"When Mom Saw I Cut My Pe'ot, She Shouted 'Blessed Be the True Judge' and Tore Her Garments"

Background:

Avraham Nagar, 78, was born in Sana'a, Yemen, and was orphaned from his father at age 3. Two years later, his mother remarried but did not have more children. When he was 8, his family began their journey to Israel. They walked for three weeks to Aden, where they stayed in a camp under terrible conditions. When they finally arrived in Israel, the family was housed in tents, at the Sha'ar Menashe immigrant camp, and later moved to a camp in Yavne'el. Only after six years did Avraham's family purchase a real home in Yehud, where he resides today.

A Childhood Memory:

"I remember the time after we arrived in Israel, spending 11 months at Sha'ar Menashe tent camp. The gap between tents was half a meter, offering no privacy. It was very hard. We then moved to Yavne'el, living in wooden and canvas shacks, frequently visited by mice. We lived there for 6 years without electricity; my mother would cook on a kerosene stove, and we'd heat water for showers with a 'primus'. At night, we'd light candles, and at some point, we got a refrigerator in which we kept blocks of ice that lasted until noon on Shabbat. My father worked in agriculture, initially in Yavne'el and later in Degania, but since I was an only child, he was allowed to work only ten days a month. Despite the hardships, he was joyous on these days, grateful for the privilege to come to Israel. With all the difficulties, we lived happy lives, 'with tears in our eyes and a joyous heart.' My mother also worked long hours, teaching me to cook so I might prepare my own meals. By age 14, I could cook well, and after my wife died, I started cooking for myself and my grandchildren, who enjoyed my delicious meals. As a child, once I mistakenly put soap instead of oil in the food, of course, I had to throw it and start over. This was life at the beginning of our stay in Israel, and after those six tough years in the camp, we moved to a house in Yehud. My father chose to live there because it was sunny and warm, more than Yavne'el."

A Significant Event That Left an Impression:

"The loneliness. I grew up without siblings, and my parents worked hard to make a living, returning home only in the evening. Although I had friends in the camp, they mostly played with their brothers, while I was left alone. Books were my only siblings. As an elementary school student, I would borrow books from the library weekly, and due to my love for reading, I would stand and read outside by the streetlight in the evenings. Despite this, the loneliness was hard for me, and I would have been very happy to have more siblings.

"Another thing that touched me deeply was the Yemenite Children Affair. One of my neighbors today is one of those children. A nurse gave her anesthesia, and she slept for two days. After she woke up, she was hospitalized, and the next day her parents were told that their daughter had died. When her father requested to bury her, they told him they had already buried her. He said 'Blessed Be the True Judge' and even thanked them for helping with the burial. Such innocence was among Yemenites, that he didn't even think to question it. Two weeks later, her older brother happened to be in North Tel Aviv for reasons he can't remember. He was walking on the street when suddenly he heard his younger sister calling him from a kindergarten. At first, he was shocked but quickly recovered, jumped over the fence, and took her. The girl told her parents that an elderly couple took her and gave her toys. Of course, the parents were thrilled to see her, but unfortunately, nobody thought to file a complaint or ask for an investigation back then. It was only years later that there was an outcry, by which time it was too late."

"Another story I remember is about a girl who wanted to marry a Yemenite boy. She was dark-skinned, and her parents were fair-skinned. When they saw her fiancé, they strongly opposed the marriage. In contrast, when the girl visited the boy's family home, his mother couldn’t take her eyes off her. The dark-skinned bride captivated her. This situation led to the discovery that the girl was adopted, and after tests, it was revealed that she was the boy’s sister."

The Happiest Achievements of My Life:

"I'm happiest for having gotten married. When I was already 23, my mother cried about my not being married yet, as marriages in Yemen typically happened much earlier. After meeting my wife and seeing her modesty and good character, I decided she'd be my wife. Later, it was fulfilled in me as written about Isaac our forefather, 'Isaac brought her into the tent and loved her,' as her good traits led to a loving and special relationship. Even when she was 70, she was special to me as she was at 18, because of her extraordinary character. We had a very good life together.

