Escaping the Inferno: Dana Recovering from Trauma with Ahmed

If this story weren’t true, it could be a decent script for a drama series: unfortunately, even though there are many similar stories, this one is unforgettable. Even for its main character, Dana (real name withheld), years since it happened, this story continues to have a profound impact. Almost a decade later, Dana is still picking up the pieces. 

"Since the relationship with the Arab guy, I've been depressed," says Dana (pseudonym), sobbing and struggling to speak, "I go to the emergency room several times a week, and I’m treated at a mental health clinic. My body systems are collapsing from nerves, from the trauma I went through." 

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Dana's story is the story of hundreds of Jewish women who unfortunately fell into the trap and were tempted to date an Arab. In this case as well, the courting formula worked like magic: a superficial acquaintance in the neighborhood, enthusiastic and friendly courting, showering with gifts and attention, gaining trust, and finally—like a spider trapping its prey in its web, so did the Arab guy trap the young Jewish woman. Today, Dana, a young woman in her 30s, lives in the north and tries to hold onto anything possible to start a new life, but memories of the past don't let go of her. 

When Dana was a young woman, only 20 years old, she met an Arab living nearby who was constantly around, trying to win her heart. "I was strong," she recalls, "I said I would never go out with Arabs. Moreover, I couldn’t understand girls who did. I would always say: ‘What’s missing in our Jewish boys that I would go out with an Arab boy? Never!'"

But declarations are one thing, and reality is another. A few years later, Dana met Ahmed, who set his mind on gaining Dana's trust. To achieve his goal, he used every means at his disposal: gifts, compliments, phone calls, and unsolicited approaches on the street. "What didn't he do just so I would agree once to say hello to him on the street," she remembers, "I reached a point where I was begging him to leave me alone. I explained that I don't date Arabs, that it’s a principle, but he didn’t ease up. Eventually, I decided to respond to his advances."

Abortion at Six Months

After two years of relations, the "pink dream" turned into a nightmare. "Once I was his, closely tied to him and he had gained my trust, I went through a very harsh abuse process. For instance, if we were walking together on the street and I casually glanced at passersby, he would assume I was looking at another guy, grabbing my head and banging it against the car, a sign, or a lamppost. If I didn’t answer his phone calls immediately, when we met, I would get beaten." Despite the severe beatings, Dana stayed with Ahmed.

After four years of the relationship, Dana had an unexpected pregnancy. "Throughout the pregnancy, I continued to receive beatings from him, and when I reached the sixth month, at 25 weeks, suddenly he got the idea in his head that I didn’t deserve to have children. He forced me to have an abortion, which was essentially the birth of a dead baby. To this day, I have the ultrasound picture of the fetus, which was already a complete baby. Nowhere agreed to perform the abortion. They told us unequivocally: ‘At this stage, you have a complete child, with all the internal and external organs.’ Eventually, the abortion was performed deceitfully in a central hospital in the country."

Before the abortion, Helen, an activist in the Mom’s Department for preventing abortions from the Hidabroot organization got involved. Although Helen couldn’t stop the action, she referred Dana to a Hidabroot activist who is engaged day and night in rescuing girls from such situations. "Ahmed would come in the middle of the night, call to say he’s downstairs, and out of fear, I would go down even though I knew I was going to get beaten. I was afraid of him and frightened that my family, with whom I lived, would discover the connection. I was trapped and even more afraid to file complaints. I used to call that activist in the middle of the night, and he helped me a lot."

After the abortion, Dana’s mental state deteriorated. "Since the abortion, my life has been ruined," she sobs and struggles to continue speaking. "Despite everything, we continued to be in touch, but this time I was very afraid of him. On one hand, there were moments when he treated me nicely—kept calling and showing up whenever he wanted. On the other hand, the abuse continued. Since the relationship with him, I’ve been depressed. I go to the emergency room two to three times a week and receive treatment at the mental health clinic. My body systems collapsed due to the trauma."

Where was your family in all this?

"My father passed away, and my mother was working all day. My sister was busy with her own life, so they didn’t really notice. When I became pregnant, of course, I hid the fact that the father was Arab. When I miscarried, I told them the father didn’t want the child and so I had to abort. I hid everything so well, they had no way of knowing how much I was in distress."

In addition to the physical and mental abuse, Dana also described attempts by Ahmed to persuade her to convert to Islam. "I didn’t agree because I didn’t want to harm my family. He always said that if I did, I would live with him. This was also a way to punish me—every time I refused to convert, he would say we wouldn’t move in together. Only when he beat me could he compel me to promise to convert. I insisted on refusing, and it cost me dearly each time."

"My Sister Admitted: I’m Seeing an Arab Who Hits Me"

It turns out that not only Dana fell into the trap of an Arab guy but also her sister—Ravit. After the abortion, Dana's mother received a frantic call from Ravit, screaming she was "about to die," as she put it. The mother quickly arrived at the house and found her daughter lying on the floor, bleeding. The panicked mother called an ambulance.

