"I Set Up the Compliment Stand Under the Chords Bridge – You're Invited"

If you happen to be in Jerusalem on a Friday and pass under the Chords Bridge, you will likely see the 'Compliment Stand' by the ultra-Orthodox coach Guy Shani. And no, don't rub your eyes in disbelief.

Guy is a compliment coach, or if you will – a complimentor (a title he invented himself – a blend of the words compliment + mentor), and at the stand under the Chords Bridge, he offers free training using special tools. "People from all walks of life and backgrounds come to me," he says. "I don't ask anyone where they’re from. I believe that every person is created in the image of Hashem, and therefore I treat everyone with full respect. My next plan is to turn the Chords Bridge into the Compliments Bridge and place an electronic board that will display heartfelt compliments. Thus, at the entrance to Jerusalem, the city destroyed due to baseless hatred, there will be a Compliments Bridge that promotes free love."

The Compliment Corner on Unity Day

Compliment Coach

Guy travels across the country giving lectures to various audiences. His vehicle is called the 'Compliment Mobile'. Guy invested a few thousand shekels into it and installed a dome-like structure on its roof, similar to a taxi light with the words: "The Joy and Compliment Unit." "I drive this through every road across the country to teach people how to give compliments," he shares.

He speaks to every segment of the population. "Sometimes I meet people who wouldn't even look at the ultra-Orthodox public, and here I am, with a black kippah, and they listen to me. The secret is that I come from a pure and clean place, genuinely wanting to help them find joy in the success and happiness of others without envy. They are my brothers; I am not here to bring them back to religious observation but simply invite them to learn together how to give compliments and do good for each other. If they want to ask questions about Judaism, they are welcome to do so, and I will gladly answer what I know, but that's not why I came here."

An empowering and experiential Compliment Workshop

Why do you believe compliments are so important and necessary?

In response, Guy chooses to quote Rabbi Yisrael Salanter, who says that every person drowns in a sea of passions and desires, and in the end, we all need good words. "In this context, there is also a well-known saying – 'People will often forget what you said to them, but they will never forget how you made them feel'. A person is an emotional being, and we can see that our entire Torah revolves around emotion. For example, when we start teaching a child the Hebrew alphabet, we let them taste honey from the letters. We see the same idea in the Exodus - one of the main mitzvot of the Jewish people is to remember the Exodus from Egypt, and we are commanded not only to learn about it from texts and teachings but also to experience it. The Torah tells us – eat the food your ancestors ate during the Exodus, sit in a sukkah as they did when they left Egypt, eat bitter herbs. Our world is entirely a world of experience, taste, and feeling. So too, when we give someone a compliment or a kind word, we make them feel good, and that's so important."

People always ask Guy during lectures – how do you do this in practice? How do you enable yourself to give compliments? In response, Guy gives them a 'Compliment Kit' that includes a bracelet engraved with the idea, an Israeli flag representing the national mission, and ten concise rules summarizing what to do, plus a bonus - 101 words of compliments."

The Compliment Stand at the Chords Bridge

What rules are included in the kit, for example?

"Take, for example, the first rule which says – 'Give compliments in detail, not generally'. The idea is instead of telling your friend or son: 'You are so lovely', or 'You are amazing', you should give the compliment more specifically – 'You have a very kind heart'. Or: 'You are so generous'. Notice the difference?

"Another example – don't just give a compliment when you need a favor from the other person. Such a compliment may appear self-serving or as mere flattery. It is also important to avoid complimenting a person on something they didn't work for. For example, telling our daughter that she's the most beautiful girl in the kindergarten is dangerous, because by giving her a compliment on something beyond her control, it does nothing constructive. Moreover, from 'the most beautiful in the kindergarten', there's only a way down, and this doesn’t motivate action but decreases ambition. To such a child, I’d recommend praising other qualities – telling her how accommodating she is, how she has a good eye, and such."

The Compliment Corner on Unity Day

Kind Words Instead of Wars

Guy also emphasizes that the kind words we say to others will not only help them but also ourselves. "We all tend to sometimes criticize, preach to others, tell them what's wrong with their behavior, but this need ultimately hinders us. The wisdom is not to be right, but to be righteous. The people of Israel are called 'The worm of Jacob', like a worm whose strength is in its mouth; so also, the power of a Jewish person is in their speech. They can influence others not through shouting or acts of vandalism, certainly not through violence, but through compliments and good words.

"By the way," Guy suddenly pauses the conversation, "have you ever wondered about the meaning of the word 'perk'?" He immediately continues: "The word perk originally comes from Yiddish and is also used in German. Its meaning is not just to compliment and make someone feel good, but as defined in the dictionary – it is the joy in the success of others without jealousy. The idea is to be able to stand before our friends or family, without wanting to change them to be like us, but simply to rejoice in their success and use our power to compliment and appreciate, not to influence others to act like us."

The Compliment Stand at the Chords Bridge

"Even more so – giving compliments is a trait of a leader," he argues, even providing proof: "120 years ago, Benjamin Disraeli ran for the position of Prime Minister of Britain. At that time, an interviewer conducted an interview with him and his competitor. After talking with the competitor, they asked her: How did you feel? And she replied – 'I felt this man is the smartest in the world and deserves to be Prime Minister.' However, after she met with Disraeli and was asked how she felt, she said: 'This time, I left with the feeling that I am the smartest person in the world'. Such is the power of compliments. Incidentally, the one ultimately selected as Prime Minister was Disraeli.

"And mainly," Guy stresses, "we must not forget to compliment and appreciate ourselves. This is not arrogance. We need to recognize the qualities Hashem has given us. The more we appreciate ourselves, the more we will know how to appreciate our friends."

Compliments Against Accidents

Guy doesn't stop with workshops and lectures. He also launches various initiatives. One of these initiatives is the production of a perks card for compliment givers. This card will be given to anyone who joins the list of compliment givers and will grant them discounts at various businesses. "Business owners will certainly want to cooperate with us because by doing so, they will do something valuable and know they are influencing more than a million people to improve their compliments and good perception."

The Compliment Corner at the Compliment Stand

Guy is also convinced that promoting compliments can significantly strengthen road safety and prevent accidents. "If we notice, the only system in the world that operates without any compliments, only with punishments and enforcements, is the traffic system. You drove too fast? You get fined. Crossed on a red light? Your license is revoked. In the end, the conclusion the driver comes out with is that in order not to kill, they get fined a thousand shekels, and if that's not enough, they receive a two-thousand fine. No wonder this leads to a total failure, as evidenced by the fact that the number of road accidents consistently increases. I aim to create a situation where a police officer in Israel stops a driver, discovers that they drove by all the rules, and presents them with an excellent driver certificate on the spot. This certificate will afford various benefits, such as a 100-shekel discount on the annual test, discounts on purchasing safety products like tires or brakes, and more."

He concludes with an optimistic sentence: "Our sages taught that the Second Temple was destroyed due to baseless hatred, and the future redemption is expected to come through baseless love. They also say that it is enough if we only show willingness for baseless love and compliments, and the Temple will already be built. My personal feeling is that while the people of Israel today might sometimes be plagued with conflicts or arguments, on the flip side, there is such tremendous love within us. This is the sweetest nation in the world. There is no doubt that we are already at the beginning of redemption. We just need a few more people like this to jump on the bandwagon and start complimenting and encouraging, and we are set."