"I Felt Second Class": My Journey as a Visually Impaired Baal Teshuva

If you had met Idan Or Gai about two decades ago, you would have seen an especially sensitive child. Although he studied in a regular school as a full-time student, the children around him constantly teased and mocked him for his albinism and the poor vision he suffered from.

"The kids in the class laughed at me a lot," he recalls, "They called me 'candy hair' and mimicked how I looked at the board. It was very hard for me as a child. There were days I came home from school feeling like I just didn't have the strength to go on."

Idan has a twin sister who is also an albino and another albino brother. Additionally, he has three older siblings with full vision. "As children, we all experienced social difficulties at school," he notes, "Each of us faced our own challenges, but my siblings managed better than I did. I was probably more sensitive than them, maybe shyer and less confident, or perhaps a combination of all these."

Idan also explains the essence of the difficulty: "Being an albino primarily means coping with severe visual impairment, as I can only see clearly within one meter. Beyond that, my vision becomes blurred. I must also avoid sun exposure without protection, as it's very dangerous for my fair skin. I cannot drive. But beyond all this, there's the external difficulty of how people look at you. When I was a kid, the children in the class and neighborhood constantly laughed at me. I remember one child talking to me during recess, then stopping and saying: 'I have to go now because if they see me with you, I won't have friends either.'"

How did you cope with academic tasks?

"I had various adaptations in class and during exams, I usually took them orally. I also had a computer where I summarized lessons in a blind method, and I managed somehow. Incidentally, I can read, but it is very tiring for me, so I listen to books more than I read. There are recorded books from the Library for the Blind, and I listen to them often."

Seeing with the Heart, Not the Eyes

A significant phase in Idan's life was ten years ago when he became a baal teshuva. "It's hard to explain what led to it, as it was simply a moment of spiritual enlightenment. I was at a friend's for Shabbat, and suddenly I saw myself from an outside perspective for a brief moment and realized what is right to do in life. Right then and there, I decided to change my life."

The moment he began his journey of returning to faith led to an easier view of his limitation. "It's not that it disappeared, but instead of saying 'wow, how hard it is for me,' I learned to say 'wow, thank you very much.' Because precisely the challenges I went through are what helped me grow. Faith taught me that difficulty is not necessarily a bad thing. You just need to learn how to look at it."

What good thing did you find in your albinism?

"Just one good thing?" he laughs, "There are many good things, but if I have to choose one, I'd mention that the vision challenge due to albinism gave me the opportunity to see life not through the eyes, but through the heart. It's a much stronger vision. Every morning, when I bless 'who opens the eyes of the blind,' I think about how we bless 'who opens the eyes of the blind' and not 'who opens the eyes of the sighted' because Hashem opens our hearts, not our eyes."

After deciding to become a baal teshuva, Idan made another bold decision – he wanted to study in a yeshiva. "This was after I finished the army," he says, "and so I began studying in a yeshiva in Ramat Gan. I studied there for four years."

Even in yeshiva studies, challenges awaited him. "Reading the Gemara was very exhausting and tiring for me. I had to sleep a lot at night to allow my eyes to rest from the strain. But I don't remember complaining. I had a tremendous thirst, and when you have thirst and desire, you can cope with anything. I learned to look at serving Hashem as something that makes me grow. I had immense satisfaction during those years."

However, Idan also wishes to highlight an important issue: "In yeshivas and the Torah world, the concept of 'accessibility for the blind' is almost unheard of, which is very unfortunate. You'll hardly find synagogues offering Braille siddurim or even large print suitable for those with visual impairments. I would expect that just as I go to a bank that offers accessible and adapted services, so too should synagogues and yeshivas. In general, the religious public is very tolerant, but I would expect them to pay attention to this issue as well."

Feeling a Mission at Work

The challenges did not cease at any stage, and even when Idan entered the world of dating, he encountered difficulties. "My feeling was that I was seen as someone with two drawbacks – both visually impaired and a baal teshuva. But I taught myself to strengthen my faith and also learned something important about life – if you believe everything can be as you want, then eventually Hashem will turn things around just as you aspire to. In the end, I was blessed to marry a healthy, wonderful woman, a true woman of valor. We have a sweet seven-month-old daughter, and she too, thank G-d, is completely healthy."

Today, Idan works as a guide at the Children's Museum in Holon. "We offer a special exhibit that is in complete darkness," he explains. "The aim is to let people experience how the senses of a blind person who cannot see work. I emphasize that it is impossible to illustrate blindness because a blind person doesn't see darkness, they see nothing. But experiencing the other senses is possible, and more than that – people get to know each other through a one and a quarter hour process solely through personality and without seeing, and that's what's so special about the museum. I feel a mission in my work because we give people the opportunity to see through the heart and not through the eyes."

Today, he already looks at the child he once was with a slightly pitying gaze, yet full of insights. He also adds: "I think the moment the world started accepting me was when I learned to accept myself. When I learned that I didn't have to try to be someone I'm not, but just love myself as I am."

These feelings are what led him to also work on publishing a book which is currently in a crowdfunding project. The book essentially brings his life story through a child's eyes. "I chose to release it specifically as a children's book, so that any child who experiences difficulty or feels a bit different can read and learn from it, but of course, the book can also suit adults. I tell my life story there, with all the hardships and also the insights. At the end of the story, I stand before the class and say: 'Hey guys, I am who I am, and that's how you should accept me.' And the world suddenly understands it. I believe this exposure, when I write my life story and even sign it under my name, enables people to learn from it and say to themselves: 'This is a real person who went through such things and succeeded in overcoming them.' It will surely give them strength."