The Secret is in Unity: How Jacqueline Elharar Raised 18 Children

Jacqueline Elharar is truly an exceptional woman. She has a warm and generous heart, whose Jewish pulses can be felt even through the telephone. Elharar (69) from Kiryat Shmona is the mother of 18 children, and if you ask her how she did it, her answer is simple: "In our household, everyone helps each other."

For those wondering, Elharar's eldest daughter is 54, while her youngest is 28. She raised her family gloriously, alongside her husband Shlomo, a career army officer, for whom the army is "his second family," as she puts it. Today, Elharar reaps the rewards, enjoys her grandchildren, and looks forward to marrying off her two single children. And what does she say to those who worry about financial hardships? "Every child brings their own luck."

Elharar immigrated from Morocco in the late 1950s when Sephardic Jews moved to Israel. She was 15 when she arrived in Kiryat Shmona with her parents and siblings. Within days, she met Shlomo, then a recently discharged soldier from the IDF, now a retiree and volunteer in the IDF. "I was born in Morocco, in Casablanca, and in 1959 I came to Israel with my parents and brother," she recounts. "We came to Kiryat Shmona, and as soon as I came to the country, I got married. Within the first two weeks, I met my husband. He was a discharged soldier who came to the country with the youth aliyah. He came to the area where our house was to look for his parents, and he found me. That's our luck, that's how fate wanted it."

In those days, Elharar recalls, it was customary for a girl to stay at home. "That's how it was for us in Morocco. The girls stayed at home. When I came to Israel, I didn't do anything, I mean, I didn't work; I just got married to Shlomo. We had a modest wedding. It was a wedding of new immigrants." The newlyweds began building a home, and they had a firstborn daughter. "After we married, *b'ezrat Hashem* (with God's help), we started having children," she recalls, "The truth is my husband was religious while I came from a traditional home. I remember that we always talked about the Torah. After I gave birth to our first daughter, *b'ezrat Hashem*, we had a child every year."

Wasn't it hard?

"We are people who didn't want to do things that would, God forbid, prevent bringing children into the world because we follow the Torah's path. That's our faith, in the way of the Creator of the world, that it's forbidden to abort, and we just followed our faith. To bring children into the world, you need to love and to sacrifice. You also need to choose: to give to them before giving to ourselves. That's how we were. That's how we live with faith and understanding that prevents no person from coming into the world."

Shlomo and Jacqueline Elharar

What did you do? Did you work?

"I didn't work; I took care of the children. My husband worked various jobs until he joined the career army. From then until now, he’s been in the army as a volunteer. I took care of the home, but my husband helped a lot. I loved raising the children very much, and it's important to remember that it wasn't easy then; the conditions weren't like today. We were new immigrants, I married a discharged soldier, and it wasn't easy. But we had faith, and I didn't deprive the children of anything. Not that I'm saying everything was perfect, but we didn't cry to anyone and made do with what we had."

How do you manage nevertheless?

"Thank God, there were challenges. Not everything was rosy; for example, there wasn't always money, but there was love, warmth, and affection. That radiance supported us. The love, warmth, and unity we gave them held the family together. Each supported the other, and *b'ezrat Hashem*, that’s how we raised them. Thank God, I have an adult son who studied at the Jerusalem center of Torah and four sons who studied at the Rashbi yeshiva."

In a family where 18 children grow up, thank God, birthdays, holidays, and Shabbats become a sort of military operation, but it seems Elharar's optimistic spirit is what turned raising children into a meaningful maternal experience. "Birthdays are all right," she says and laughs, "one helps the other so that if one forgets, the other reminds them, and so they wish everyone without forgetting anyone. The help and unity is what defines us. For example, when they were little, they slept together. It was a unique warmth. The kids slept head-to-foot and shared one blanket, and everything was good. Today, as adults, thank God, they are in good unity with each other. One doesn’t like to be angry with another."

As for the natural question of what the Shabbat or holiday table looks like at the Elharar household, the mother immediately says: "Our holiday table is beautiful, like the table of every Israeli family. I cook for everyone, and as usual, one helps another. That's how it is in our home, and that's how it works—when one helps another. When you water a tree, it bears fruit, so what we gave, we receive."

And how are the holiday preparations at your place? Like a military operation?

"My children love their parents' home, so they aren't willing to give it up, especially during the holidays. Thank God, we cook together and do everything together. Naturally, there's a lot of preparation."

Of her 18 children, only four live in Kiryat Shmona. The rest are scattered throughout the country. However, she keeps in touch and sees them on Shabbats when they come to visit. "The children call me every day. They don't wait for me to call because they know I'm not one for the phone. Nonetheless, I call when there's a grandchild's birthday and keep in good touch with them. I don't miss any military ceremony of my grandchildren. I have three grandchildren in the army, and I don't give up. I go to all of them."

What excites you?

Everything, for example, when the children get married or when the grandchildren have a Bar Mitzvah. When there’s family, everything is thrilling within it. Now, I’m looking forward, God willing, to marrying off my two single children."

What do you have to say to families who choose not to have many children?

"I’m often asked this question, and the truth is I have no answer. Everyone acts according to how they view their life. I can say a big family is good and beautiful, but it comes at the expense of something, so there are disadvantages and advantages. Today, they say it's very hard to have many children, and their claim against my generation is that we didn't work, while they work and pay 3,000 shekels for daycare. I can’t judge them, but if only I could influence." However, Elharar has an emotional message: "Though I can’t decide for anyone, but if you can have children, then why not? Every child is born with their own luck and livelihood. Thank God, I'm glad I have many children. Each child is a blessing in themselves, and each brings their own happiness. I’m aware today there are many demands from the children. It's not like the generation of my children. When I raised them, we made do with little, although I didn’t deprive them of anything. If I needed to buy clothes, I would forgo for the children, and so did my husband. I wish you, Israel, that children multiply, God willing, amen, and there will be light in every house in Israel."