"Children Need Active Love": An Intriguing Interview with Emotional Therapist Mordechai Roth

Anxiety, depression, obsessions, and mental distress – emotional therapist Mordechai (Moti) Roth touches on heated issues in the therapeutic world. With his unique approach and humility, he embraces pain, loneliness, and storms, looks them in the eye, and creates music inspired by them. In his work, Roth provides a shoulder to the troubles of youth, but not only: "Youth needs love. When I talk to them, I don't preach about repentance, I don't discuss faith - we play and sing. Music has a healing element, it draws closer and strengthens. The melodies can touch the soul and soften the blows that the mind endures."

Roth is also a respected musical creator who has collaborated with creators Adi Ran, Eliezer Botzer, and Yuval Sela. Besides, he co-authored five books with renowned Charedi writer Chaim Walder. "Chaim is a wizard in children's education," says Roth. "We think alike and fit like a glove. Beyond that, we are good friends. We would sit for hours on books, thinking about how to develop topics. With all his tremendous resume, he sits with you in simplicity and modesty, as if we've known each other for decades. Chaim is one of a kind. I was influenced by him and got inspired by his educational path. He is a unique person."

With Chaim Walder (Photo: Private Album)

"There is something we both share," says Walder this week, "we both do not come from the world of literature but from the world of education. Moti studied and is involved in emotional therapy, ideas sprang from there. My writing in 'Children Tell About Themselves' also started from the world of education. From being a teacher, I became a writer. I am the writer and Moti the thinker, and we both contribute. We have a very special creation that deals within the soul through words. Our books deal with empowerment. For example, they give a child who feels anxious a sense of security, a child with low self-esteem - a sense of high self-esteem, and also how to reject bad thoughts and turn them into positive ones."

Parents in the Charedi Sector Have High Awareness of Education

Roth (34) is married and the father of three children. He lives in Bnei Brak and over the years has become an address for Charedi youth, who see him as the right place to pour their hearts and share their distress. He is a graduate of Hasidic yeshivas, and alongside Torah study, he works as an emotional therapist and music creator. His therapy combines different methods. "I combine physical and emotional exercises, thereby providing solutions to youth going through supportive emotional therapy, but also to adults. There are quite a few cases where during the treatment of youth, it turned out that the parents themselves need parental guidance."

Roth manages to create an immediate connection. This might be why people love to pour their hearts and souls in front of him. For him, the choice to engage in emotional therapy was natural. "For years, my wife and I hosted teens for Shabbat meals. We talked, laughed, and sang. I realized that this is the field I want to engage in professionally. When I was in yeshiva, during my teenage years, I started running and also spending time in solitude. At that time, it was not so accepted in the world of yeshivas. I did solitude even before I knew the Breslov technique, simply talking to *Hashem* and feeling relief and clarity of thought."

He later moved to the Mir Yeshiva. "During this period, I began to read volumes of books about the human soul, while practicing calming techniques. Of course, I checked if this was allowed according to Halacha, and understood that as long as there is no idolatry involved, there's no problem with it. This is how I found myself in a routine of Torah learning, reading books about the human soul, and long-distance running. One thing I realized is that the body and soul are intertwined, and when the soul is in pain, it can manifest in the body. There are people who live with a lot of physical pain, and sometimes its source is emotional."

Mordechai Roth and Eliezer Botzer (Photo: Reuven Hyon)

Roth treats adults and teenagers, some defined as 'dropping out of the path,' and others dealing with anxieties and a lot of inner sadness and lack of belief in the good within them. "My main work with them is to do root treatment - heal the wound created as a result of a lack of love from parents and educators and excessive criticism that becomes destructive. The most basic love for a child is expressed in telling him that he is good and accepting him as he is, without conditions and criticism."

"In practice, this means accepting even those things that are difficult for us as parents, things that may stress us. For example, when a child does not get up for prayer, there is no point in preaching morality and criticizing him because then he might develop hatred. If the child constantly hears sentences about how inadequate he is, he develops an internal belief that he is not okay, he loses his most basic anchor – the belief that he is good."

Mordechai Roth hosts Eliezer Botzer - 'Garnischt'. Watch:

Roth clarifies: "At the same time, I believe that loving a child also means setting boundaries correctly. Some parents don't know how to set boundaries, they don't understand the essence of parental authority, so their behavior might be perceived as domineering, and the child, on his part, naturally might resist. When our child experiences a crisis and decides, for instance, that he doesn't want to be religious – it also invites the parent to do introspection, to think 'Where was I too rigid? Do I set limits for my child? Do I love him with love that is healthy and right for him?'"

Children need a protective environment. You cannot abandon them. Allowing children open access to the internet is abandoning them. A child exposed to harmful content is harmed. There's no question about it. In the same breath, I commend the effort of parents trying to bring their children to a better place in life. Usually, they turn to me after realizing they made some mistake along the way. Parents in the Charedi sector have high awareness of proper education and the importance of good company. They know well that negative company may badly influence a child, and vice versa. There are numerous cases where a negative friend managed to drag down a teenager who was an outstanding student. Good company is the key to good children."

(Photo: Reuven Hyon)

What isn't working well in the parent-child relationship?

