"There's No Chance You'll Have Children," The Doctor Told Racheli Reuven. But That Didn't Stop Her Life

A conversation with Racheli Reuven is empowering. You cannot help but feel the strength when speaking with a woman who for years hoped to bring children into the world. But although that has not happened, she never stops smiling, brightening faces, and strengthening those around her.

Racheli, despite the pain accompanying her throughout, never sounds depressed. "I know very well that what's happening right now in my life is the best and most right for me," she explains simply. "There is nothing more suitable for me, because only Hashem knows what suits and is good for me."

Alongside her strength, Racheli's conversation is also filled with faith. She never complains about her condition, but rather sees it as a mission she's accepted upon herself—to empower other women.

Her personal story actually begins from when she was a child. "I grew up in a traditional home," she shares, "but I've been a *ba'alat teshuvah* for nine years now. The truth is, because I came from a home that believed and observed some of the commandments, the transformation was very hard for me, because I was never entirely disconnected from *halacha*, and there were certain things I knew needed to be done. What I did seemed huge to me, and who could tell me I'm not doing enough?"

Step by step, she strengthened until full closeness. "I didn't leave my parents' home equipped with the path of three prayers a day or the *Shema*, but I took one thing that always accompanied me: the ability to talk to Hashem. I learned this from my late mother; she gave me and my siblings this guidance. Personally, I adopted this as a way of life, and from a very young age, I would speak with Hashem in the most direct and sincere way. I spoke with my Father from the purest place in my heart, always waiting for His answers. Of course, as I strengthened, these conversations deepened within me. There wasn't a day I didn't talk with my Father."

I Told Hashem: "Let's Make a Deal"

How much speaking with Hashem became a lifestyle for Racheli can be seen from her matchmaking story: "At forty, I made a dramatic career change and returned to Israel. This was after working abroad for seven years in my beloved field of music for movies and shows. I reached Hollywood and dealt with the biggest names, but after strengthening, I realized it wasn't my place and decided to return to Israel."

At that time, it was clear to her that she would seek her match in Israel, but the word 'matchmaking' already gave her chills and anxiety. Racheli was in contact with two matchmakers and had 18 difficult meetings. "At the 18th meeting, I left and told Hashem, as I had always turned to Him: 'Master of the Universe, I feel I've already done my part. I can't go to more meetings; it's very hard for me. But You know me better than anyone, so let's make a deal—I will move from my current spacious home to a one-room apartment in Rechasim, near a seminary, to get closer to You, and You will help me find my match quickly.'

"Indeed, I arrived at Rechasim and approached the seminary," she continues, "Rabbanit Miriam Klerman, of blessed memory, opened the door for me. I introduced myself and said I wanted to rent a room for six months, but she was surprised because she usually rents for a year. I told her: 'Yes, but I made a deal with Hashem and within six months, I will find my match.' The rabbanit rebuked me: 'It is forbidden to make deals with Hashem,' so I clarified, explaining that I have absolute confidence that if Hashem wills, He can help me find my match within six months. Indeed, three days before the six months passed, I left the apartment and married my husband."

When speaking of her husband, Racheli is excited: "My husband is the deal of my life; he is a special, sensitive, and G-d-fearing man. I often tell him, and truly believe it, that he is better for me than ten sons."

Then the Doctor Said: "We Can't Help You"

Since Racheli's marriage, nine years have passed, and she notes that she feels everything she's been through was merely preparation for her greatest challenge, as throughout the years she has not been blessed with children of her own.

"At first, I thought things would be resolved easily. I went to a senior professor and later another one, thinking they could help me, but they all said they were sorry and there was no way to treat our issue. Only when I finally met a fertility specialist, he dropped the bomb: 'I'm sorry to tell you, but we can't help you, because medically, you cannot be a mother.'

(Photo: shutterstock)

"In those moments," Racheli recalls, "the whole world spun around me; I saw the doctor's lips moving, but I couldn't hear what he was saying anymore. I left there and wandered the streets for two hours with tears streaming down my face. Rivers of tears...

"It was a shock, a real shock because until that moment I hadn't realized the severity of my situation. My husband was also very saddened, but he has a grown son and two daughters from a previous marriage, so he faces it differently."

