The Beginner's Guide: What's Wrong with Mixed Dancing at Weddings?

It is written in the Torah, "For Hashem your G-d walks in the midst of your camp...and your camp shall be holy, that He may see nothing indecent and turn away from you" (Deuteronomy 23:15). From this we understand that when there is a lack of modesty, the Divine presence of Hashem departs to a state of "and turn away from you." Anything against modesty drives away the holiness from that place.

The wedding day is one of the holiest days in a person's life. Until now, the bride and groom were two halves of a soul, and under the chuppah (wedding canopy) they unite in a "spiritual surgery" to become one whole person. For this reason, one of the blessings under the chuppah is "Creator of man." It is a lofty, spiritual, and holy moment, about which it is said that all the sins of the bride and groom are forgiven as on Yom Kippur. Starting a joint life with mixed dancing of men and women together removes all the high holiness that was present until that moment and adds to the couple's account the transgressions of those on the dance floor, and those watching.

This wedding day should be used for prayers and spiritual preparation. It is a day of renewed creation of a whole person composed of two half-souls, a day on which a new person is created at a higher level. It would be unfortunate to miss out on all the blessing and holiness this day brings to the new shared life of the couple, by turning away from a fundamental value of holiness and modesty, which brings blessing into the building of the couple's home.

The wedding meal is called a "mitzvah feast," aimed at thanking Hashem for allowing the couple to reach this exalted and precious moment. Causing sin through mixed dancing is an expression of ingratitude toward the kindness Hashem has done with the bride and groom. Instead of joy in the higher worlds over the establishment of a faithful home in Israel, it causes the departure of the Divine presence, and the new couple loses Hashem's blessing upon them.

Hashem promises us in the holy Torah "And they shall make Me a sanctuary, that I may dwell among them" (Exodus 25:8). That is, if we act with modesty and holiness, we will merit the presence of the Divine, which brings blessing, heavenly assistance, and success in all areas. When the Divine presence is absent, the blessing departs from our lives.

Is there no mitzvah to bring joy to the bride and groom with dancing, even if it's mixed? We answer this question with the words of Maran Rabbi Ovadia Yosef zt"l: "The matter is simple and clear according to Jewish law- it is forbidden to have mixed dancing at a wedding, men and women together, or a circle of women and a circle of men next to each other, and those who violate this have a sin too large to bear. And even those watching these dances do not escape sin. Although there is a great mitzvah to bring joy to the bride and groom, one should not perform a mitzvah through a transgression, especially such a severe one" (Wedding and Marriage, page 269).

The Next Step in Spiritual Growth

Were you invited to a family wedding where there will be mixed dancing? Arrive before the chuppah, wish the bride and groom well, and be present with the family and during the chuppah. After the chuppah, leave quietly and without demonstration. In any case of doubt due to modesty issues at the event, each should privately consult a rabbi on how to act in their particular situation.