How Can We Love the Ones We Hate?

My heart aches from the divide among us. The people of Israel have recently split into two groups—for and against, and I find myself exhausted reading posts on social media, listening to endless divisive interpretations in the news, and even engaging in conversations with people who think differently than me. It's not that I don't want to, but rather that I feel it doesn't help. Everyone is entrenched in their position, everyone believes they are right, and nobody truly wants to hear the other side.

The discourse has become violent, personal and frightening. The phrase "Love your neighbor as yourself" is beginning to sound like a cliché, but it must be more than a catchy sticker—it is a way of life. We are commanded by the Torah to love every member of the people of Israel. Not only those who think like us, but even those who think the opposite of us and live entirely different lives.

How do we achieve this love? Below are some examples from the Torah, as well as a practical guide to loving others.

"The Lord is good to all; his compassion is over all that he has made"(Psalms 145:9)

Hashem loves all His creations without distinction, and His love is expressed through ongoing compassion and kindness.

The sages of Israel suggest adopting Hashem’s divine attributes and using them as our guiding light in daily life. This means that love for others is not just theoretical- we must love others by helping and caring for them, making an effort to help everyone in times of need. We must emulate Hashem’s divine attributes to fully realize our spiritual and social potential as human beings.

Hashem’s compassion extends to all creatures, even if they are not perfect. Compassion manifests in tolerance, empathy, and care, allowing every creature to have a second chance, to exist and grow.

According to the verse, we must emulate Hashem's ways by showing goodness and compassion toward every Jew, noticing the value in every creation, and approaching the world from a place of love. This is an important foundation that strengthens the sense of unity and respect for all creation.

"Be of the disciples of Aaron, love peace and pursue peace; love people and bring them closer to the Torah" (Avot, 1:12)

Aaron the Priest, a role model of love for others and striving for unity, exemplified how to bring hearts closer and resolve disputes with love and care. In a world where division between groups and people has become common, Aaron's idea is more relevant than ever. He teaches us to see diversity as a source of strength, not division.

Additionally, our sages emphasize the importance of empathy and understanding others: "Do not judge your fellow until you reach his place" (Avot 2:4). We must strive to understand another's perspective before we are quick to judge them.

Often, simple empathy can resolve tensions. For example, someone expressing anger in a family situation may be stressed due to circumstances unknown to other family members, such as work problems or financial issues. If we respond calmly and gently ask about their situation, we can reduce the anger and create an open conversation that leads to understanding and resolution.

We never know what another person is going through, their challenges, struggles, or experiences, and we therefore lack the tools to judge them fairly. Therefore, we must strive to reach the other’s world, attempting to understand the background and circumstances leading to their behavior. This Mishnah reminds us that we see only a small part of the full picture, so we must act with humility and caution before forming an opinion or, heaven forbid, judging another.

"Do not take vengeance or bear a grudge against members of your community, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am Hashem" (Leviticus 19:18)

One of the most well-known verses in the Torah is "Love your neighbor as yourself," which commands us to love others just as we love ourselves and our loved ones.

Rabbi Akiva said it is a "great principle of the Torah." Why? "Because this commandment encompasses all dimensions of moral work: loving others, loving Hashem, and self-love. All three are dependent and intertwined" (Rabbi Uri Sherki).

Moreover, Maimonides explained the verse in "Laws of Character Traits" and wrote that "Everyone is commanded to love each one of Israel as himself," stating "therefore one must speak in their praise, be careful with their money as he would with his own, and desire for them respect as he desires for himself."

"On three things the world stands: on the Torah, on the service [of God], and on acts of loving-kindness" (Avot 1:2)

Acts of kindness to help another, are one of the pillars of a just society. When we perform good deeds, we not only help others but also enhance our sense of belonging and meaning within the community. Sometimes, simple acts like a smile, a kind word, or practical help can make all the difference.

Acts of kindness and caring for the needs of others strengthens bonds between people and ensures a corrected and moral world. The Mishnah states that balanced lives emphasize spirituality (Torah), connection with the Creator (service), and social involvement (kindness). These three foundations together create a better and united world.

