"Understanding the Soul? It's Easy for You": An Exclusive Interview with Rabbi Eyal Unger on His Debut Book

To mark the release of his book, Rabbi Eyal Unger from Jerusalem—a renowned lecturer, head of the 'Achievements' learning center, and one of Hidabroot's speakers specializing in the field of the soul—agreed to talk to us a bit about a topic that concerns us all: coping with various mental issues encountered throughout life.

In our generation, the era before the coming of the Messiah, no one is spared from difficulties and trials. Some of us know how to deal with them effectively, without hindering our daily lives—but what happens when we don't? What happens when someone undergoing a life-shaking experience, such as losing a job or extreme health issues, also loses the ability to perform other crucial daily tasks?

What happens when someone continuously generates negative thoughts and believes in them, steering their entire life accordingly? "When someone's daily routine is disrupted, it means they are in trouble, and a solution needs to be sought out and found as soon as possible before the person becomes entrenched in the problem," explains Rabbi Unger. "It's important for the person to be aware of this, but what often happens is that instead of solving the problem in a new way that hasn't been tried yet, they revert to their old pattern of thinking that they're 'used to' for solving problems.

"For instance, someone facing marital issues might say they tried explaining the problem to their spouse, and it didn't work. They might try again, and if that still doesn't work, they may resort to blaming and criticizing. When even that doesn't work to solve the issue, they might start looking for connections between their spouse's 'issues' in their eyes and their country of origin, and more. But the simple thing might be to look at their own needs and the spouse's needs individually and try to find a common ground and approaches that suit both parties."

And so it goes in many areas of life, Rabbi Unger continues. "There are times when a person feels things need to be perfect, that life must go exactly as expected, and so on—approaches to life that create problems rather than solutions. On one hand, it gives an illusion of perfection, but in daily life, people cannot function with such overwhelming and harsh approaches. These are cognitive distortions and barriers that prevent 'daring' to be less perfect than the high standard we've set for ourselves."

"Recommended Reading, Even If Seeking Professional Counseling"

According to Rabbi Unger, a person should try a new way they haven't tried before, as their usual way hasn't proven effective many times and hasn't solved their marital issues. "This book is designed to provide tools for various issues that people face in their daily lives. These can include stress, fears, nervous breakdowns, self-confidence, personal identity, mood swings, anger management, thoughts, feelings, and their connection. Anyone who studies the book seriously will be able to solve their own problems, moving from attempts to solutions."

"Understanding the Soul" is an enlightening and empowering journey into ourselves, through which we can better understand our issues and even receive tools for solving them. Many behavioral patterns we've learned throughout life have been preserved in the subconscious and have gained much power—sometimes that can 'fix' us in place for many years, without us being able to move even a millimeter toward change.

What are the benefits of reading such a 'therapeutic' book, and can we really treat ourselves by reading it?

The Maharal in the Talmud (Chidushei Aggadot Vol. 3) explains "that a person acts more easily upon themselves than on others, for when acting upon themselves, there is no opposition," in his words. "It is recommended to study the book even if the person decides to seek professional counseling, as during the process they will be able to acquire measuring tools to help them see where they stand concerning their issue. As long as we live in a world mixed with good and evil until the arrival of the true redeemer—the world will not be perfect, and a person will encounter 'the bad.' Therefore, to avoid unnecessary surprises when encountering evil, one should learn, prepare, and know how to cope and how to improve the quality of their functioning while living here."

The advantages of the book are that it covers many problems we encounter in life, but we don't always know they have names, forms, professional definitions, and even—solutions that aren't lofty but are down-to-earth. "The matter is very close to you," in a way that anyone who can read can understand. What are anxieties, when do they occur, what to do in extreme situations like a nervous breakdown, how can we avoid becoming enslaved to worries, why is it important to take responsibility for our frustration level, what characterizes perfectionism and how can it be treated, how to utilize and manage time properly, how can we change our approach and see positive instead of negative, and many more subjects that 'burn' within all of us appear in the book, and this is just the essence.

The Outlines of Positive Changes Begin in the Emotions and Thoughts of the Person

Since we all experience what we experience, and no one is free from anxieties, crises, pressures, and anger—the book 'Understanding the Soul' suits everyone, and each chapter is written based on many years of experience in dealing with various complex problems and situations. "When a person makes a perceptual change in their life—life rewards them in return, and they begin to realize that there is a possibility to live differently. When a person believes they can make the change, this belief fulfills itself in their life, and they truly succeed.

So why is it actually hard for us to make a significant change in our lives?

"A very important question, and the answer lies in the less conscious areas of the soul—where negative behavioral patterns like beliefs, automatic thoughts, and paradigms reside—that do not serve us and do not lead us to the desired goal. These can also be defense mechanisms developed against coping with difficulties, and fundamentally flawed perceptions like 'I can't', 'the good doesn't really exist in this world,' and so on.

"The problematic aspect of such perceptions is that they preemptively close off the possibility of any change occurring because they essentially tell the person: 'It's not worth the effort, it's not worth investing and persevering under pressure. After all, you naturally can't succeed because you're not a great perseverer. It's not worth failing again, and you'll also lose money.'

"To make a real change in our lives, we must first uproot and eradicate the perceptions that 'hold us back,' and the more we do this with great dedication—the less and less worry we'll have about the future and thoughts about what was in the past. We will succeed in living in the here and now and truly rejoice in it. The outlines of positive changes begin with the emotions and thoughts of the person—when there is a change there, then anything is possible."

What should a person look and feel like when the book 'works' well on them?

"A person for whom the book worked well is someone who has hope, light, and a new direction in their life. This person begins to internalize and understand that the problems they face might be tough—but there is always hope, and there are always solutions to be found. When this is the case, their daily life inevitably becomes a 'package' they can carry easily and with a smile, pleasantly and calmly—both within themselves and with others. As the saying goes in jest: 'There's life after the problems.'"

To purchase the book 'Understanding the Soul' click here