Like every regular day this past year, on the morning of last Tuesday, Rabbi Ron Ilan went for the Shacharit prayer at the Torah Community Synagogue in his Har Nof neighborhood. There, the rabbi intended to serve as the prayer leader. But nothing prepared him for what really happened there. In a special interview, he shares the moments of terror, the immense pain, and also the evident miracles they witnessed amid the horrific massacre.

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"Since my mother passed away this year, I took upon myself to be a prayer leader in her memory," describes the rabbi excitedly. "I was supposed to start the repetition as the leader after the Shemoneh Esrei prayer, so I stepped out momentarily to wash my hands in the nearby kitchen. Upon entering, I saw an Arab young man standing close enough for a 'hug' distance from me, and I felt a twinge of fear. But since it's quite common for Arabs to enter our synagogue occasionally to deliver goods to the kitchen, like coffee and tea for the congregants, I didn’t give too much importance to my suspicion. When he lingered there, I thought he was making himself some coffee, but then he left empty-handed, which seemed odd to me. But seeing that the kitchen was really out of cups, I figured he wanted to make coffee but saw the cups were finished, so he left.

Saw miracles. The attack site (Photo: Flash 90)

"It turned out he entered to observe the worshipers to determine the timing of his scheme, then stepped out to call the second terrorist, his partner in the massacre, who was waiting in a car. He told him it was the right time because most prayer attendees were still in the midst of the Shemoneh Esrei prayer, and had their backs to the entrance, making them prime targets for an attack without resistance. Minutes later, when he returned with his partner, I had just begun my repetition as the prayer leader. I had just spoken the words 'and brings a redeemer to their children' when I suddenly heard a deafening noise. I immediately turned around to see one of them, armed with a pistol, with fiery eyes, moving person to person among the worshipers, shooting them. They entered through the main entrance, unaware of the alternative back exit. I rushed out the back without being noticed and started yelling for someone to call the police.

"Upon returning there later, I discovered that the person standing in my usual spot near the bimah - the same spot I regularly prayed at before my mother passed away and I became the prayer leader - faced an incredibly harsh burial. He died under terrible circumstances. He was a strong man and tried to confront the terrorists, but ultimately, the bullets overcame him. I feel that my mother protected me from above. That she pleaded for my life with tears, and her prayers were answered because she was a great and righteous woman, who was also a widow for nearly fifty years, and the cries of widows are always heard in the heavens."

Additionally, Rabbi Ilan describes that apart from the terrorist armed with a gun, the second terrorist was armed with a giant butcher knife, and together they carried out the terrible slaughter. "The terrorist with the knife approached another worshiper in the quorum, and he lifted a table to defend himself, only to see that behind him was the second terrorist who was reloading his pistol. The worshiper threw the table at him and fled. Thank Hashem it worked, and he was saved."

"I've already encountered the Angel of Death twice in my life"

For Rabbi Ilan, who served as an Israeli Air Force pilot in his past and later became observant, this encounter with death wasn’t a first. "The first times I faced the Angel of Death happened when I was young, during my military service as a pilot. In one instance, I joined a flight that a friend was piloting, and while sitting next to him, the plane nearly crashed and we were miraculously saved. Then I realized for the first time that Hashem was trying to tell me: 'Change direction and path in life.' This time, in the synagogue, I felt He was asking me to deepen the path a bit more, to take things more seriously, with a little more self-sacrifice. It's clearly stated that 'he who learns a hundred times is not like one who learns a hundred and one times.'"

Another chilling story Rabbi Ilan shares relates to one of his sons-in-law, who apparently foresaw the attack a day before it occurred. The son-in-law, a scribe by profession, decided a day before to practice writing certain letters for a special order he received. For this, he wrote certain words on a parchment, and after the attack, when he looked at the combination of those words, he was shocked to see they depicted exactly what happened. And he had written: "Arrow Slain Salvation Will Be Tomorrow".

How do you cope with such a disaster?

"When I was in flight training, we were in the preparatory course, a very challenging stage that even now I recall with shudders. We underwent treks of 80 and even 120 kilometers on foot under very harsh conditions. At some point, you barely remember your own name from the strain and effort. I remember once asking one of my journey companions, why do we go through all this? And he answered me: 'If you don’t do this, you'll never know how much strength you have to do things.' And I have carried that statement with me since. Everyone needs to know that each of us has tremendous powers within us that we're unaware of, and only through hardships and challenges do we discover them.

"Moreover, just this morning, there were reporters from various channels waiting for me outside my home, asking for an interview. One of them asked me how we, as believers, accept this massacre, and I told him: 'You should know, not an Arab, not a Pole, or any non-Jew can harm a single hair on a Jew's head. We are considered 'My firstborn Israel,' and Hashem loves us most of all, but even a father sometimes has no choice, and has his own calculations that we might never understand. But everything that happened there, happened under precise divine providence.

"We saw people who had been praying at this minyan for years and, remarkably, were absent the morning of the attack. One participant, for example, suddenly woke up with a swollen leg, and after his wife urged him, decided not to go to prayer. There was another participant, usually in good health, but the night before the attack he suffered from a high fever and couldn’t wake up in time to pray with us.

"On the other hand, there were also those who never pray there, and on that particular morning had some engagement in the area, so they came to pray there, not realizing they were going to sanctify Hashem's name in martyrdom, amidst holy and pure ones. There was also a friend of mine who, upon hearing the commotion, ran down the stairs towards the synagogue and the terrorist aimed the gun at him and attempted to shoot twice, but for some reason, the gun just didn’t fire. And this was the same pistol that moments later killed other worshipers.

"I think it's appropriate in times like this not to focus on security lapses or attempts to understand what we could have done differently because it will only distract us from the real goal Hashem is directing us to - to awaken and draw closer to Him. It's important for each of us to conduct a personal introspection. You don’t need to walk around a room littered with bodies and the stench of blood to realize the value of life. There is no doubt the pain is immense, and it cries out to the heavens. I knew all the victims personally. To think that from today on, 24 orphans will grow up without a father is overwhelming. One of the widows also mentioned she was planning to retire soon, hoping to have more time with her husband, but now she'll return to an empty house every time. The pain is immense, but it's important to remember that the Jews are a strong people. We bury our dead and move forward. And it must be acknowledged that despite everything, someone is hurting more than us - and that is the Creator of the World."