"How Can It Be That Hashem Wants Me to Keep Shabbat Even if It Makes Me Depressed?"

Several responses like these have reached us following the column that discussed people who claim to observe Shabbat—but do not refrain from using phones and computers on Shabbat. People wrote with genuine heartache: ‘What do you want, for me to become depressed? I’m alone at home all Shabbat!’ and ‘All the laws of Shabbat observance are so hard, can’t we lighten them a bit? The background movie keeps me sane.’

In other words, these are not people claiming that breaking Shabbat is their delight, but rather those who claim they are coerced: without the marvels of technology on Shabbat, they would surely lose their minds.

First of all, we do not dictate what those who truly suffer from a mental issue and have reasonable grounds to believe that proper Shabbat observance would endanger their lives should do. People in such situations should consult a qualified rabbi, whose ruling will be guided by the principle that saving a life overrides Shabbat. However, allow us to assume that this is a very small minority, if at all. Those who wrote to us about the necessity of movies and phones for their mental health did not mean they would jump out the window without background noise but that their Shabbat would be gloomy, lonely, miserable, and wet with tears without it. Is that what Hashem wants??

Of course not. ‘I have a good gift in My treasure house,’ Hashem said when He wished to give Shabbat to Israel. Where have you heard of a valuable gift that endangers the recipient’s mental health? Admit it’s an absurd idea. So what might it be? Well, perhaps the recipient of the gift has not thoroughly learned the instructions...

Without belaboring the point, however, let’s try to mention the main obstacles that cause people to fear observing Shabbat properly—and offer them solutions.

1. "It’s terribly hard to get used to full Shabbat observance!" Sometimes all that makes observing Shabbat so difficult with all its details is...habit. Even if we consider ourselves religious but have gotten used to texting on Shabbat, it will be very hard to stop, especially if our heart tells us we won’t have any friends left and we’ll feel completely lonely. But are we really so alone, living without any family and friends around us? If we have a normative environment, there is no reason why disconnecting from a device for 24 hours would isolate us. So what’s the hardship? The habit. Well, encourage yourself: Aren’t there hundreds of thousands of people who started observing Shabbat properly in the middle of their lives—and never regretted it? As Oded Menashe said in an interview for Hidabroot about a year and a half ago: "I say: Anyone who wants to voice an opinion on Shabbat or family purity should observe them twice properly, and then we’ll talk. I want to see if after that they say ‘I tried, and it didn’t suit me.’ I haven’t encountered anyone like that yet."

(Photo: shutterstock)

2. "Without technology, the loneliness on Shabbat finishes me." What if someone lives alone? Seemingly, Shabbat makes it hard for them—but only seemingly. True, on Shabbat, they cannot communicate via computer and phone with acquaintances and relatives, but movies and internet surfing, after all, do not provide real company, only the illusion of it. In the absence of this illusion, one can focus on real solutions. Maybe it is relevant for you to be hosted on Shabbat at a yeshiva or seminary? Perhaps you can contact one of the outreach organizations that help find host families for Shabbat? And maybe you can invite guests to make your Shabbat pleasant? Maybe there is a pleasant and friendly synagogue nearby, where if you attend for all Shabbat prayers, you will find yourself using your time spiritually—and also make new connections? Loneliness is a tough experience all week long and there’s definitely no reason to suffer from it on Shabbat: think outside the box so you can observe Shabbat properly and enjoy worthy company. And if sometimes no solution helps and you have to spend Shabbat alone in your apartment? Meet the oldest loneliness-dispelling method in history: reading material! From weekly Torah portion pamphlets that get you into the Shabbat spirit (have you checked out Hidabroot’s pamphlet?), to books on great Jewish figures that will inspire you, to literature permissible to read on Shabbat (not war novels, not study books, and certainly no books forbidden even on weekdays...).

3. 'It’s hard for me to be different.' Some people have no difficulty with Shabbat observance as long as they can keep it to themselves. Shabbat prayers? No problem. Shabbat meals? Ditto. He doesn’t even mind being meticulous about the laws of selection and refraining from carrying on Shabbat, even if there is an eruv. But disconnecting from the world? Here he recoils. What will colleagues, friends, and family think? If they themselves are far from religion, he feels uneasy telling them all of a sudden that he becomes unavailable for 24 hours. Well, for those embarrassed, I have only to tell you about a business book I recently read, written by a well-known and very successful American freelancer (she writes for the renowned economic publication ‘Forbes,’ among others). She is so sought after that she earns a fee not far from the Israeli median salary for a single article. In the book, where she offers guidance and tips for beginner freelancers, she describes how she does not compromise on her work hours: 'In every work contract I write that I am a Shabbat-observant Jew and therefore not available at all and do not use technology from sundown on Friday until the night afterward—Motzei Shabbat.' This lady does not appear Jewish, she has no Jewish name, and she resides in Washington State, USA, not Israel. If she can declare to her clients, on whom she depends for her livelihood, that they have no chance of getting even a single text message from her on Shabbat...are you sure you can’t do the same?

(Photo: shutterstock)

4. 'I’m bored to death on Shabbat!' We’ve reached the last reason, a beloved one. What if you are indeed with family on Shabbat, you’re not afraid of the new habit and not of people’s reactions, but you’re simply afraid you’ll die of boredom? Your life isn’t life, whispers a small, panicked voice within you, without access to TV shows or your WhatsApp groups. The world would be so empty and gray without technology!

Well, dear people—there is no choice. If disconnecting from technology threatens you so much that you’re sure sheer boredom will overwhelm you because of it, this is the best proof of how urgently you need Shabbat observance. Put aside for a moment the halachic demand—does it seem reasonable to you that a sane person cannot survive 24 hours without a phone/computer/TV? How do you think people managed 200 years ago, for example? Were their lives one long wail from birth to grave, which probably didn’t change much for them since their lives were already desolate without Facebook and Channel Two?

'The world says that where it’s impossible to go, one must go back,' once said Rabbi Yisrael Salanter, founder of the mussar movement. 'And I say: where it’s impossible to go, one must go.' If disconnecting from technology for you is like the impossible...one must go through it. The transition may seem frightening and daunting, but on the other side awaits you the precious gift that Hashem prepared for His children and only them:

Shabbat.

Try it and see, as recommended by Oded Menashe. But really try it. According to Jewish law. Not according to what you feel at the moment. Give Shabbat a chance, and you’ll discover how much it gives back to you.