The Beginner's Guide: Is It Permissible to Attend a Mixed Wedding?

Many individuals who are drawing closer to Judaism find themselves in a difficult dilemma when a family member or close acquaintance is getting married, but unfortunately, it is a mixed wedding. What should be done? Is it permissible to attend?

During one of his lectures at the Great Synagogue in Tel Aviv, Rabbi Zamir Cohen was asked the following question: I am invited to a mixed wedding. If I do not attend, my family will be hurt and will not understand. What should be done?

This is Rabbi Zamir's response:

It is important to persuade the couple as much as possible to have a separated wedding. For a bride and groom on their wedding day, it is like Yom Kippur. The bride and groom are pure from all their sins, and it is therefore unfortunate to have a mixed wedding and cause many people to stumble.

If the bride and groom struggle to have a separated wedding, it is worthwhile to appeal to them to at least have separate dancing. 

On this matter, we note the words of the late Rabbi Ovadia Yosef zt”l: "It is clear and evident that according to Halacha, it is forbidden to dance mixed dances at a wedding, men and women together, or a circle of women and a circle of men side by side, and the violation of this is serious. Even those who merely watch these dances are not free from sin. Although there is a great mitzvah to bring joy to the bride and groom, it should not be done through committing a sin, especially such a serious one." (Chuppah and Kiddushin p. 269). What a pity, then, that a bride and groom — on the biggest day of their lives — would cause their guests to err and be in a place of frivolity.

If the bride and groom insist, one must find a peaceful way, which are the ways of the Torah, to ensure not to fall into sights and situations where the evil inclination is present.

Many young people who are becoming observant find themselves in a predicament because the family would be very hurt if they do not attend. What should be done?

Respect is essential. One can attend the ceremony, remain for the beginning of the meal and when the dances begin, it is appropriate to leave.

Sometimes the bride and groom want a separate wedding, but the parents oppose it. It has been proven that every time the parents opposed, and the bride and groom stood their ground, the parents express after the wedding that they had never attended such a beautiful wedding with so much genuine joy.

The girls dance wholeheartedly to bring joy to the bride, and the boys dance wholeheartedly to bring joy to the groom. The fathers of the bride and groom receive all the men like kings, and the mothers of the bride and groom honorably receive all the women. There is genuine, pure joy- the joy of a mitzvah.

14 years after his wedding, Dudu Cohen provides food for thought for those still contemplating getting married without giving up mixed dancing. To read more, click here.