"You Have to Hear This!": How to Avoid Lashon Hara

1. A good tip to reduce talking lashon hara (negative talk) is to make a small and partial commitment to stop a specific aspect of it, and fully adhere to it, such as: not speaking lashon hara with a particular person / about a specific person / on the mobile phone / during a certain hour.

2. We should train ourselves not to talk about people. Even idle talk that isn’t negative can often unintentionally turn negative due to comments from one of the participants. What can be done when it's necessary to talk about someone under specific circumstances? The 'Chafetz Chaim' answers this in his book 'Guarding the Tongue': "And if sometimes you must speak about someone, it should be done with the utmost brevity, and do not extend the speech, so as to avoid coming to transgression".

3. To avoid reading lashon hara and gossip, refrain from accessing websites and media that publish content forbidden by halacha, and seek kosher alternatives, like for example, "Hidabroot".

4. It is common that in conversations with many participants, lashon hara arises occasionally, especially among people who are not careful with their speech. Therefore, whenever possible, it is best to avoid being around people known not to be careful with *lashon hara*. Make efforts to engage with those known for positive and good talk.

5. Pray and ask for help from Heaven. Praying for protection from lashon hara instills self-awareness on the topic, helps us avoid it, and certainly also sends us strength and help from Heaven.

Here is a prayer to avoid speaking lashon hara:

"Master of the Universe, may it be Your will, compassionate and gracious G-d, that I merit today and every day, to guard my mouth and tongue from lashon hara and from hearing gossip. I will be cautious not to speak even about a single person, much less about the entirety of Israel or any part of them, and certainly not to complain about the attributes of Hashem. I will be wary of speaking lies, flattery, mockery, disputes, anger, pride, harmful words, embarrassment, and all forbidden words. May I merit to speak only about matters necessary for my body or soul, and may all my actions and speech be for the sake of Heaven".

"Please, compassionate and gracious G-d, grant me today and every day to guard my ears from hearing and reading unwanted things, that is, lashon hara and gossip, words of disputes, vile speech, heresy, and all other forbidden and idle words. All the things I have heard or read against Your will, please help me to forget them completely. May I merit that even inadvertently or unintentionally and even under duress, I will not hear nor read anything inappropriate. May my ears and eyes be sanctified, hearing and seeing only words of mitzvah".

6. The challenge of avoiding lashon hara is especially difficult when one has been hurt by someone or is angry at someone. The way to overcome the difficulty is to temper the intensity of our feelings, which happens by giving the other the benefit of the doubt and looking for ways to understand their behavior. We don't have to agree with their behavior, lifestyle, or leadership, despite the justification we found, but that "excuse" helps us judge them favorably, to tolerate them and understand them a bit more, and this helps us to avoid lashon hara.

7. Studying the laws of lashon hara on a daily basis helps develop awareness of forbidden speech and aids in avoiding it. Furthermore, learning these laws is essential to know what is permitted to say and what is forbidden. Therefore, it is recommended to study and review 1-2 laws of lashon hara each day. To purchase the books of the 'Chafetz Chaim' click here.

The Weekly Challenge

Purchase the book "Guard Your Tongue - A Guide to the Laws of Lashon Hara", written in simple language and accompanied by examples, and learn one law each day from it. To purchase the book "Guard Your Tongue" at Hidabroot Shops click here.

An alternative option for smartphone users is to join a WhatsApp group with 2 daily laws of lashon hara.

Also read:

The Beginner's Guide: Lashon Hara - What's so problematic about saying a few sentences about others in private conversations?