Avichai Sheli: "I Stand Firmly on Our Right as People with Disabilities to Marry 'Typical' Partners"

Avichai Sheli – a young financial advisor and lecturer, was born healthy. However, around the age of two, his hearing began to deteriorate due to an illness and poor medical treatment he received. Unfortunately, at the age of four, after a fall in the playground, he was injured in his eyes and became blind.

Yet, the difficulties and challenges that life threw at him did not lead him to self-pity or worse, to paralyzing sadness and depression. "Perhaps if I could have chosen and decided it not to happen, I might have hesitated and preferred an ordinary, mundane life," Sheli writes in the introduction to his website, where he publishes strengthening articles and invites readers to dive into the depths of his unique personality. "But today I can say that despite everything I've been through along the way – it was worth it, and I definitely feel satisfied and happy."

According to him, at the age of two, due to an illness and poor medical treatment he received as a result, he gradually lost his hearing. Later, at the age of four, another 'trouble' was added, and as a result of a fall in the playground, Sheli also lost his eyesight. "I became blind and hard of hearing, and this subsequently led to reluctance and opposition to me learning in regular frameworks. But mainly thanks to the struggle and determination of my parents, I was registered there and integrated successfully," he writes.

When talking about success – it does not refer to dreams that are locked away in a drawer, lamented for not being worthy enough to come true. Not at all. Because someone like Sheli does not give up on the desire to fulfill his three great dreams in life, among them winning the title of World Bible Quiz Champion for Youth and integrating into the business world and the stock market.

"I stand firmly on our right as people with disabilities to marry 'typical' partners"

Just to clarify – it was at age 15 when the spirit of action began to beat in him.

After fulfilling his three dreams and many others, the 'time of love' arrived – within it and alongside searching for the other half, Sheli wrote an empowering column where he lays out facts he experienced firsthand in this context of looking for partnership as a young person suffering from two disabilities – hearing and vision. "It begins with the very painful reality where most people think that a person with a disability should only partner with another with a disability like theirs. It never happened that someone suggested introducing me to a typical girl, like happens with others. On the contrary, suggestions such as 'There's a wonderful blind girl I thought you should meet' or 'There's a girl on crutches, very smart, maybe you two should meet'. Wow, I heard loads of such suggestions.

"Despite all this, I stand firmly on our right as people with disabilities to marry 'typical' partners and not to limit us further by identifying us only with those with disabilities. It is painful and indicative of a glaring social inequality. So you might be surprised to hear, but I decided that's it. Clear and simple, I am not willing to be set up with a girl with a disability. Such suggestions from matchmakers will be rejected outright. The reason may sound disgusting and selfish to you, but unfortunately, it is the truth: marrying with a disability means marrying an additional difficulty to the one you already have.

"Take for example a blind person marrying another blind person. How will they clean the house? Who will take the child to kindergarten? Think about it honestly. Why get into that from the start and try to improvise to overcome the double difficulty that arises? Because that's the societal decree imposed on me? Because it seems to the general public that my role is only to marry someone with a disability?".

"Nobody is perfect, and everyone has their limitation – even if it's hidden"

And what about the other side of the 'typical' match who seemingly needs to compromise on such a proposal. Sheli also has something to say on this. "People ask me, and rightly so: 'So if you reject and are reluctant to match with someone with a disability, why would a typical girl want you as someone with a disability? Don't you pose a problem for her?' Sadly, it's true to the point of pain, but no one is obligated to want me, and I have never imposed myself on a girl. But think about it for a moment also from my side, the one with a disability.

"A typical girl does not have my disability, so we would not turn into a pair of disabled people limiting each other. On the contrary! A typical girl could ease and cover for my limitation, and I could contribute my part and assist her a lot. For example, I will peel the vegetables, and she will cook. I will fold the laundry, and she will place it in the cupboards. I will help the kids with their homework, and she will drive them to school. Agree with me that it's significantly different from a situation where I meet everyone's expectations, marry a blind girl, and we try to manage a normal family life.

"The bottom line, as always, is that we must be equal and true to our feelings. So yes, I have reservations about matches with disabilities like mine, but if I meet someone like that and find favor – the sky's the limit.

"And you too, 'typical people', should behave with us, people with disabilities. After all, nobody is perfect, and everyone has their limitation – even if it's hidden. I believe in humanity and am sure that a positive change in society's attitude towards people with disabilities will take place, and with Hashem's help, in the not-so-distant future – the picture will change. I hope."

And who did Avichai eventually marry? That will be revealed in the coming weeks.