"Children and parents need to be in a relationship of love and acceptance. One of the things that encourage me is the increasing openness within the Charedi sector regarding the need to address issues. There's less denial and less fear of negative stigmas. In recent years, we are witnessing even more understanding within the Charedi public that different opportunities need to be provided for yeshiva students who need movement to continue studying. When I talk to parents and work with them, I advise them first and foremost not to impose their plans on the child. The child should not be a reflection of his parents’ environment and desires. They need to raise him so that he becomes himself."

People suffer from anxiety, obsessions, and depressions – how did we reach such distress?

"Paradoxically, it is the Western lifestyle and the abundance it offers that causes quite a bit of mental distress, in adults and children. A child grows up in an atmosphere where he can have everything here and now. When he grows up and sees the world does not align with his desires, and he doesn't get what he wants, it can undermine his basic beliefs about the world. The refusal and rejection he encounters create a vacuum and even a crisis. Parents need to know that by denying a child something, they are building within him a mechanism of self-reliance and the ability to cope with negative answers. After all, not everything goes according to our plans."

"Secondly, parents today are very busy and preoccupied. When the parent isn't available to the child, doesn't hug and kiss him, the child withers. Children need active love, which means telling them we love them, hugging, and kissing them. One of the amazing processes I've encountered is that when parents worked to help their child, communication between them improved tremendously, and if there were conflicts, they were resolved."

(Photo: Reuven Hyon)

Does faith serve as a tool to treat and encourage?

"When a person changes their thinking and believes that everything is from *Hashem* and everything is for the best, and no one can do him good or harm him except from *Hashem* - the emotion changes and his response to the situation is different. When a person wants to make a change, he should practice mental change through daily study and reading. A person cannot learn something without practicing it regularly. During the day, there are trials, but if a person believes that *Hashem* runs the world, it is easier for him. People suffer mentally, life is full of challenges, a person cannot live without faith, besides not fulfilling his purpose, he constantly suffers."

Roth assists Charedi and those approaching Judaism with spiritual guidance. "They come with spiritual imbalance. They don't always know how to take that step. Some break from falls or go too far. I explain what balanced spirituality is and that even the righteous face trials. Repentance is an ongoing spiritual process, not a one-time act. Accurate guidance is necessary, or one can break down mentally. By the way, Charedim also need correct guidance."

Roth combines influences from various Jewish streams. He is influenced by Rabbi Menahem Mendel of Vitebsk, Rabbi Asher Freund (*Reb Osher* to his followers), Chabad teachings through *Likutei Moharan*, and even Carlebach. "To be a therapist, one needs a heart. I am an honest person who seeks to see the inner good in the person sitting in front of me and to enhance it. I work on processes of changing thoughts and beliefs, and, *B"H*, I have divine support to influence people to instill the good within them. I discover what internal belief is hidden within the heart, usually negative, and change it. We build strong and good foundations for a strong building that can stand against the world without breaking."

Musical Creator: Working with Eliezer Botzer, Adi Ran, and Yuval Sela

Roth sings and plays the guitar and recently released a fifth single 'Waiting for You.' "The lyrics of the songs come from the encounters with people, some of whom I spiritually support and accompany, but not only. For example, the song with Adi Ran 'Between Falling and Rising' is influenced by Rabbi Nachman of Breslov's teaching on the ups and downs in serving *Hashem*. I can also write a song inspired by a spiritual text that influenced me. The text of the song 'I Am a Jew,' beyond being happy and upbeat, highlights the most comforting point – I am a Jew."

Mordechai Roth and singer Adi Ran – 'Between Falling and Rising'. Watch:

"When I started working with the youth, I decided to create music intensively, writing and composing. Music is a wonderful therapeutic tool. It touches the heart. I sit with the boys or friends, we play guitar and sing – it's a purifying experience of mental cleansing, no less. Personally, I can cry from a song or melody I hear. If the melody manages to touch the heart, it pierces the pain, and it melts away. I've seen countless cases where songs became a tool for reflection and closeness to the Creator."

How was the work with Adi on the song 'Between Falling and Rising'?

"Adi Ran is a person it's fun to be around, he's full of humor and exudes Breslov teachings. Working with him was very fun, he radiates joy. He came to the studio with no pretenses, sang, and laughed. You have to appreciate musicians like him."

Mordechai Roth and Adi Ran (Photo: Reuven Hyon)

With Eliezer Botzer, you released the song 'Garnischt' – how was the work with a creator like him?

"The song talks about faith. Working with him is amazing. He creates like an ever-flowing spring. He is an inexhaustible source of creation. In my eyes, he is simply a musical genius. I appreciate people like him."

You hosted Yuval Sela in the song 'Don't Give Up' – how was the collaboration?

"Working with Yuval Sela was amazing, he has a beautiful voice, and he composes for the greatest musicians. For him, music is perfection; he strives for it to be flawless, there are no mistakes with him. Music is true art for him."

What do you think about the music scene in the Charedi world?

"In the Charedi public, albums and singles are released at a crazy pace. People want to express emotions and it's positive and good. This didn't exist before, it's a statement of people expressing a cry of the soul and spirit."

Are you on the way to an album?

"*B"H* it's in the works. Another song is on its way, talking about the connection between and within sectors. One of the messages I want to convey is - do not judge your fellow until you are in his place. There are many reasons to judge others favorably, *Hashem* led him to the situation he is in, and maybe if you were in his place, you would act like him."

Mordechai Roth hosts singer Yuval Sela – 'Don't Give Up'. Watch: