Refusing 100,000 Shekels a Day: An Interview with Beauty Queen and Baalat Teshuvah, Mor Maman

This moment, occurring at the end of the hardest day of her life, is one Mor Maman will never forget. It was the day her mother, a completely healthy woman typically, and the strong figure in her life, suddenly didn’t recognize her. ‘Mom,’ ‘Mom,’ she called. And her mother, sitting across her, fully conscious, asked in bone-chilling confusion: ‘Who are you?’. ‘Who are you?’. At those moments, she thought and felt like the sky was falling down on her and wanted the earth to swallow her. Today, Mor knows that this event greatly strengthened and forged her, and more importantly, it was a significant layer in the *teshuvah* process she began thereafter.

"My mother," Maman recounts, "just collapsed one day in the middle of a workout at the gym. We still don’t know exactly what happened there. She fell backward, on her head, and the most significant damage from the fall was that she lost her memory. Until that day, I was very spoiled. But after this incident, I had to stop because I became the mother of the house.

"I have 5 siblings, but during that period, only two of us remained at home. And I took care of everything that needed to be done. The first period was very difficult because my mom’s memory was totally erased. Before the fall, she was a senior manager at Azrieli Malls, a very strong woman, and suddenly in many ways, she returned to being like a little girl. We were totally in shock".

A few hours after the fall, Mor recounts, she went with her brother to visit their mother in the hospital, unable to believe what was before their eyes. "I went to the hospital, entered her room, and sat next to her. She was conscious, so I asked her: ‘Mom, what’s happening? How do you feel?’, and she answered me: ‘Who are you?’. It was such a frightening and strange situation. After all, she is our mom. We didn’t understand how something like this happens. For instance, we would ask her what she wanted to eat, and she wouldn’t know how to respond. She didn’t remember or know what kinds of foods exist. She only knew she was hungry."

Indeed, that sounds not simple. And yet, what are the good things you took from it?

"They say forgetting is a great gift from Hashem. Because if we remembered everything, it would be very hard to live. There are many things that hurt us a lot, and over time are forgotten. And it’s truly a great kindness from Hashem. I also learned a big lesson from my mom. She could have chosen the abyss that opened before her and fallen into it. But she chose life. And it greatly impacted me. Overall, this whole story built me. Made me more mature. At the time that she fell, I wasn’t so connected to Hashem. But today I know how much He was with me. To this day, there are things I haven’t spoken about with anyone. Not even with my close friends.

"Today, thank God, my mom does everything like an ordinary woman, except for working. She still doesn’t remember anything from before the fall but learned everything anew. How to cook, walk, and who we are. She wanted to return to work, but they didn’t want her back. Incidentally, miraculously, as she woke up - she started singing the general rectification (*tikkun haklali*). Since then, we are very connected to Rabbi Nachman".

100,000 Shekels in 5 Hours

Mor is only 21 years old today, yet speaks and behaves like a much more mature woman. Success, as it turns out, did not accompany her from the start. "Most of my life, until high school, I was always 30 kilos more than I should have been. I was a fat child and teenager. Both socially and health-wise, it wasn’t good. Children, as everyone knows, can be very cruel. I went through a process of social rejection, and as a result, developed a lack of confidence stemming from my appearance. I was overweight from the day I can remember myself. Then, in the summer break between seventh and eight grade, I undertook a serious diet. Everything changed. Suddenly, the environment takes much more interest in you. I didn’t sink only into the external, although it’s very tempting. I brought it to a place where being beautiful is good and nice, but it’s really not everything. And not the most important. I constantly reminded myself and others that the main thing is the inner beauty".

After winning the beauty queen contest, Maman flew several times to lecture in front of Jewish communities abroad. "In my last lectures, I even started to talk about faith in Hashem. It’s amazing to see how the belief in Hashem connects everyone. If you meet someone who was a beauty queen, and today she is a *baalat teshuvah*, it fills the heart and reminds you what is right and true. And above all, I would say again and again that it all depends on the glasses we choose to put on. And if we choose good glasses, we will know and feel that Hashem is good and does good, and then it follows naturally that everything is for the best.

(photo: shutterstock)

"Right after the release, I became a partner in a cosmetics firm in the USA. I haven’t told anyone this yet, but now I am also preparing to open a new modest and beautiful clothing business. Slowly, it is becoming more in demand. Just yesterday, I called Rabbi Igal Cohen, through whom I gained strength via the Hidabroot channel and website, and asked him to help me find a name for the business, and he said he would be happy to help, provided I merit the many by selling at affordable prices genuinely modest clothing".

