Jewish Law
Q&A on Honoring Parents
Is it permissible to correct a father who speaks during prayer? How should one respond to a mother who threatens not to attend a wedding with gender separation? How can one assist a mother's soul after her passing?
Hello, Rabbi. I am a 19 and a half year old girl. My father and brothers are religious, but my mother has an aversion to religion. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 9 months, and we are talking about marriage. But my mother is not interested in even hearing about gender separation at the wedding, or about me wearing a head covering, etc. She claims that I am too young to get married, and that she will not attend my wedding if there is gender separation. I want my mother to be at my wedding, God willing, but I also want to observe halacha. How should I proceed?
Hello and blessings. There is certainly no room to compromise on head covering, even if your mother is not pleased. The main thing to keep in mind is that the Creator of the world is pleased with you. Regarding separation, try to insist on complete separation, and as the wedding approaches, if your mother still persists in her refusal to attend the wedding, there may be room to compromise on separation during the meal only. However, separation during the dancing, should most certainly not be negotiable.
Our experience shows that parents who threaten not to attend a child's wedding, for example, show more flexibility when they see their child's determination, and eventually accept the fact that their child has chosen a different path. I would be happy to hear about a wedding soon, despite all the difficulties around it.
Hello Rabbi. I am in the USA and observe Shabbat. I wanted to know if I can speak to my parents after Shabbat has started in Israel. My parents do not observe Shabbat.
Hello and blessings. It is forbidden to desecrate Shabbat out of respect for parents. While Shabbat may be over for you, calling them while it is still Shabbat for them, will cause them to sin.
Hello, Rabbi: if there is a father who observes Torah and mitzvot but does not set aside time for Torah study, is the son correct to tell him to set aside time? If the father talks during prayer, is it advisable to correct him even though it is known that he may get angry?
Hello and blessings. It is forbidden for a son to rebuke his father directly, but only indirectly, by sharing words of Torah on the subject and the like.
Hello, Rabbi. I prefer to celebrate the upcoming Rosh Hashanah at my home, with my husband and children. However, my mother would like the extended family to be at her place. I definitely want to be with them, but it becomes uncomfortable for reasons of kashrut as we would need to prepare our own food. Also, when reading the Haggadah on Passover for example, some family members are unable to participate.
Hello and blessings. On Rosh Hashanah, there are no special reading requirements, and the symbolic foods that are customarily eaten are not obligatory. Therefore, there is no reason to worry that you may not do things properly. In the synagogue, you will pray as usual as you wish, and at home, while it may be less comfortable for you to eat your own food, it is a great merit for you on the Day of Judgment to make an effort for the honor of your mother, and it is not worth giving up such a precious mitzvah on Rosh Hashanah. This merit will certainly stand in your favor for a good year, for a good inscription and sealing, and for success in all your affairs.
Respected Rabbi, my mother passed away after severe suffering. My sister and I took care of her and were by her side until she surrendered her soul to the Creator. The separation is so difficult, what can we do to make it easier?
Hello. Performing actions for the elevation of her soul, as well as perpetuating her name in this world, will give you a feeling of connection to her even after her passing, beyond the fact that this will, of course, greatly benefit her status in the World to Come. The children of the deceased are the representatives of the soul in this world, and she needs their help in the World to Come. May you be comforted with the consolation of Zion.
(The answers were given by Rabbi Menashe Israel and Rabbi Benjamin Shmueili, collected and edited from the Q&A section on the Hidabroot website)
