Sonia Souderi: "I Didn't Understand the Language, Especially the Phrase 'It's Not Acceptable'"

"Since I was a child, I've been involved in theater," recounts Sonia Souderi. "It’s the profession I studied and specialized in as far back as I remember. Initially, I studied music, then theater, continued to another visual theater school, and later entered the daily theater world."

Sonia was born in Algeria, but she grew up in France. "Ever since I entered the world of theater, I never left it," she says with a smile. "I took on global projects and toured with the theater company, performing in various countries. I truly enjoyed it."

Alongside her engagement with theater, Sonia was also a poet and worked as a host on the radio for the most contemporary poets. "There was one theme guiding the poems I narrated. Most spoke of the quest to find eternity in the world. This led me to many reflections about the world I lived in, thoughts on what we are doing here, and the most crucial question - what is life and what is death? These questions arise, in my opinion, in every normal person who doesn't fear facing reality. The thing is, the more I examined and explored, the more I understood that there must be an answer; it cannot be that there isn't one. The thought of remaining without an answer frightened me, and I knew I would do everything to find it. I wanted to know one thing – what is my role in this vast galaxy?"

"I primarily searched in various scientific areas," she notes, "and thus, after many investigations and contemplations, I arrived at Judaism on my own and then sought people who could support me. I managed to reach Jewish communities in France but didn't find anyone compatible with my way of thinking or familiar with my way of life. So I decided to follow it through to the end, with no compromises, and simply immigrated to Israel."

"I've Been Given a Talent, Why Not Use It?"

As soon as Sonia arrived in Israel, she realized it was her place. "My heart was drawn to all those sweet and simple sights. From the first moment, I connected with Shabbat observers, families with children, mothers taking care of their children while fathers go to study... I loved the simplicity and lack of luxury. My inner being simply connected to it," she explains.

"That's also why," Sonia notes, "I eventually found myself moving to Modiin Illit, a step that seems very revolutionary for someone returning to religious observance."

In Israel, Sonia wanted to continue her involvement in theater and even continued receiving invitations from around the world and signing contracts. "But at some point, I realized it simply wasn't compatible with my new lifestyle, and when I consulted with rabbis, they guided me that if I indeed aspire to keep mitzvot and be part of the Haredi society, I can't continue to engage in this field in such a manner. Thus, I had to stop my professional involvement. The field I loved so much and engaged in since I was little, the field that brought me to life."

That must have been very difficult...

"Difficult is an understatement. It was a severe blow. At that time, I couldn't leave the house, I could barely breathe, I felt as though the entire world was turning upside down. For a long period, phone calls and job invitations continued to come to me, offering various intriguing and lucrative projects, ones I loved so much, but I couldn't say yes. I only said: 'I'm busy, busy,' and postponed them: 'We'll talk next week,' and then: 'in two weeks.' Eventually, I lost most of the contracts that came to me."

Nevertheless, alongside the process she went through, Sonia constantly felt that there must be some way to return to her beloved field. "But I didn't know how," she notes, "I tried to reach out and consult with various people, but no one gave me a precise answer. I was looking for someone wise to guide me on exactly how to act and what to do, but I didn't find anyone. One day, I bought a book on Ethics of the Fathers written by Rabbi Maurice Lyman. Rabbi Lyman was a well-known figure internationally, but from the moment he decided to return to religious observance, he left everything and devoted all his talents to writing interpretations on Ethics of the Fathers. I told myself: 'What he did, I need to do too. I will take the skills I have and devote them to holy work.' It wasn't easy, very hard, especially since I also had to do everything in a new language that until then was foreign to me, but I realized it was part of the process, and I thank Hashem for helping me through it."

"I Felt in an Unknown Country"

During those years, alongside developing her professional career, Sonia got married, had children, and lovingly and gratefully raised them.

"I built my Haredi life here," she explains. "I tried to be part of the Haredi society, but the truth is it took a long time until I started feeling part of the community. It wasn't simple at all to enter the Haredi world and become part of it. Although I dressed like everyone else and took the kids to the garden like everyone else, I constantly felt like a stranger who doesn't understand the customs and rules. The hardest part was understanding the way people around me live, grasping how they feel, what they're experiencing, what is permissible and what is not, especially since these things are not always related to halacha itself. It took me a long time to understand, for example, the concept of 'it's acceptable'. I felt as if I was coming to life in another universe."

What gave you strength during that time?

"In the past, during my days as a radio host, I got to narrate a song I connected with very much, which also became a hit that was played repeatedly. In the song, the poet presents himself as someone at a crossroads in life, unsure which direction to take – whether to pursue mathematics, art, or philosophy. Then he continues to say he dreams of finding a road with a small stone path, without trees and without anything else, a small path that will take him higher and higher, to a place where he doesn't know the language, doesn't understand the customs, and only there will he find himself and the truth. That song accompanied me throughout my journey, even in tough times. I felt that despite all the difficulty, I managed to find the truth, and that's what matters to me."

Not Compromising on Professional Standards

Sonia never gave up on theater and music. "At first, I established small groups of women who wanted to learn theater," she explains. "I taught in high schools, colleges, and schools. I felt Hashem was always with me, giving me the strength to create and produce. I reminded myself that I am a theater professional by trade, and there's no mitzvah to erase that. Hashem is the one who gave me my talent, and I don't need to seek anything else. Thus, I managed to teach music at the highest possible level, without any compromises, yet without compromising on spiritual standards."

Over the years, Sonia continued to develop the study groups she led, and thirteen years ago, she founded the 'Mosaic' School. "Mosaic is a school I initially established in the Bukharan Quarter, in the heart of Jerusalem," she explains. "In recent years, I also opened a branch in Bnei Brak. At the school, students from the Haredi sector, who always dreamed of being actresses, now receive the most professional training. Students from the best seminaries study with us and eventually succeed in initiating their own shows and directing plays. Additionally, I have a professional theater featuring students who studied with me for six years. The demands from them are extremely high because there are no compromises in my theater. People sometimes tell me: 'But the Haredi public doesn't understand this, so why invest so much?' But I'm not interested in that. Even if the audience is used to seeing a few curtains and small stage decor, I don't connect to that, but rather aim to bring the most professional and contemporary, without compromising, of course, on spiritual standards."

Sonia also notes that on Sunday, the 24th of Av, the performance "Wedding in the Market" will take place, and that same week, on Tuesday, the 26th of Av, "The Blind" performance will be held. The performances will take place at the Beit Mazya Theater in Jerusalem. "I invite everyone to come and watch."

Do you have any future aspirations?

"Certainly. I aspire to further develop the theater field as professionally as possible, so there will be a place for every Haredi woman who studied theater to express herself. When I started teaching, I can attest it was quite odd, and the reactions I heard were mainly: 'Women don't act'. But over the years, it has begun to penetrate and seep in more and more. I hope to succeed in having as many women and girls as possible turn this field into a steady livelihood and fulfill their dreams, with health and long life."