"We Welcome People From All Backgrounds and Sectors Struggling With Addiction to Inappropriate Content"

A 9-year-old child innocently writes about the content he has been exposed to, which greatly disturbs his peace of mind. A 24-year-old woman writes with a broken heart: 'I discovered what my husband is watching on the computer. I want to help him, he wants help, but we don't know what to do.' A 30-year-old bachelor describes in shame: 'I am so embarrassed, but I don't know how to stop it. I live alone; nobody knows what I do with the computer...'

These fragments of human stories are just three messages out of thousands received annually by the 'Guard Your Eyes' organization, which operates websites in English, Hebrew, and several other languages. The organization aims to help religious people exposed through the Internet to inappropriate content, and who find it difficult to stop watching it. Some are even truly addicted.

"It all started about eight years ago," says Yechezkel Shteltzer, the organization's CEO. "I was working at the time in a religious youth village for at-risk ultra-Orthodox youth, and we were looking for effective treatment for internet addictions. There was very little material on the subject, and the only thing I found was a site in English called Guard Your Eyes, founded by someone from Beitar Illit. I approached him, and it turned out that this site had already achieved successes in America. We decided to travel together to the USA to raise funds, meet with the Council of Torah Sages and Jewish organizations - and following the help and encouragement we received, we opened a site in Hebrew as well as sites in additional languages. Today we have 20,000 people registered on our various sites."

The 'Guard Your Eyes' sites provide a wide range of tools for quitting unwanted content on the internet: advice on effective filtering means, a daily motivational email, a success tracking table, special software developed by experts for recovery, support forums, a hotline, articles, phone groups, and even face-to-face meetings. People who are ashamed to ask for help, Shteltzer says, still dare to approach the site. "The very elements that allow them to develop an addiction—accessibility and anonymity of the internet—also enable them to use the site without hesitation. They can receive much help without revealing their identity at all."

How prevalent is the problem of viewing inappropriate content among all observant communities?

"It is a phenomenon that has reached epidemic proportions. It mainly depends on the level of exposure to advanced technology in any particular public, and among the non-ultra-Orthodox religious public, this exposure level is very high. According to our checks, something like 90% of boys and significant percentages of girls in the religious public view inappropriate content, what is called 'obscene content,' through advanced technology means. Naturally, the more closed the sector is and the less exposure there is to technology—the lower these percentages of exposure are. In the ultra-Orthodox community, it's definitely much less, but it exists there too."

How is it possible that even in the ultra-Orthodox community, where warnings about internet dangers are constantly sounded, youth can still fall into this trap? The answer is simple. "Fifty percent of ultra-Orthodox families have the internet," quotes Shteltzer with a known figure. "And as incredible as it sounds—most have unfiltered internet!"

How is it possible for an ultra-Orthodox family to have unfiltered internet?

"People have all kinds of excuses. Sometimes they filtered the internet in the past, and the filtering bothered them, so they removed it. Sometimes it is about people who installed the internet long ago, when the great rabbis spoke unequivocally against any internet and not just unfiltered internet. So, they have already become accustomed, unfortunately, not to listen to the rabbis in this matter... and many times, these are people who declare, 'It won't happen to me.' It doesn't interest them, and they aren't looking for those things, they say. And their kids? Their kids are pure and innocent and wouldn't even know how to look for such things on the internet."

So before discussing treatment, let's talk about prevention. What should parents do to ensure safe browsing for the family?

"First of all, not to rely on the innocence of children. If there is open internet, they will find everything. Curiosity in children is natural—we can even say that a child who doesn't show such curiosity is somewhat abnormal. So, it is very important to install appropriate protections. We have a site in Hebrew and English called 'VeNishmartem,' where we offer filtering solutions for all devices, including phones. There is a new software we are working on in the USA that reports to parents where exactly and clearly the child has browsed. There are filters of all kinds. Anyone who enters our site will discover an effective screening solution for every technological device.

"It's also important to stay alert and update our technological knowledge. Sometimes parents don't know that a laptop can connect to an unfiltered internet provider from the environment, that one needs to ensure no device has access to unfiltered internet. Not allow children to go to houses where there are unfiltered devices. Explain to children in a way that is appropriate to their age and sector about the dangers of such contents exposure—but not to scare them too much, lest they have already been exposed, and you are unaware.

"Beyond that, parents must talk openly with children. Rabbi Volbe writes in 'Zriah Ubinian BeChinuch' that every father must explain to his son the biological facts about body development and the prohibitions related to it. In a more open society, if there is a fear that the child will be exposed to this from other sources—a suitable explanation of the issue of coupling is needed. It's essential to conduct this conversation in time—even before the bar mitzvah. And of course, there are things to explain to very young children: such as the dangers of inappropriate touching. There are books adapted for our community that can help with this. Overall, parents need to always keep the pulse, and give children the feeling they can talk to them about anything."

Yechezkel Shteltzer, CEO

And if, despite everything, we caught a child 'red-handed'?