“He who sustains one soul as if he sustains a whole world" (Mishnah Sanhedrin 4:5)

This Mishnah reminds us of the unique value of each person and the tremendous impact of good deeds. Every action we do for someone’s benefit is not only of immediate benefit, but creates a lasting, perhaps unseen, effect on the whole society.

According to this principle, each soul is considered a whole world in itself because the life of one person can affect the environment and future generations infinitely. The Mishnah emphasizes the responsibility placed on each of us to preserve the lives of others, as saving a person is not just a personal act, but an investment in the entire world.

We must respect every person because everyone has the potential to impact and contribute to the world in their own way. Each act of saving a life or maintaining someone's dignity is not merely an isolated action, but one that affects all of creation.

"Who is honored? He who honors others" (Pirkei Avot 4:1)

This Mishnah implies a connection between the respect a person gives to others and the respect he receives in return.

Respect is a mutual circle. A person who respects others naturally receives respect back. True honor is built from recognition of the worth of others and not from demanding personal admiration ("Whoever chases honor, honor flees from him").

We must remember that every person is created in the image of God, and for that reason alone, they are worthy of respect. Conduct that respects the other expresses humility and is indicative of our value system. Furthermore, the respect one gives to others serves as a positive example and inspiration, strengthens relationships, and creates a healthy and respectful society.

Genuine respect does not depend on status or power but on one's attributes and ability to treat others with respect. Thus, the Mishnah offers a worldview where mutual respect is foundational to moral and harmonious living.

Unity in Our Time – Is this Possible?

In today’s reality, where disagreements and divisions sometimes seem routine, the aspiration for unity holds special significance. Unity isn't uniformity; it is acceptance and inclusion of the differences between people, with the understanding that our diversity is part of the rich fabric of society. The challenge is finding ways to build bridges between different groups and individuals, with the aim of creating a society based on equality, mutual respect, and support. Love for others, as taught by the Torah, is the key.

How Do We Love Those We Love to Hate?

It's not easy to admit, but we all have someone in our lives with whom we struggle. It could be a coworker who always criticizes us, a neighbor who plays loud music, or a family member who disregards our feelings. How can we consider loving them? Following are some simple tips to help you come closer to the concept of loving others:

1. Understand That Hatred Hurts Us Most

Hatred is like drinking poison and hoping someone else gets hurt from it. When we are angry or hold a grudge, we are the only ones who are hurt by it. Negative emotions not only hinder us emotionally, but also adversely affect our health. Studies show that prolonged hatred can raise stress levels, harm the immune system, and even cause heart problems.

2. Try to See Things From Their Perspective

Most people aren't malicious by nature. Perhaps that person is going through a tough time or maybe they have been treated badly. They may have grown up in a certain culture where everyone behaves and thinks like them and they didn't have any other choice. If you try to understand what drives them, and why they behave a certain way, you may discover compassion instead of anger.

3. Look for the Good

Even the most annoying person in the world has positive traits. When we focus on the good in them, we can change our attitude, and in turn, their attitude towards us may change.

For example, if the noisy neighbor is also a generous person who offers help when needed, focusing on this trait can help reduce our anger. When we focus on the good, suddenly the picture seems less negative.

4. Notice What You Gain From the Situation

It may be hard to believe, but there is something to learn from every challenging situation. The relationship with the person who annoys us can teach us about patience, humility, or even how to maintain our boundaries. This does not mean loving the negative behavior, but recognizing our personal growth from the relationship.

5. Take a Small Step of Kindness

Despite the initial instinct, try to be kind to that person, even if it doesn't feel natural. Sometimes such a gesture can break the ice and create a real change. It is said that "after actions, the hearts are drawn," meaning that if a person does a good deed often, their heart will eventually desire that deed, and it will come naturally.

Loving the ones we hate will not make us best friends but the goal is to let go of the negative feelings that weigh us down and find ways to relate to them in a more healthy and inclusive way. Ultimately, we're not doing it just for them, but also for ourselves. Life is too short to hate, so why not try to love?