"I didn’t know anything," Dana shares, "when I arrived at the hospital, I was shocked. My sister was covered in blood, bruises, and marks. She was entirely bandaged and suffered from a broken leg. I thought Ahmed was responsible, but he denied any connection. At some point, it was just me and my sister in the room. I tried to coax her to understand who hurt her so badly. Fortunately, she opened up to me a lot, and to my regret, she told me she had been seeing an Arab for four years. She told me about an abortion she went through too, but in an earlier month.

"It turned out my sister wanted to break up with him, and he wanted revenge, so he sneaked into our house, knowing she was alone, and just beat her. When I heard all this, miraculously, I had the courage to convince her to do what I never managed—to file a police complaint against him. Later, he was arrested and released."

One day, while Ravit was walking alone, she experienced a kidnapping attempt. A young Arab picked her up in his car, locked her in, and beat her violently. At one point, he stepped out of the car for a moment, and in that split second, Ravit managed to call the police and report the kidnapping. Her exact location was quickly found via satellite sensors. After a police chase, the vehicle was seized, but the kidnapper managed to escape. Eventually, he was caught and released under restrictive conditions. Even then, he didn’t give up.

"He continued to follow my sister, and one day he waited for my mother and me to leave the house," Dana recalls, "I was the last one to leave, and a few minutes after I did, he came up. Although since the last incident we were careful to lock the door, my sister thought it was me and immediately opened the door. Unfortunately, he grabbed her by the hair, dragged her down to the ground floor, and drove her to an open field. She had a broken leg, and the other one was sprained, so she couldn’t escape. He abused her and then threatened her with a knife that if she dared to leave him, he would slaughter her and commit suicide."

Ravit took the opportunity to call the police when the guy left her to buy food. When the police cruiser arrived, she was immediately taken for medical treatment, and the guy once again managed to escape. At the hospital, it was identified that she had a worse fracture than before, and the other leg was bandaged with the sprain. At the police station, where she later went to file a complaint, she again lost consciousness and was hospitalized once more.

"I accompanied her to the police station, and a senior officer remarked to me: ‘What is this phenomenon of girls going out with Arabs?’ He shared that he daily encountered horror stories of Jewish women dating minorities." Ultimately, that guy was caught and imprisoned for two and a half years. After being released, he attempted to contact her again. "In the meantime, my sister rebuilt her life. She met a Jewish guy, who was a compensation for all she went through." Dana decided to help save her sister and traveled to his village. "I went to his family in the village to try and help her. I got to his grandfather's house, who immediately said when he saw me, ‘Come in!’ I came and told him, ‘Listen, I came after doing my homework.’ I said I understood he was the head of the family, and you don't break his word. I explained the situation and asked for his help. He called his son, who left his business and came. I explained to him that it could end with my sister's murder, and his son could end up in life imprisonment or suicide. Then, religious figures, respected sheikhs, joined the conversation, and arbitration was held, and ultimately it was decided that it was over. I was assured by them that he would never harass my sister again."

Don't Fall into the Honey Trap

A year ago, Ravit married a Jewish man. Dana cut all ties with the Arab she was dating and is still undergoing an extensive mental recovery process. In the process, she tries to help girls who find themselves in similar desperate situations.

Why is it so hard to end a relationship with a minority?

"There are several reasons. There’s the fear that the family will find out. So if he comes and calls for her or threatens, she immediately cooperates out of fear. Second, they usually target girls from broken homes, who dropped out of school, who have no profession or future, and are considered 'easy prey.' They pamper and buy them with money, and therefore it's hard to detach. It must be considered that they are also afraid to file a complaint, even when they already want to exit this relationship. There is another reason: they tell themselves, ‘He loves me and is jealous, that’s why he hits me,’ but it’s not true, because someone who loves doesn’t hit. They are also afraid that after such a story, no one else will want them. They feel tainted by him and prefer to stay with him than be alone. But every girl has her story. Just remember that there is no Arab who doesn’t beat and abuse."

Do you have any advice for someone in such a situation, or someone to avoid entering it in the first place?

"One piece of advice—nothing is worth it, neither money nor attention. I also came from a poor home. We can all go out, work, and earn money on our own, just don’t go out with them. And another message I would like to give to the state, and organizations trying to assist and rescue: they should try to give girls a leap forward. That means, don’t just take them out of the Arab villages or wake them up to understand that relationship isn’t for them, but care for the day after.

Make them feel equal and worthy. Help them create a new future. For example, fund vocational studies for them. Otherwise, when they remain in solitude or return to their tough homes, it’s only natural they go back to such a guy, if only for the little attention they receive from him. When a girl like that returns to independence, believes in herself, and supports herself, the chances of her falling back into such a story are very slim."

Dana has a heartfelt message for the girls: "Who better than me to understand the inexplicable attraction you have, beyond logic, to these guys. But a wise person learns from others' experiences. Listen to me. I also thought I was smart. The reality is that everyone who thought like me went through a hell that is best left unspoken. Don’t wait for an abortion or abuse that will leave scars you’ll carry to your last day. Just don’t get close to them. Don’t fall victim to this honey trap."