Hani Weinrot in Her Final Days: "I Am Going to a Much Better Place"

A conversation that Dovi Weinrot gave to the 'Family' newspaper sheds a glowing light on the noble character of the late Hani Weinrot.

"On the last Thursday of her life, Hani had long talks with her children. Each child received about an hour and a half to two hours. It was a private conversation, a long and deep farewell in which she instilled in each of them what she wanted," says Dovi.

"To Shlomo, who was twelve and a half, she gave a stone as a memento. She asked him to go down to the garden and bring a white stone and markers from the pebbled area. Together, they drew on the stone on one side: 'It is a tree of life to those who hold fast to it,' and on the other side: 'And all its supporters are happy.'"

"When I entered at the end of the conversation, I heard the tail end of it," Dovi continues. "She explained to him that the Torah is longer than the earth and broader than the sea, and has seventy faces. 'You will never truly learn if you don't love the study and connect to the aspect that suits your soul best. Know that you can always engage with the Torah, but sincerely, not as an imitator. Study in the place your heart truly desires—and you will succeed.' And here she drew a heart, inside which she wrote 'Mama - to Shlomo; Kislev.'

"She further explained to him—how to correctly say in proper Hebrew 'I am holding the glasses' or 'holding onto the glasses'? The glasses, because if we don't hold the glasses in our hands, they will fall. However, if a person is drowning in the sea and finds a tree to hold onto, he is not holding the tree but onto the tree, because the tree holds him and not he the tree. And behold, Shlomo," the mother continued to explain, "here we say 'to those who hold fast to it' and not 'to those who hold it.' The Torah holds us. And all its supporters, those supported by it, are happy."

Hani continued to explain in her farewell conversation to her son: "You need to know: And all its supporters are happy. This is a given. Whoever goes in the way of the Torah, in the right way, is happy. And if he is not happy, he is not going on 'the way,' he is going on a way that does not suit him. He is imitating someone else and strives to be like him." This was the farewell conversation with Shlomo.

Four days before the end, Dovi came to his wife, together with Rabbi Hanania Cholak. Rabbi Cholak began to say to Hani that 'even if a sharp sword is placed on a person's neck, he should not prevent himself from mercy,' but she told him: 'Rabbi Cholak, if I may, the sword on my neck can indeed continue to enter—as I am going to a much better place. I do not believe this is considered despair—because I sincerely believe, when thinking of death, that it will be a better place to go to, if the Creator decides so. The real mercy—what I am not withholding myself from—is death. The conclusion of the chapter of my life in the best possible way."

"I never asked why," continues the brave widower. "And neither did Hani. That was her way: not to ask unnecessary questions."

"Prayer is not an ATM," he quoted the words of his late wife. "Prayer is a sophisticated tool like no other to unload our hearts before the Creator of all. Hani would explain to those who felt 'the prayers have not been answered for a long time' with the following explanation:

"Imagine how we feel if we have a child who had a hard day or some other distressing incident. He approaches us—but he can't express himself, not in words, not in crying, nor in any other way. We feel sad. We hurt for him. For the very fact that he cannot reach that good feeling, of the release felt after a cleansing cry," Dovi continues to explain Hani's life's message. "'Don’t hurt yourselves,' Hani would say. 'Don't expect prayer to be an ATM. What is the essence of prayer? Like a child who seeks to unload the heart and give thanks for this privilege. Live it, indulge in it, and long for the next time you get to experience it again,' she would say. 'Which prayer will the Father decide to accept? I don't know, and it's not important."

"She saw hardships, experienced very difficult days, and did not give up ten minutes a day of personal prayer with the Master of the Universe," Dovi concludes the conversation. "In her secluded prayer, there was everything. Hugs, tears, things that did not come out of her all day—came out there in the small prayer room, where she communed with her Creator."

Farewell Column to Hani Weinrot