After two hours of relentless crying, Racheli turned to Hashem in the simplest language: "I told Him - 'Father, after I've come a long way, I now receive the hardest news imaginable. But even in these moments, I am not crying because I have a complaint, nor because I'm asking why. I'm crying because I'm a woman, and my tears come easily. I'm crying because it's my way of processing the news. And I also want to say thank you—thank you, Father, that it's been said to me and doctors have no interest in treating me and causing unnecessary suffering, thank you. I also want to say and promise you one thing—from this moment on, you will not see another tear of sorrow from me, only of prayer.'"

Since then, several years have passed, which were far from easy. "My family was also very sorry for me. They mistakenly thought that because I had returned to faith, I was avoiding seeing doctors. So one day, my sister came to convince me to see a renowned specialist known as 'the magician.' I went with her, not for me, as I already knew my condition, but for my family, so there wouldn't be a *chilul Hashem*.

"When I arrived at this expert, he examined the tests I'd brought and then asked me: 'Why did you come to me? Who sent you?' I replied: 'I came because my sister asked me. I already know my condition.' The doctor simply said: 'If you know your condition, you surely know that I can't do anything, only cause harm.' My sister heard his response and fell apart, but I continued to be strong. I turned to the doctor and said: 'I don't mean to belittle you or any of the other doctors. You are all good emissaries, and I bless you to continue being Hashem's right hand, but you must also remember Hashem is great. Much greater than anything we might understand. So thank you very much and goodbye.'

"We left there, and my sister was completely shattered," recalls Racheli. "She cried so much and told me she wished she could help me in some way. I found myself comforting her: 'Each of us has a role in the world, and you know what? You're invited to come to my performances where I tell my life story, to see how many children I have, how many daughters I have thanks to these performances.'"

Indeed, Racheli testifies that when she meets the blessed daughters of Israel at events where she performs, she always feels that indeed—she has children, and not just a few, but so many of all ages. "So maybe that's exactly what Hashem wants from me—to stand in front of them, to touch and open hearts? Maybe indeed that's my mission? And of course, I still have the simple faith that if truly Hashem wants, and if He decides I deserve it, then He will give it to me, and nothing will stop Him."

Father, I Also Want

However, along with the strong faith, Racheli says there are still difficult moments. "I live near my sister-in-law, who is a mother of nine children. I love her children as if they were my own, and they come into my home as if it were theirs. Yet, I remember one Friday at one in the afternoon, sitting outside drinking coffee after my Shabbat was already ready. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my sister-in-law's older children heading downstairs in white shirts and neatly pressed pants. From her home came calls of: 'Where are my clothes?' and 'Get out of the shower already!' I looked up to the sky and said: 'Master of the Universe. I also want to. I've already finished organizing; my husband's shirt is ironed; I have no one to bathe. I don't want to sit and drink coffee at this time. I also want to have the merit of raising a family.'"

Racheli adds and emphasizes: "What encourages me most is reminding myself what I know—now, when I'm in the darkness, I can't always see what's happening around, but I know that a day will come when I understand what I'm going through is the best for me. And even if I don't receive what I'm hoping for, it's still the best for me, because everything Hashem does is for the best, precise, and with an ocean of kindness."

Racheli sees it as her mission to give other women strength, enabling them to feel that their challenges are the best for them. "I want women to internalize that the darkness is actually one big light," she explains with glowing eyes, noting that this is what led her to launch a nationwide show called 'Voice from Heaven,' where she shares her story, sings, and strengthens others.

From your experience, what can you tell others facing such or other difficulties? What can give them strength?

"I want to convey one single message—when we are in a challenge, we are essentially placed in the 'nothing.' We only see the lack—no husband/no health/Hashem hasn't sent us children, and we often forget to look at what we do have, and that 'having' is so much. That's what I always tell the women consulting with me: look at what you have. Do you have parents? You're blessed. Not everyone does. Do you have a husband? A good job? Health? These are things worth any wealth. We must not focus only on what's lacking."

And as an artist who has conquered stages worldwide and as a singer with an amazing voice, she adds: "Once I had a dream 'to conquer the world' with my career, and indeed I crossed boundaries and seas, but today I can testify that my dream has changed—I now expect 'to conquer Hashem.' May I have the merit to reach Him and truly draw close to Him."

The show 'Voice from Heaven' is currently taking place across the country. Exclusive management and representation: Dikla Feldman 'Mesilot Productions'