he's probably their son-in-law. I know the husbands of the older two, so he must be married to the youngest. I've heard his name is Alexander Kagan. Wait, if he's coming from Budapest, a city full of antisemites, he probably changed his name. What's the Hungarian equivalent for Kagan? Kovach! But if he changed his name, it's clear he has a special status. What could it be? Probably a doctorate from the university! At this point, the scholar turned to the young man and said: "How are you, Dr. Kovach?". "Thank Hashem, very well, thank you," answered the traveler, "but how do you know my name?". "Well," answered the Jew, "it's obvious."

Our customs, undoubtedly the main factor in our unique identity:

A Jew came to the synagogue and wanted to say the "Hagomel" blessing.

"Why?" everyone asked.

"A miracle happened to me!" he replied and explained: "I saw my wife going to the river to wash my clothes. She dipped the clothes in the water, then scrubbed them hard with soap, dipped them again, took them out, and squeezed them firmly several times. Then she hung my clothes on the line to dry for a few hours, and finally ironed them with high heat!"

"Well...", the listeners were intrigued.

"A miracle!" he cried. "It was a miracle that I wasn't inside those clothes!"

The business talent (which has succeeded in being so disliked by the whole world):

Scientists were looking for a volunteer to agree to travel in a spaceship to space. They asked an Arab: "What would you like us to give you to volunteer?". The Arab replied: "Ten shekels to buy a pack of cigarettes." They asked a Russian: "And what would you like to agree to fly?". The Russian replied: "Two rubles for a bottle of vodka." They asked a Jew: "And what would you want to fly to space?". "Two thousand dollars," replied the Jew, explaining: "A thousand for me, and a thousand to pay someone to fly instead of me."

And of course, the encounter with Ivan/Stephen/Peter the gentile neighbor:

A Jew boarded a train and saw no vacant seats. He turned to a gentile sitting with a backpack in front of him: "Could you please hold the backpack so I can sit?" he asked. "No!" replied the gentile, "this is my friend's backpack; he stepped off to the platform briefly... he'll be back soon to sit here, so you can't sit...". Seeing the amused looks of the other passengers, the Jew guessed that the gentile was lying, but he said nothing and remained standing. The moment the train started moving, the Jew grabbed the backpack and quickly threw it out the window onto the platform. "Good thing I made it!" he said to the reddening gentile, "Your friend didn't make it back on the train... poor guy, would've lost his backpack too?"

Humor releases and serves as an outlet because it allows the channeling of difficult feelings and annoying emotions. It provides a brief respite to rise above the stressful situation and observe it from "above". One could say that the joke acts as a tiny psychological treatment, as it "draws" a person out of personal difficulties, offering broader perspective and thereby releasing and curing inner distress.

Jewish jokes reflect the spirit of the times and give us a magical glimpse into the Jewish way of life throughout the ages.

Throughout the exile, Jews suffered from foreign rule, which often oppressed them, and from antisemitism.

It's interesting to see that instead of succumbing and falling into despair, the Jew used the wit and unique thinking they possessed, finding the comical or ironic points in the grim situation, which strengthened and pushed them to cope with the difficulties in good spirits.

Over the years, Jewish humor became sharper because the decrees became harsher, and Jews had to use humor armor as a defense against foreign arrows.

Jewish humor is essentially a form of self-humor, and the characteristics of both - are identical.

Being locked within themselves, laughter with and at themselves became a protective shield.

Humor serves as an armor for several reasons:

1. Defense mechanism: Joking about frightening things eases fear a bit; joking about oneself essentially says: "You can stop attacking me, I'm doing it well myself...
2. Humor allows a release, albeit briefly, from the shackles of rational thinking, permitting one to enjoy word/meaning distortions and bypass the rules of logic.
3. Humor is a refined expression of subjects usually feared to touch.
4. Humor allows us to "attack" without being "punished" (it is only a joke...).
5. Humor connects and unites those making the joke, contributing to strengthening their relationships.

Defense mechanism ("The harsh reality cannot be changed," says the Jewish mind. "What can be changed is the attitude toward that reality"):

During the communist regime, a Jew in Moscow was awakened by knocks on the door at four in the morning. "Who is it?" he asked shakily.

"The postman," a voice replied from outside.

The man opened the door and saw two KGB agents.

"Are you Kagan?" asked one.

"Yes," Kagan replied.

"Did you file a request to emigrate to Israel?"

"Um... yes."

"Isn't there enough food here?"

"There is, plenty!"

"Are your children not receiving our excellent communist education?"

"They are. It's the best education!"

"Then why do you want to leave Russia?" they shouted.

"Because I don't want to live where they deliver mail at four in the morning," replied Kagan.

Release from the bonds of logic (reality cannot be changed, but one can dream of a change...):

During the Holocaust, a Viennese Jew entered a travel agency and said to the agent: "I want a ship ticket."

"To where?" asked the agent.

"To where?" the Jew hesitated, "Let me look at the globe."

The Jew turned the globe several times, examining each country, then turned to the agent and asked: "Do you have another globe?"

Sensitive or frightening topics (such as: the gentile who seems like a loyal friend until he touches the booze...):

Alcohol and antisemitism don't mix. A drop of alcohol goes in - and all the antisemitism comes out.

To attack without retribution ("Honestly... I was just joking, this jest doesn't reflect how I view reality..."):

Three prisoners sit in a Russian prison. The guard asks the first: "What were you imprisoned for?"

He replies: "For hitting a Jew named Klemnovich."

The guard turns to the second and asks: "And what were you imprisoned for?"

The second replies: "I tried to defend that Klemnovich."

The guard turns to the third prisoner and asks: "And why are you here?"

The third replies: "I am Klemnovich."

Jewish humor connects us and reminds us exactly who we are:

Two chassidim from London came to visit Paris wearing kapotas and shtreimels. Everywhere they turned, passersby looked at them curiously. "Look at these Frenchmen, Yossel," said one to his friend, "They've never seen an Englishman...".

Another aspect introduced by the diaspora into Jewish humor is irony. In many Jewish jokes, irony plays a significant role:

A Jew was brought to trial in Russia. The prosecution claimed that the defendant said the emperor was foolish.

"Indeed, so," admitted the Jew, "but I meant the German emperor."

"You lie," the police chief said, "We know very well which emperor is foolish!"

***

An Israeli family travels abroad. When they reach Canada, the child asks: "Is everyone here Jewish?" "No," the parents reply, "This is a Christian country." When they get to Switzerland, the child asks again: "Is everyone here Jewish?" "No," the parents reply, "Christians." When they arrive in England, the child asks the same question again and receives the same answer. "Poor Christians," says the child, "How scattered they are all over the world...".

And let's conclude with a passage from Taanit 22, describing Rabbi Beroka who met Eliyahu the Prophet in the market and asked if any of the passersby were destined for the world to come. Eliyahu pointed to two individuals. Rabbi Beroka approached them to learn from their actions, and they replied, "We are jesters who cheer the saddened, moving from place to place attempting to amuse and uplift the downtrodden."

The article is from the book "Humor is a Serious Matter," by L. Rotem.