Rabbi Eliyahu Meirav on the Spread of Rumors: "We Have a Heart; It Hurts Us When We Are Dishonored"

"The divine presence was on Yosef's face, they were completely serene," Rabbi Eliyahu Meirav, the adoptive father of the late soldier Sergeant Yosef (Yossi) Cohen, describes the final moments of farewell. Cohen was murdered two weeks ago on a Thursday, in the shooting attack near Givat Asaf, which also claimed the life of Sergeant Yuval Mor-Yosef. After the family got up from the shiva, Rabbi Meirav recounts, "We dreamt about him this past Shabbat. He was happy and danced, and he kissed everyone." Unintentionally, Meirav became a symbol bridging the gap between secular and ultra-Orthodox Jews. Even now, he conveys a message of unity: "Dear brothers, we must accept those who are different from us - if we want to draw closer, it is only through dialogue."

Yosef Cohen was born 19 and a half years ago in Bnei Brak to Rabbi Eitan Cohen and his wife Edel, both newly religious Breslov Hasidim. His father passed away five years ago from a serious illness at the age of 64. He was a well-known figure in the ultra-Orthodox street of Bnei Brak, partly because he used to charge low fees for large families. After his father's death, his mother married Rabbi Meirav, also a newly religious Breslov Hasid, who was widowed from his wife Hanna. He is originally from Kibbutz Beit Alpha of the Hashomer Hatzair and graduated from a flight course, returning to religion after the Yom Kippur War. Over the years, he served as the head of the council of the ultra-Orthodox settlement Emmanuel in Samaria. Currently, he studies Torah and gives lessons.

During the shiva, thousands of comforters visited their home. Rabbi Meirav: "We emerged stronger from the shiva, with completely new insights that even dulled the great pain. A tremendous stream of visitors and comforters came to us, significantly reducing the pain of the loss. My wife said the same thing. The shiva did us much good. During these days, my wife is recovering, we are all on the path to recovery, rising from the ashes."

A Child with a Holy Soul

Yosef served as a lone soldier in the "Netzah Yehuda" battalion (Haredi Nahal) of the Kfir Brigade, living in military housing for lone soldiers. "Yosef was a modest boy, his greatness and beauty are, unfortunately, only being revealed now," says Rabbi Meirav. "In his physical life, he was a child full of giving, love, and boundless kindness. A very gentle child with the soul of an artist, a creative soul. He was not bossy. You can see his gentleness even in photos. He taught himself to play music. He had absolute pitch. He practically played every instrument; he even played Chopin. A quiet and introverted child. He had a holy soul."

Yosef Cohen הי''ד (Photo: IDF Spokesperson)

"After his father's passing, it was very difficult for him," say acquaintances. "He transferred to a yeshiva that combined studies and professional training, but it was also hard for him there. He moved to another yeshiva, but he didn't find his place there either." At 18, he decided to enlist in the army. Rabbi Meirav: "We certainly understand that the occupation of every Jew is prayer and Torah study, for those who can. Yosef did not find himself in other frameworks. In Netzah Yehuda, he reached the highest degree among the Jewish people – dying for the sanctification of Hashem. We believe that people die when Hashem wants them to die. And so, at the last moment, a Jew merits to die for the sanctification of Hashem. The service built him mentally and personally. Yosef wanted to be a dentist like his father, Eitan Cohen, my wife's first husband, who was an excellent physician. After enlisting and the positive change that occurred in him, I saw that it was possible, that now it could happen – he could become a dentist like his father. Before then, it seemed completely out of reach."

"Mom, Know That I Keep Torah and Mitzvot"

Two weeks prior was Yosef's last Shabbat at home. "We had a long-standing tradition to say thank you at the Shabbat meal – everyone says thanks, that is our table Torah. It goes around the table. On the last Shabbat, Yosef dropped a bombshell when he said: 'I thank Hashem for the merit to protect the people of Israel.' In retrospect, it was like a prophecy. On Monday, three days before the event, I saw him, he came to say goodbye, he told his mother: 'Know that I, b"h, strictly keep Torah and mitzvot completely, there is no fault.'"

During the shiva, the family had to deal with painful rumors. One was that his mother, allegedly, sat shiva for her son when he enlisted in the Haredi Nahal, and that he was a lone soldier due to alleged family estrangement. Before this, there was a discussion about his funeral, given the parents' decision to bury him in a civilian-religious ceremony in the Breslov section on the Mount of Olives, and not to have a military funeral and to bury him in the military section.