That's very unusual. It takes a lot of capital to build such businesses. Girls your age usually wait tables or work in odd jobs.

"That’s true, but I worked hard for the money, and thank God, I earned well. Beyond that, the reputation I have in the industry opens doors for me. It’s much easier for me, due to the win, to introduce my products. And above all, thank God I have great assistance from heaven. Perhaps it’s because my intentions are really pure. I want to produce especially modest clothes, that are very beautiful and high quality. I want to show that you don’t need many layers to be modest".

Today, after *teshuvah*, Mor says she is still engaged in modeling, but to a much lesser extent and manner than in previous years. "I still work a bit. Only when it fits and only with 100% modesty, without compromise. I was once with a big agency, and the offers flowed, but now I am my own agent. And there are many tests. I'm still being offered 100,000 shekels for half a day’s work, shooting in immodest clothes. But Hashem does not deprive anyone. He simply gives in other places".

Don’t you miss the fame, public attention?

"Just now, I am working with the Atarah organization, which deals with girls who came from religious families but have had complicated lives, and now are left without a roof over their heads. These girls often dress immodestly to attract and receive attention. And that’s exactly what I work with them on. I tell them that the man who will love them – will first and foremost need to love their soul. Otherwise, it’s cheap attention. If I am modest – everyone will respect me much more. And this is the attention women should expect to receive".

"I Didn’t Even Know Lashon Hara was Forbidden"

At the end of the day, the process of *teshuvah* is the most important thing in her life now. "Our home was traditional, we did *kiddush*, but we didn’t observe Shabbat. Nonetheless, some of my siblings returned to *teshuvah*. For me, the whole matter started from watching Torah lectures that popped up on the network. And I just felt these things spoke to me very much. Something very deep within me was drawn to it. Suddenly I felt as though I had everything, but truly - I had nothing. I traveled, worked, saw, did, but my soul got tired of it. I felt it was the real thing".

What did you do after that?

"I started the process alone, together with lessons on the Hidabroot site and channel. Practically, first of all, I completely cleansed myself. I detached more and more from things like *lashon hara*. In my previous world, I didn’t even know it was forbidden. It’s routine. Talking about this one and that one. Slowly I also realized how much my happiness was dependent on material things. Today I know it’s not happiness at all. After a certain period, I also took modesty upon myself. For instance, to get rid of pants. Today I can say it’s really fun for me".

Aside from the pleasant things Mor recounts, she, like many who become *baal teshuvah*, experienced non-simple difficulties. "One of the things that were hardest for me," she says, "was that many things were complex for me. Progressed at a slow pace. And it was hard for me to do them. The first time I met Rabbi Igal Cohen, I asked him why many things are so hard in *teshuvah*. He told me that *teshuvah* is like a rope, which is often not easy to climb. And Hashem wants to test our will and dedication. But unlike climbing a rope, if you continue to strive, it becomes easier.

"Furthermore, my difficulty was manifested in thinking that I would return to *teshuvah*, and Hashem in exchange for that would open all the gates for me. I thought He must now give me a match, livelihood, health, and everything. But it doesn’t work that way. It’s not that He doesn’t strengthen and grant. He does. And I feel Hashem with me hand in hand. But things are not dependent on each other so clearly. Much of the reward comes not in a material form, and not necessarily in this world".

What place did learning and knowing the world of Torah and Halacha take in your life?

"A very big place. It was always very important for me to understand. Everything I took upon myself was from a place of understanding. Commandments like Shabbat and *lashon hara* I understood immediately, and I really didn’t encounter any difficulty with them. Only modesty I didn’t understand why I’m taking. And when I started to understand it was easier.

"And now, thanks to this, I feel like a pure daughter of Hashem. And it makes really good feelings in the soul. Clearly, in the early days, I had confusion, and I said, ‘Wow, what did I do’. But very quickly I put on the right and good glasses and just began to believe that modest is beautiful, respectful, and good. Because it’s the truth. Would you see the Queen of England in shorts? No. Every woman should look at herself as if she were the Queen of England. Because she truly is a daughter of a king.

"Today I also feel responsibility. Because many people listen to me. Look, I have no way to escape what I was. I removed what I could, but you can’t control everything. And I try to do good things with the influence I have. There are many girls who took on modesty and Shabbat because of things I was involved with, thank God. I don’t tell them this directly, but they receive the message from how I behave. By the way, it’s not that I no longer deal with questions. But I pray to Hashem to continue to enlighten my path. To maintain the confidence I have in Him. To get married soon and have children. To have my inheritance. And to succeed in influencing many people to do good."