I Knocked on the Rabbi's Door and Cried: "If You Don't Let Me In, I'm Giving Up Judaism"

Many people will testify that they owe their spiritual lives to Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, and they are likely all correct. However, few stories are as unique as that of Oren Heller. This is a story that teaches us about the Rabbi's open door and his unique sensitivity to each Jew. You will never catch Oren Heller without a smile on his face. Some of you may know him as the clown and magician 'Ornico Bonbonico', a character long associated with him. Yet his life wasn't always this way; in fact, it was quite the opposite.

Oren's childhood wasn't easy. His parents abandoned him when he was young, leaving him without a stable family, moving from place to place and family to family. "I was a nomadic child, without a roof over my head, without stability, sleeping in public gardens, at the lifeguard's sukkah, on benches in the street. I lived in both Jewish and Arab foster families, stayed in hostels, the Shanti House, the warm home, and the outside world was very cold," he summarizes.

At a certain stage, he attempted to enlist in the army, which proved to be a challenging task. Eventually, after a four-year struggle, Heller was enlisted as a lone soldier. After completing his military service, he began working as part of an entertainment team at a hotel by the Dead Sea, marking the beginning of his acquaintance with Judaism.

Give Me the Strength Not to Smoke on Shabbat

"During the time I worked at the hotel, I traveled for a meeting in Jerusalem." Heller was in a very low state, but there, at his lowest point, a person he met in Jerusalem wanted to help him and introduced him to a man named Harel Hatzeroni. "Harel spoke to my heart—and his words truly entered. Harel invited me for Shabbat, but I had a shift with the entertainment team. Nevertheless, I decided to go back to the Dead Sea, pack my things, and head to him. As I left the hotel, the shift manager told me, 'If you go for Shabbat, you have nowhere to return,' but I felt that I was making the right step.

"I returned to Jerusalem forty minutes before Shabbat. How do I get to Shvut Rachel, to Harel's house? I was lost in Jerusalem; in my daze, a car nearly hit me, the driver yelled at me, but I simply asked where he was headed. It turned out he was going my way, so I found myself a ride. As Shabbat set in, I said, 'Hashem, give me the strength not to smoke on Shabbat'—and from that Shabbat, I managed to quit smoking. That's how I spent another Shabbat, and another, slowly becoming stronger."

Baby naming ceremony for Yosef Chaim Heller, with Rabbi Ovadia Yosef

Shortly after, Heller met two scholars who wanted to find a suitable yeshiva for him. They took him on a journey through yeshivas, ending with Heller enrolling in the yeshiva of Rabbi Aharon Biton, the son-in-law of Rabbi Reuven Elbaz in Armon Hanatziv. It wasn't easy for him.

"I had a hard time with the Gemara at first; everyone studied while I wandered the city. I understood nothing. It was a very frustrating time for me. One day, I came to play at a brit held at the Yechaveh Daat study hall, where Rabbi Ovadia was the sandek. Unfortunately, I missed meeting the Rabbi, and I cried because I wanted so much to meet him. He had already gone to his room, so I knocked on the door and began to cry, screaming that if I wasn't let in, I would leave Judaism behind and abandon everything."

"Avraham Shlomi, his driver, asked me over the intercom what all the shouting was about. I cried and told him I was struggling with the Gemara and wanted to leave Judaism because maybe this religious life wasn't for me. He told me 'wait a moment,' spoke with the Rabbi, and brought me in for the first time in my life."

Sleep Here, Eat Here, My Home is Open to You

Avraham sat Heller beside him and asked him to wait until the Rabbi, who was immersed in Torah study, could see him. That's where Oren's life truly changed. "I watched the Rabbi for several minutes, and suddenly he put his books down, drew me close, gave me a pat on the back and said, 'Don't leave Judaism, heaven forbid; you're a beautiful young man, I'll arrange a wedding for you.' I began crying again, and he began crying with me. It was incredible; he had never seen me before, but without knowing me, he described my entire situation, understanding what I was going through like a psychologist or a prophet."

"Then he told me, 'Tell your Rabbi that I exempt you from studying Gemara, learn only legends and tales, only those.' The Rabbi knew that to bring me back, he had to start with stories. The Rabbi pulled out Tractate Berakhot and began teaching me, line by line, like a child. He hugged me and taught me at the expense of his study time, then told me 'my home is open to you whenever you want, and any question you have should be brought only to me. Here you'll be, here you'll sleep, here you'll eat, this is your home.' I went back to the yeshiva and told the Rabbi that from now on I won't study Gemara. He asked why. I told him 'Rabbi Ovadia Yosef said so,' and he accepted it."

At the end of that meeting, Rabbi Avraham Shlomi decided to take Oren under his wing and moved him into his parents' house in Cat Square. They became Oren's new parents, and at the same time, he continued to study Torah and even challenged himself: "Slowly, I also learned Gemara. After eight months, I completed Tractate Chagigah and went to Rabbi Ovadia to inform him. Many wanted to enter to see the Rabbi, but because he was not feeling well, only I was let in; a wall separated us, and the Rabbi, without seeing me and knowing it was me, asked the driver, 'Avraham, tell me, that young man who was here eight months ago, has he managed with the Gemara? Managed with the Aramaic?' When I told him I completed Tractate Chagigah, he was very happy and told me to move on to Taanit, but to also continue learning legends."

Signing his book with the Rabbi

The Last Escape to the Sea

During the semester break, Oren experienced a spiritual crisis that led him to run away: "There was no one at the yeshiva, and I had no one to study with. In a moment's decision, I chose to return to the Dead Sea, to the entertainment team. I hitched a ride to the Dead Sea, and a woman, who didn't appear religious, stopped to pick me up. She asked what I was doing, and I told her. The moment she heard my story, she turned around, gave up her vacation, and took me back to Rabbi Ovadia Yosef's home.

'Your place is not at the Dead Sea, your place is at the yeshiva,' she decreed, saying she would buy me everything, a hat, tefillin, a tallit... It turned out she was none other than Knesset member Estherina Tartman. It also turned out she was the granddaughter of Chacham Menashe, author of "Ahavat Chaim", one of the 36 righteous individuals, whom Rabbi Ovadia Yosef himself taught in his lesson. She brought me into Rabbi Ovadia's home and told Rabbi Avraham Shlomi: 'This young man almost ran away from you—take him and care for him.'

Avraham Shlomi prepared me matzah with cottage cheese and then brought me to Rabbi Ovadia, who said to him, 'He is alone during breaks, bless him to be married by the next break, so he won't be alone.' The Rabbi blessed me and promised a match soon. Indeed, by the next break, I was already married."

Today, Oren Heller is happily married, a father to children, living in Safed, and working in teaching and music. He shares his story with longing, pain, but also joy. He knows that without Rabbi Ovadia, his life would look very different.