"I'm also happy that we made Aliyah to Israel. Many here have strayed from the path of the Torah, which is very sad, but it seems that in Yemen our situation would've been no better. Yemen remained primitive as before, and in my time, people didn’t remain sick for long; they either healed quickly or died because there were few medicines to treat various conditions. I remember how as a child, when my stomach hurt, my mother would tie my arm so it hurt more and distract me from the stomach pain. There was no real way to heal, so that’s what they did. Another healing method involved placing a red-hot iron piece on the aching area. Only specific people knew how to do this. It left a scar but truly helped heal some ailments. I personally saw a man here in Israel with terrible leg pain, who was going to have it amputated when doctors recommended it. To his fortune, he met someone skilled in hot iron treatment, and a week later, coupled with a special plant wrapped around it afterward, the leg healed entirely and didn’t require amputation. Beyond this healing method, there was little advancement in Yemen, so I'm very happy we made Aliyah and live here."

A Person Who Left a Strong Impression on Me:

"My teacher, Dov Zusman, who taught me from first through sixth grade. I've never seen a teacher like him, with great love and dedication to the students. In our class, we had children from various backgrounds, and often we'd organize to prepare meals together, each child bringing some food. For those who had none, the teacher would provide it himself, knowing their difficult living conditions. When I moved from the school in Yavne'el to Yehud at the end of sixth grade, they tested me and saw I fit for eighth grade. This was because of the excellent teaching by Dov, despite having students of different ages in his class."

What Changed After Turning 70:

"The isolation. My wife passed away five years ago, and being alone is tough. Initially, I managed on my own—I was cooking and cleaning the house—but at some point, I couldn’t do it anymore, and now I have help. However, the main hardship is having no one to talk to. Although my mother always said that the best words are those less spoken, there's still a need for conversation with others."

Changes Around Me After Turning 70:

"I maintain a close relationship with my children and grandchildren, but ultimately, everyone is busy with their own lives. I have a son living abroad who calls me every evening. Despite the physical distance, our conversations make me feel very close to him. However, when my granddaughter asked how I manage, I told her that I have one good friend—the Torah. I try to engage with it as much as I can, as it gives me strength and vitality to continue."

From My Experience, the Most Important Thing in Life is...

"Family and the Torah. I'm very grateful for having a wife, children, and grandchildren, who are my main life's achievement. Regarding the Torah, my father, a learned man, used to read a chapter every night before sleeping, and so I learned to do the same. As a boy, I loved the stories of the Bible, reading them daily, and after finishing, I started again. Later, as a teenager, I began following my peers and strayed from this path. When I was 15, I decided to cut my pe'ot, and when my mother saw this, she screamed 'Blessed Be the True Judge' and tore her garments. She asked if I was ashamed of them, feeling intense pain over my distancing from religious observance. At the same time, my father took me aside and, despite my choice to cut the pe'ot, asked me not to abandon everything. He asked me not to stop laying tefillin and keeping other commandments, and indeed, I remained connected and completely returned when I got married. I stayed clean-shaven for years, but eventually, that changed too. At 45, I decided to grow my beard and pe'ot again. Initially, I told my family it was just for a photo with 'signs', but since then, they've remained. At one point, I asked my wife if she wished for me to remove them, but she said no; the habit of seeing me that way had taken hold."

What I'd Like to Pass on to Future Generations:

"To maintain Judaism, as it is most important for us. Another thing I wish to continue teaching is the tradition of reading in the Yemenite manner. When I retired, I began teaching children to read in the Yemenite accent for their Bar Mitzvah, along with other traditions related to Yemenite heritage. Even my daughter, who is now an adult, reads the Torah incredibly in this dialect. However, today parents are less interested in teaching the full portion and settle for just the Haftarah for their son's Bar Mitzvah. I've met many who later regretted not learning this in their youth, and I think it is truly a missed opportunity. I would be happy if more people continued learning this tradition."

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