Rabbi Avner Kwass: No Unsuccessful Couples, Only Unguided Couples

Behind Rabbi Avner Kwass are 26 years of dedication to public service. His impressive resume includes hundreds of lectures, books, pamphlets, and thousands of happy couples. Among them are those who were just a step away from divorce but saved their relationships and found renewed happiness thanks to his guidance.

So how did it all begin? At home with mom and dad. Rabbi Kwass was born in Jerusalem to a religious family. After his marriage, when the stage was set to give back beyond his home, the newlyweds began engaging in outreach and assisting couples before and after marriage. "After our marriage, my wife and I decided to lead a program for guiding brides and grooms, which greatly integrated us into the community," recalls Rabbi Kwass. "Naturally, many cases of marital issues or child education began coming our way. Thank Hashem we were granted the tools and methods to help those couples. That's how our work really started. My wife was training the women, providing bridal guidance and advising married women, while I guided the men."

Rabbi Kwass. Relationship expert

Over time, Rabbi Kwass pursued Torah studies that qualified him as a rabbi and judge, thus encompassing the halakhic aspect as well. Over the years, he authored two books on the Jewish home: 'Three Points to Marriage' and the book 'Together.' He is currently working on the second part of 'Together.'

He began delivering his engaging, witty, and wise lectures filled with Jewish wisdom across the country even before age 18. Simultaneously, he collaborated with the 'Arachim' organization and participated in hundreds of Jewish seminars. In 2003, he founded 'Education for Family Life,' an organization that anchors Rabbi Kwass's extensive activities by offering workshops on relationship education. It also provides the public with a network of certified and leading consultants in various fields—doctors, spiritual leaders, and others committed to delivering specific and professional answers alongside Torah guidance. "From my experience, you can deliver a three-hour lecture, excite and inspire the audience, and even get them to commit seriously to themselves," says Rabbi Kwass, "but most people do not hold onto such commitments for long. The reason is simple—one lecture cannot perform the same function as an intensive workshop of 8-12 meetings. However, when you accompany people for six months and work closely with them, you see the learning internalize and witness firsthand the substantial changes within."

Who are these workshops suitable for?

"For the entire spectrum. From people who do not observe religious commandments to the ultra-Orthodox and Hasidic. What is great about these workshops is that there's no situation where participants do not understand what the rabbi meant. The workshops are packed with many practical tips, making them far more effective and significant than a one-time lecture."

Watch Rabbi Kwass teaching on education, parents, and children:

The cooperation with Hidabroot arose when the organization's activities expanded, and Hidabroot Channel evolved from a local station to a channel broadcast on cable. At this juncture, Rabbi Kwass decided to become an integral part of outreach efforts on the Hidabroot Channel, sharing dozens of his recorded lectures to benefit the channel's viewers, praying that they strengthen their spirituality with greater vigor.

Relationships? An Age-old Talmudic Issue

Why does this generation need to talk so much about relationships? Previously, no one spoke much about this topic, and our grandparents got along quite well.

"I'll share a little secret. When I started sharing my views, one well-known lecturer approached me and said, in his humble opinion, I shouldn't lecture about relationships. He argued that if I want to bring Jews closer, I should make them believe in Hashem. How do I do that? Through lectures that combine scientific proofs with Torah. Of course, alongside my focus on relationships, I discuss many other issues such as the weekly Torah portion, character development, Judaism, halakha, family purity, and more, yet I believed otherwise. I told him that in my opinion every Jew, even someone who appears completely atheistic, indeed believes in Hashem. Today there's not a single lecturer who doesn't talk about relationships. And why? Because relationships are the bread and butter of this generation, meaning essential necessities. The relationship issue is a social problem described for years in the Talmud. The Talmud prepares us for the end of days and explicitly states 'Not a hunger for bread, nor a thirst for water - but for hearing the words of Hashem.' The burning issues of this generation are parent-child relationships - and anyone who wants to succeed in relationships and education has a strong obligation to investigate the word of Hashem on this matter."

Family first. Rabbi Kwass

"A man and a woman, if they merit - the Divine presence is between them: what does merit mean? It means purification. What are we purifying? Ourselves, the negative traits inherent in each and every one of us - and this can only be achieved through deep learning and prolonged support. Our grandparents lived well together because society of those days condemned anyone who thought about divorce. They had to get along - and behold, they managed and even lived well. In this generation, people are not willing to work hard and look for the 'easy' solutions, which, on deeper examination, always turn out to be the wrong solutions. My motto is that there's no unsuccessful couple - only unguided couples. As soon as you receive the right guidance and are willing to work and invest, you can overcome any difficulty and any obstacle along the way."

Family Before Everyone

In addition to all his other activities, Rabbi Kwass's main focus is his family of thirteen. For those wondering how he has time for everyone? It’s quite simple. Until noon, Rabbi Kwass devotes himself to Torah study. Afterward, he comes home for lunch and dedicates all his attention to family matters. No phones, no daily pressures. "Family comes before everything and everyone," admits the rabbi. 

Don't you ever have moments of breakdown, times when you just want some time for yourself?

"No doubt there are difficulties, and not a few. After all, I'm hearing problems and troubles all day. However, thank Hashem - there is no breakdown. That's why I'm here. People don't call me to say how good they feel; they call because they need advice, mental support, and guidance. My fulfillment comes from studying Torah, and it is well known that Torah gives you the strength to deal with things. Since I don't have any half-hour lectures, it's easy to understand that the engagement itself is very draining and tiring. Many times I arrive at a lecture and feel such a wave of exhaustion that I hardly have the strength to get out of the car. Yet, the moment I see the audience, ready and waiting for me, I feel as though it’s the first lecture I have ever given. It happens to me time and again, and it's unbelievable - it's divine assistance I receive thanks to the audience."

Is the ability to motivate someone to learn how to improve their relationship acquired, or is it innate?

"Of course, studying courses in the field is not harmful. Still, a person who has good dynamics with people, one who is gifted with good mimicry skills and knows how to engage and captivate with their speech, will succeed in this field even without completing countless courses. Certainly, they can learn how to stand on stage and how to speak to an audience, but undoubtedly you need the innate spice, the fundamental humane skills that cannot always be taught.

"Of course, to any learning, experience is added. Over the years, experience grows, and you immediately know how to delve deeper into the core issues. From my experience, I learned that someone involved in counseling and whose role is to make peace between a man and his wife should not become emotionally involved in the problem they are trying to solve. You must always keep yourself outside of the matter and not get emotionally swept into their story. To get someone out of the pit, you have to be outside and above the pit. Those lacking this experience may easily get bogged down with the couple after numerous repeated sessions without really touching upon the problem. When you have experience, you know what to ask, how to focus the couple on observing the real issue, and identifying where everything begins and what the problem stems from. So in my humble opinion, success stems from both parameters – innate and acquired talent."