 "Of course, if we caught a child—at any age—watching inappropriate things, we need to talk to the child about the problems, the prohibitions, the risk of addiction and emotional destruction. If they are still young, we must also ensure they no longer have physical access to such contents. If, despite everything, the child still finds extreme ways to obtain these materials—there is no choice but to refer to a professional. You can consult us, and we will refer professionals who specialize in this treatment. Naturally, when they are older, if it's a 16-year-old teenager, for example, our ability to physically prevent access is much lower, but again, discussion, clarification, and providing material is necessary. Our organization produced a popular explanatory booklet specifically for this age. On the other hand, it's crucial not to panic too much and not to put too much pressure to avoid damaging the relations."

From prevention to treatment. The 'Guard Your Eyes' site is visited by adults (for children and adolescents, there is a parallel site called 'Tip Tipa') for whom prevention did not work or was not attempted - and they feel trapped in a hopeless quagmire.

How do you segment the population that comes to the site for help?

"People come from all sectors and all classes. The average age is 27. The overwhelming majority are men: about 10% of those addicted are women."

Is there a difference between single and married people?

"Not really. For someone who has only lightly touched the tip of the iceberg, perhaps marriage will help them. But for those truly addicted, marriage will not help. We always say that addicts should not marry until they address the problem, because marriage will only bring another person into a severe problem."

Participants use the site in different capacities. "There are 20,000 subscribers receiving the daily motivational email. Two thousand use the forum. One thousand participate in our phone support groups. Several thousands contact by phone or email to consult with a professional. Several hundred attend live groups."

Do you have a way to track recovery success?

"We keep regular contact with about 2000 people whose progress we know. There is a tool where people report their level of cleanliness from 90 days onwards, and we also ask for feedback on what helped them. We see how many people use it, how many succeed with the 'cleanliness tables,' how frequently they fall. When the issue hasn't reached the level of a real clinical addiction, the success rates are very high. Many people engage primarily with feelings of shame and guilt, the sense of sin - then they come to the site, realize many others are in the same boat, and find tools to cope. Some find the tracking table more helpful, some find group support—everyone finds what speaks to them most, and largely, they make it through. It doesn't mean the person will never fall again, but they will significantly reduce the difficulty of dealing with it and its impact on their life."

And what about those who have developed dependency or actual addiction?

"It depends on the level of dependence. We operate 12-step groups for those addicted but where addiction is still limited to viewing. Those who have also acted out, we send to other groups intended for that. Sometimes we also recommend checking the option of medication: this requires seeing a psychiatrist. In our toolset, there is indeed a natural supplement—a naturopathic product called Chasteberry—which can significantly weaken these impulses. We don't push this product too hard, but there is no doubt for people whose habits really throw them off balance, 'Chasteberry' can help."

In meetings held from time to time, the 'Guard Your Eyes' team meets thrilled and grateful former addicts. Even those who prefer to maintain anonymity send thanks. Their stories are touching. "125 days have passed since I joined the forum. 125 days ago, I was reborn. Yes, I see myself as a four-month-old baby. I see my soul growing day by day... I haven't prayed with such devotion for a long time. My learning has improved since serenity returned to my conscience. My family has never been closer than they have been in the past few months, and the list goes on. Thanks to you, my life has improved immensely. I can talk to my children about Judaism without feeling hypocritical" writes a user named Ephraim. Another user, Yitzhak, simply writes: "I was addicted for 12 years, always searching and wondering who could help me. A few months ago, I found your site. When I started seeing all the great information there, I was glued for hours. I must say that since then, I haven't fallen, *baruch Hashem*, and now I feel better than ever. You are much more than just an organization. To me, you are like Hashem's hospital."

In addition to helping addicts, 'Guard Your Eyes' provides resources and support for the wives of addicted men, women who often feel their world has collapsed when discovering what their husband sees on the computer in the wee hours. "We have a site for the partners of those struggling, a forum, a hotline, a phone group... we are working on ways the wife can help her husband, but also how she can help herself. In about half of the cases, the men genuinely want to get help, which, of course, makes it easier."

Shteltzer is not content with prevention and treatment activities for the religious public within the framework of 'Guard Your Eyes' and its satellite sites. He is also active within the 'Future of Our Children' lobby to promote legislation that would require minimal internet filtering as a default for all users. "This will, of course, not be sufficient filtering for religious people, but it will prevent the worst and also raise awareness of the subject. British Prime Minister David Cameron tried to promote a similar law. In our country, more and more MKs are opening up to the idea, and already 40 of them have signed proposals for laws on this."

How does the general public view the issue of inappropriate internet content?

"Today it's understood that this is not a religious issue. In the USA, there is a secular organization named 'Fight the New Drug' fighting this. In our country, there are people who understand the danger, such as anthropologist Tamir Leon. When I started with this topic, people told me to drop it, saying it's normal for youths to watch such things, that it's not a problem. Today, slowly, the catastrophic consequences are starting to be realized. It impacts health, sanity, relationships, worldview, the tendency to objectify women, and even the potential to harm another person. People who didn't grow up in this generation simply don't understand not only how available and accessible this content is but how aggressive, extreme, and even perverted it has become. Naturally, without a halachic ban, awareness builds much slower. In the general public, something like 80% of men visit these sites several times a week, which is quite a high level of dependence. It will take time for the world to acknowledge that this is indeed a drug—but we're on the way."

'Guard Your Eyes' website: https://gye.org.il/