Rabbi Meirav clarifies: "Factually, he was a lone soldier, to avoid any doubt I say Yosef was the least lonely soldier. The reason he decided to be a lone soldier is because we lived in Beit Shemesh, and Yossi did not want to show up there in uniform. He was uncomfortable walking around in a uniform. He did not want it to affect his sisters' matchmaking. His idea was to come home in civilian clothes. That's the only reason he chose to be a lone soldier. Regarding the funeral – we decided to bury him on the Mount of Olives because my first wife, Hanna z"l, is buried there, and also my son-in-law, Rabbi Meir Hai, is buried there. We wanted him to be buried next to them, that’s all. My wife and I also want to buy a plot there. We believe anyone who dies for the defense of their land is supremely holy. Technically and personally, it was the most correct thing to bury him there."

"I admit it hurt me to hear those things. Nonetheless, I am not too upset, but it hurt us. We have a heart, and it hurts us when we are dishonored. I won’t act superior and say it doesn't affect me. It certainly does. Unfortunately, I still haven't reached the level where dishonor and honor are equal to me. But we will achieve this with work. However, we didn’t have time to deal too much with these rumors."

A Symbol of Coexistence

Rabbi Meirav's talks about the need for unity quickly made him a kind of symbol for secular-religious coexistence. "We sent him with a profound sense of mission because we believe we must all work together to help and give; that's how we grew up," he said last week in various media interviews. "These are eternal values of love for humanity and fellowship, no politics will move that. It's a shame that bereavement connects us. Maybe one day, we'll merit to be connected through love?"

"I served in the IDF and returned to religion after the Yom Kippur War. I am Israeli; I am a product of a crisis in secular Israeli society."

"I understand everyone needs to live by their faith and values, but mutual respect must be maintained, we must put an end to this hatred, we cannot live like this. We cannot build a home and a country this way. Beyond all arguments, why meet in mourning and only then say 'we are brothers'? Let's meet at joys. We believe the people of Israel are one; we all must work together to help and give, those are eternal values of love for humanity. It's a shame that bereavement connects us, maybe one day love will connect us?"

This week, he says, "Although I am not updated with the news, I’ve heard about it. In the grace of heaven, I was granted words that touched many people's hearts. Those were words that came from the heart and entered the heart. I bear no hatred towards those who said we sat shiva for Yossi when he enlisted. In the shiva, after Yossi's passing, thousands of people came. It was a wonder. One day, a relatively old Jew came, we cried and embraced, I thought he was a bereaved father. It turned out he was a Jew who came specifically to console. This nation is extraordinary. It unified the people. I thought maybe thanks to Yosef, whose mother says his name consists of the letters for 'reconciliation', we’ll merit looking at each other with a good eye, and not break or defame each other. We can’t go on like this. This must change."

Currently, the Meirav family resides in a Haredi neighborhood in Jerusalem, having moved from Beit Shemesh. "I established a yeshiva high school near Beit Shemesh, and today my sons run it, I returned more to learn and teach. Approaching the age of 70, it’s time to return to the essence. I am not interested in a public role. I deliver lessons throughout the country in the teachings of Rabbi Nachman and disciples of the Ba'al Shem Tov, I love it and rejoice in it."

How do you explain the complex relations within our society?

"The root of all things is that a person does not do personal work to change. People are busy with the distractions of livelihood, there is distraction from the essence. Everyone, in their place, needs to seek to do spiritual work leading them to a better place. After all, everyone is mired in the desire for food or various obsessions, everyone. We do not understand that the main thing Hashem wants from us in the 120 years He gave us here is to emerge from our place. Great moralists say it's easier to complete the Talmud than to change one trait. Today there are many spiritual methods, even among secular people, meant to take a person out of their comfort zone and change, to exit procrastination or compulsivity. There is much spiritual work. Time is precious. We live in complete distraction and this is the root of the problem. There are these flashes, it’s like a person walking in a dark forest, suddenly there’s lightning, so he sees his way, but then there’s sudden darkness and cold. If a person does not start working with themselves - nothing will happen. There is a certain catch-22. On one hand, we all wait for the Messiah, son of David, to come and redeem us, on the other hand, the son of David will not come until we do repentance, so where do we start? Everyone needs to start from where they are, from the minimum. We need to search for how to change. It's not possible for a person to wallow in their own quicksand, and then ask what is happening here? Everyone must make a step to change, that is the work."

"Rabbi Nachman of Breslov says to everyone - talk to Hashem, pause the rush and have a half-hour to an hour session with Hashem, and speak in your language. In your words. Create a connection. This provides all the strength. Afterwards, one learns Torah differently, prays differently. Then, when you see life can stop in a moment – there are tools to cope. We believe and know that the soul lives forever, physical reality is transient."

Rabbi Meirav has a message of reconciliation for the people of Israel: "Dear brothers, we must know how to accept the other, the different as they are. If you want to change them, try to bring them closer to your view with pleasantness and dialogue. The only way is through dialogue and trying to understand the other and their place, and do not judge the other until you arrive at their place. Most importantly, we must uproot baseless hatred from our hearts. This is what caused the destruction of the Temple, and it stops the Temple from being rebuilt. There is no force stronger than baseless hatred, it is terrible and awful. We must uproot baseless hatred."