Mindy Gross: "It Was Worth Having Children, Despite the Illness I Developed as a Result"

Mindy Gross was a young, happy woman convinced that her home would soon be filled with naturally born children. However, when the long-awaited pregnancy never happened, the feelings were not easy. "We visited many doctors, and no one could explain the reason," she recalls. "It was five difficult years filled with much sorrow and pain. The hardest times were seeing all the children in costumes during Purim or walking to the synagogue during festivals, holding their mother's hand."

After what felt like eternity, the joyous news finally came: a pregnancy. Mindy enjoyed ten weeks of happy thoughts until she had her first miscarriage. "I experienced five more miscarriages, all in the third month. We consulted various doctors and experts, but no one found the problem or solution," Mindy describes. "Initially, I was optimistic, telling myself that we had at least broken the barrier of not conceiving at all. But as it happened repeatedly, my body was broken, and feelings of despair rose, wondering if I'd ever become a mother."

The Children Arrived, Along with the Illness

After the sixth miscarriage, debating which hospital to go to for another procedure, a neighbor visited with an article. "She brought me an article about a doctor who introduced a novel treatment from England," Mindy recalls. "After seven and a half childless years and multiple miscarriages, I felt there was nothing more to try. I crumpled the paper and threw it away." A few hours later, Mindy reconsidered, retrieved the article, and decided to contact the highlighted doctor. "I discovered a charming, compassionate, and highly professional doctor who told me that for the next attempt, I could receive his offered treatment."

(Photo: shutterstock)

This advanced treatment involved injecting antibodies into Mindy's bloodstream, allowing her body to recognize the fetus as a separate entity, addressing an allergy-like response that caused the miscarriages. The treatment worked, and Mindy finally embraced her children. "The first pregnancy began, and our son Yehoshua Yitzchak was born, named because Hashem saved us, and we could finally laugh again. Nechama was born next, comforting us, and later Moshe, also named for the salvation Hashem sent us. Though the children were preemies, with their own concerns and prayers, everything turned out alright."

Yet, the story is far from over. Some months after the first birth, Mindy began showing diverse symptoms: blue skin spots, rashes, numbness, severe joint pain, weakness, and more. Tests revealed she had "systemic vasculitis," a chronic illness affecting blood vessels and, in turn, various body systems. "The fertility treatment caused changes in my immune system, potentially triggering the disease," Mindy explains.

She has lived with the disease for 31 years. "I experience symptoms daily. Occasionally, the pain is so severe that I can't sleep, or my hand suddenly stops functioning. There are quieter periods, but stress often aggravates the disease." Yet, she never regrets the treatment that allowed her to have children. "Each of my precious children is a world full of light, giving me strength. This purpose of being a mother fills me with endless joy and happiness, making it all worthwhile. I've been through much since—divorce, health struggles—but infertility was the hardest, and I thank Hashem for freeing me from it."

31 Years of Illness

Since then, Mindy has bravely faced her trials. "I've consulted many doctors, incorporated natural healing and deep mental work, received blessings from rabbis, and prayed at the graves of tzadikim. Along the way, I've truly observed some points of light. For example, this illness often leads to kidney failure, yet after 30 years, my kidneys still function correctly. Additionally, my pain and suffering have somewhat decreased through various treatments," Mindy says.

(Photo: shutterstock)

"Dealing with the illness is daily," she continues, "and each time, I must find ways to live with it. I work full-time, occasionally traveling abroad for my job, and when my body stops functioning, I need to navigate my life and work carefully. It's a significant challenge because enduring pain and difficulties is not easy, and not every day brings the strength to start anew."

Another difficulty Mindy highlights is the sense of loneliness accompanying her condition. "People see me functioning and don’t know what I went through the day before or how much pain I feel now. Chronic illness is often undiscussed, leading to feelings of isolation. Sometimes, even close family is unaware of how much I need help because my struggles are not visible."

Nevertheless, she manages to lift her head above challenges and move forward. "One must avoid faltering due to hard days and focus more on the joy and light present most of the time. Dark times existed in my life due to the illness, but inwardly, I refused to succumb to despair or depression. I chose to rejoice in what I have and see a positive future. I have a great love for life, much optimism, a loving family, and that motivates me to rise and continue living."

Mindy likens her life to a unique tapestry. "When standing very close, you only see a tiny spot or even darkness. But from a broader view, the beauty and range of colors become apparent," she says. "In my life's tapestry, with all its challenges, I am also a mother, grandmother, business owner, Torah student, and even a teacher."

Having returned to faith as a young woman and bringing her entire family closer to Judaism, Mindy speaks from her heart to women undergoing fertility treatments. "The journey to bringing children into the world is not always easy. It's the journey our foremothers underwent, which we inherited from them genetically," she says. "The challenge is to find those immense mental strengths that help us continue forward and eventually see the light. I received a difficult illness, but along with it came the noise of children, their cries, laundry, and chaos, whereas beforehand, there was a terrible emptiness."

Caring for her grandchildren brings tears to Mindy's eyes. "I remember the time when my children were their ages," she says, "post-divorce, starting my business, and dealing with the illness. I wonder how I managed all the challenges, and the only answer is that Hashem gave me strength."

"I've come to understand that I'm not the one managing my life, but rather Hashem is shaping and deciding them. Although I don't understand and it hurts, remaining stuck in anger or bitterness serves no purpose. I need to step forward and explore what life truly opens up for me," Mindy concludes.

Considering an abortion? Know someone at a crossroads?

Dear mother, we are here at the EMMA department of Hidabroot to help you. Give your child another chance, don't end their life.

Contact EMMA department – Free support, advice, and guidance for women to prevent abortions: Tel. 073-2221333, Mobile 052-9551591. Email kalina@htv.co.il